


Safe Place

by mangetsu_san



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Banter, Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Light Angst, Living Together, M/M, Mild Language, Moving, Mutual Pining, Romantic Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-06 18:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 52,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17350340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangetsu_san/pseuds/mangetsu_san
Summary: When Tsukishima walked into his first Tokyo apartment and found his new roommate crying on the floor with a tub of ice cream, he knew he was in for a real treat.(in which Tsukki is a college freshman who moved to Tokyo to pursue his dream of becoming a lawyer and Kuroo is a third-year criminology student failing miserably to get over a break-up)Translation into Español available: "Lugar seguro" by themechanicalmoon





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Translation into Español available: [Lugar seguro](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18265523/chapters/43223201) by themechanicalmoon

Tsukishima was relatively excited to be starting university in Tokyo – not as excited as his mom and brother, who praised him like he was some academic god, but excited in his own way. Tokyo University had an amazing faculty of law and he looked forward to meeting more people who were academically-driven like himself. Plus, he had only been to Tokyo on training camps and matches and didn’t get enough time to explore the lively city.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t proud of himself for being accepted into the highest ranked university in Japan. It took a lot of convincing from his mother to take the entrance exam, he had even chosen another university to go to, but this was the realization of all those dreams that were too ambitious for him to ever admit them. Because he was the only person from Karasuno to go to Tokyo University, his friends were ecstatic enough for him to not have to show such a reaction physically. He’d never admit how shocked and grateful he was for that opportunity.

Other than leaving behind his friends and family, there was only one thing about his future that didn’t evoke a single positive emotion – having to live with a complete stranger. His mom insisted he gets a shared flat and not a measly dorm room, and since she was willing to pay for it, he couldn’t really complain. This way he could at least get some privacy and a little more space than in the dorms. Not even his mom did a background check on his new flatmate, probably because she didn’t want to know the reason behind rent being so suspiciously low, so Tsukishima went to the flat fully prepared to be murdered.

He knew it was also a guy who goes to Tokyo University named Kuroo Tetsurou, but that was about it. There were three things he wanted to avoid: loud music, an untidy flat and an annoyingly clingy roommate. It would be nice if he could form some kind of friendship with the person he’s supposed to live with for the next four years, but he was never the social type and highly doubted anyone could replace his childhood best friend who just moved to Hokkaido for college.

He couldn’t wait to get to the flat, drop his modest luggage on the floor of his room, grab a bite to eat and then Skype call Tadashi. No, first he had to check in with his mom who already bombarded him with messages throughout the day, even though he just spent it on the train. He was tired from traveling and hoped this Kuroo guy wouldn’t jump on him and start talking as soon as he enters the house.

The taxi driver stopped in front of a short red brick building and helped Tsukishima get his suitcases out of the trunk. He paid the polite old man and took out a small piece of paper from the pocket of his coat. „Fourth floor, number eleven“ he murmured into his own chin and fetched his keys from the other pocket.

The building looked well-kept, but it didn’t have an elevator, which was going to be a challenge with two large bags. He cursed under his breath, took one bag in each hand and tried to get through the narrow staircase. For a moment he even considered calling Kuroo down to help him, since they had to exchange phone numbers the day before he moved in in case he couldn’t find the place, but soon decided against it for reasons he couldn’t even understand.

Tsukishima somehow reached the fourth floor panting and cursing the fact he had to live on the highest floor of the building. He took a moment to wipe the sweat off his face and make himself look at least a little bit more presentable. He took one last glance at his outfit – he thought black skinny jeans, a black v-neck t-shit, and checkered Vans weren’t too bad of a look. Maybe a little too reminiscent of a 16-year-old skater boy, but he’d like to believe he could pull it off. Besides, why would he care about that – his roommate could be in Mickey Mouse pajamas right now.

He knocked twice out of courtesy and got a very unusual response. „If you're not Leonardo DiCaprio, I don't want to see you!" Tsukishima took in a deep breath and unlocked the door. His roommate can’t be drunk at two in the afternoon.

A man with the messiest black hair he’d ever seen and cat-like dark eyes was sitting on the floor surrounded by tubs of ice cream and tissues, pointing a gun at him. Tears were still running down his face and _„My Heart Will Go On“_ was playing in the background. If he weren’t terrified about being shot, Tsukishima would burst out laughing. This was inarguably the most pathetic way to meet the person you’ll be living with for the next four years.

Kuroo wore an oversized red hoodie and black boxers which revealed his stunning muscular legs. That couldn’t, however, outshine the fact that he was balling his eyes out while still holding a gun in confusion. Tsukishima was on the verge of tears himself, but he couldn’t risk dying before he even started college.

„Oh god, sorry, are you Tsukishima? My new roommate? Fuck, I totally forgot you were moving in today!“ Kuroo dropped the gun and started panicking. He gathered the tissues in one big pile and tripped over an empty bowl while trying to pause _„Titanic“_ , then got up and finally introduced himself like nothing happened.

„I’m Kuroo Tetsurou. Nice to finally meet you!“ he gave him a strong handshake and flashed a charming smile despite his nose still being completely red. Tsukishima bit his lip once again to stop himself from laughing and somehow returned the gesture.

„Let’s pretend you didn’t see anything, okay?“ Kuroo laughed nervously while returning what was left of the family-sized ice cream in the freezer „However, I’m obliged to tell you it’s probably going to keep happening.“

„That’s okay as long as I’m not held at gunpoint“ Tsukishima tried to make a joke, which was very unlike him. He didn’t joke with people he’d just met, but look at this guy – his entire existence was a joke. There wasn’t any other way to talk to him.

„Yeah, sorry about that too“ Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck and rushed to his room upon realizing he wasn’t wearing any pants.

Tsukishima took a moment to look around the flat. Since Kuroo had no idea he had a roommate coming today, it was authentically chaotic: cans of beer lying around, a large empty box of pizza, cup noodles on every corner – a true bachelor pad. Tsukishima was so disgusted he had to start picking up the trash right away, he could barely see the carpet, and after what he’s seen, he wasn’t sure he was ready for more surprises. That was rule one of Tsukishima’s three rules, already broken.

Kuroo went to the bathroom to try and fix his hair, wash his swollen face and put on some cologne. He had to admit his new roommate was way taller and more handsome than he had anticipated, but he had a pledge to keep. After his recent bitter break-up, Kuroo Tetsurou vowed to never date again. Guys in their twenties were all dumb, unfaithful assholes and didn’t deserve him, he decided. Besides, Tsukishima wasn’t even in his twenties yet, so he was bound to be even worse, and he looked like one of those guys who are too arrogant to even get crushes. For once, Tetsurou wanted someone who could really understand his emotions and like him for more than his good looks.

„Okay, how about we start this over?“ he exclaimed right after he got his shit together in the bathroom „I’m Kuroo Tetsurou, Tokyo born and raised, a third-year Criminology major and your new roommate.“

„Oh, so that’s why you have a gun“ Tsukishima deadpanned „Given your level of emotional stability, I think you should consider changing your major.“

„First of all, that’s no way to talk to your upperclassman, young man“ Kuroo preached „Second of all, you just caught me in the wrong moment. And it’s not a real gun.“

„Oh thank god“ Tsukishima sighed without looking up from the carpet he was vacuuming.

„Come on, turn that vacuum off, shouldn't we get to know each other first?" Kuroo whined, „Don't tell me you're one of those freaks who has to clean 24/7?"

„How can you even live like this?!“ Tsukishima paid no attention to Kuroo’s pleads „I’m telling you right now, I will not tolerate this. There’s this thing called basic hygiene and you should really look it up.“

„Very funny. I see you’re the know-it-all type, let me guess, a law major?“ Kuroo shook his head and put his hand on his hip. He couldn’t wait for Tsukishima to be over with cleaning so he could lay on the couch again. Tsukishima didn’t deem him worthy of a response.

„Man, you’ve got to give me something to work with here. Where are you from, sibling, hobbies, star sign, favorite movie, anything!“ Kuroo kept pushing and Tsukishima was already starting to get annoyed.

„Would you like my credit card number with that?!“ he hissed „Jesus, I just came to Tokyo, I found a large toddler watching _“Titanic”_ in my living room and now apparently I’m a maid. Can you at least, for the love of god, shut up for one damn second?“

„Pft, I wish you were a maid, at least you’d be in a cute outfit thah would distract me from your terrible personality“ Kuroo flirted. He _flirted_. Curse his unintentionally charming nature. He did say it in the tone of an insult (which might’ve made it even worse), but it didn’t outshine the fact that he imagined his new roommate in a maid outfit.

Okay, so Tsukishima’s legs would look good in a skirt, but he was still a stuck-up brat who insulted Kuroo first. If he weren’t so hot, Kuroo would definitely be more annoyed because of that. Now he was just annoyed that he couldn’t be annoyed. He was annoyed that a part of him enjoyed bickering. It was probably the same part that hadn’t talked to an actual human in weeks.

Tsukishima, however, didn’t seem to have that part of himself, and the absolutely terrified grimace on his face showed he didn’t appreciate Kuroo’s joke.

„Sorry, I’m in a mood as you can see, but here, I’ll help you clean up” Kuroo rushed an apology before Tsukishima tried to kill him with a vacuum cleaned. He started picking up the pillows and putting them back on the couch, returned his three fuzzy blankets to his bed and even mopped the floor where Tsukishima had already vacuumed.

„I promise I'm not a bad roommate, I would've cleaned up if I remembered you were coming today. You must be tired from traveling, just go to your room and chill for a bit and I'll finish this up" Kuroo offered in an attempt to redeem himself. Tsukishima didn't trust Kuroo's ability to make the living room habitable, but he really was too tired to nitpick and decided to accept Kuroo's proposal.

He finally called his mom, texted Akiteru and Tadashi and started unpacking his bags. His room was small but sufficient, with only a queen-sized bed, a desk and a closet. It was just as minimalistic as he liked it, with no distractions such as an extra TV. The boxes with things from his old room were yet to arrive from Miyagi, so he only had to arrange his clothes. He tucked the suitcases into the closet and dared to go back to the living room.

Kuroo had the audacity to unpause _„Titanic“_ , but this time at least he was sitting on the couch and drinking beer. He cried silently without his nose running, but wiped the tears away as soon as he saw Tsukishima walking in. „Hey, want a beer?“ Tsukishima accepted and sat down on the sofa next to the couch. As hard as he tried, Tsukishima couldn’t find anything wrong with the flat now that it was squeaky clean. So Tetsurou could actually clean, he just didn’t want to, he noted.

„Who lived here before me?" Tsukishima asked when Tetsurou brought him a can of beer, still trying to figure out why the price was so cheap. At first, he considered the possibility of Kuroo killing someone in here, but then he found out the gun was fake, so he ruled that out.

„The lying, cheating, insensitive piece of trash I once called my boyfriend“ Kuroo spit out and took a big gulp of beer „I just wanted someone to move in as quickly as possible because I can’t sleep alone in the dark and I don’t want to pump up my electricity bill.“

„Ah, so that’s why you look like that. It’s all starting to fall into place.“ Tsukishima teased him.

„Have you never been heartbroken, or are you really just that cold?“ Kuroo looked at him with spite in his eyes.

„You mean other than the time I found out I had to live with a sappy trainwreck?“ Tsukishima continued probing him and Kuroo only took a bigger sip of beer.

„Haha, funny” he said “But you’re okay with that? I mean, living with me although I’m gay? I just thought it would be fair to put it out there right away, but I didn’t really want to put it on the real-estate website next to my full name for the world to see.”

“I don’t see a problem with that, since I’m not interested in anything of the sort” Tsukishima said in his most professional tone, hoping it would be enough to hide the nervousness he’d felt ever since Kuroo said the word ‘boyfriend’ “I came all the way here to study, not cry my lungs out because of shitty old movies.“

„Excuse you, Mr. Lawyer, _“Titanic”_ is a cinematic masterpiece, but I wouldn't expect someone so boring and empty to understand it. I feel sorry for you, Tsukishima.“

They both finished their beers and Tsukishima had to admit he enjoyed the banter. It wasn’t what anyone would expect from their first meeting – no small talk, no listing biographical facts, just making fun of each other like they’ve been friends for ages. He could appreciate that Kuroo wasn’t fake or trying too hard to leave a pristine first impression – he really knew from the start what he was getting himself into. He now knew one thing for sure: living with Kuroo was never going to be uncomfortably forced or boring.

* * *

 

„Hi, Tsukki!“ Yamaguchi waved at the camera cheerfully. His smile was as wide as ever and it made Tsukishima slightly nostalgic.

„Hey, Yamaguchi“ he waved back „How’s Hokkaido?“

„Really cold“ Yamaguchi shivered and rubbed his arms „I bet the weather’s nicer in Tokyo.“

Tsukishima sneaked a glace at his bedroom window, right above the desk. It was a warm and sunny day, which Tsukishima personally hated, but he knew it was most people’s definition of „nice weather“. „Yeah, it’s fine I guess.“

„So, give me the important details. How’s your roommate? Is he hot?“ Yamaguchi started waving his feet around behind him and looked like a kid who was about to open his birthday present. He loved asking about his best friend’s non-existent love life, hoping one day he would catch onto something, but Tsukishima just wouldn’t let himself look at anyone ever since his break-up in his first year.

„Ew, no“ Tsukishima furrowed his eyebrows „But he’s a piece of work. When I came into the apartment he was crying on the floor while watching _„Titanic“_ , and then he pointed a gun at me.“

„WHAT?!“ Tadashi started laughing hysterically „How did that even happen?“

„I'd rather not talk about him, I'm still recovering from the trauma. And he's a Criminology major – can you believe we’re all supposed to put out safety into the hands of someone like that?!" Tsukishima kept complaining despite claiming he didn’t want to talk about Kuroo.

„You intrigued me with that entrance, now I have to know more. Physically, 1 to 10?“ Yamaguchi persisted, and at the worst possible moment.

„Tsukki, I made coffee, I’m bringing it in there, so close your porn!“ Kuroo yelled from the kitchen. Unfortunately, the doors were thin and close enough for Yamaguchi to hear that.

„He definitely sounds hot. And he’s already calling you Tsukki?!“ Yamaguchi giggled and before Tsukishima could cover the camera, Kuroo kicked his door and barged in carrying a cup of coffee Tsukishima didn’t even ask for.

„Oh, are you talking to a friend from your hometown?“ Kuroo’s face lit up and he pushed Tsukishima away to look at the monitor „Hi, I’m Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukki’s new roommate! Don’t worry, he’s in good hands!“

„I’m Tsukki’s best friend, Yamaguchi Tadashi, so don’t think about stealing that spot!“ Yamaguchi greeted him with equal cheer and Tsukishima wanted to look for that gun of Kuroo’s and shoot himself.

„Don’t worry, I respect that!“ Kuroo laughed like they were old friends.

„There’s another spot open in his sad, lonely life though…“ Yamaguchi continued, but Tsukishima slammed his laptop shut before he could finish.

„Okay, bye Yamaguchi, nice talking to you!“ Kuroo yelled at the closed laptop. „Hey, why’d you do that, we were just starting to form a bond!“ he turned to Tsukishima with a puppy face.

„I don't want you forming any bonds with Tadashi, you two would be the death of me," Tsukishima uttered and threw his laptop as far as way from Kuroo as possible. He was just starting to realize that Kuroo sat down next to him on his bed, and jumped up like a burnt cat.

„Well, I really like that guy, so call me the next time you’re chatting with him. I’ll leave your coffee on the desk!“ Kuroo smiled and finally closed his door. Tsukishima got his laptop back from the end of the bed and opened the monitor.

Tadashi was still there, just waiting to start yelling. „Holy shit Tsukki, he’s not a ten, he’s an eleven!“ he gasped in surprise. Tsukishima knew this would happen, which is precisely why he didn’t want the two of them crossing paths, but now it was too late. He was never going to hear the end of it. „Tall, dark and strong, he’s just your type! He’s even hotter than Kage – “

„We don’t mention that name in this house, remember, Yamaguchi?“ Tsukishima interrupted him slowly and politely like he was about to take out a knife.

„Sorry, Tsukki” Yamaguchi genuinely apologized for slipping up like that „I just think you shouldn't let that stop you from believing in love. It's been two years and you're seriously going to let your trust issues ruin a potentially great thing for you?"

„Precisely. Even if I didn’t swear off dating, I still wouldn’t date this guy in a million years. I want to focus on my studies and Kuroo can be nothing but a distraction“ Tsukishima firmly resolved, causing Tadashi to roll his eyes. He’s heard that same story a thousand times, and it was getting old. He just wanted his best friend to live a little.

„I just wish you were a normal 18-year-old boy. You’re going to let your youth pass you by and you’re going to become a grumpy old geezer. Actually, you already are, you’ll just get a body to match it“ Yamaguchi shook his head disapprovingly.

„That’s still better than wasting my precious time on someone who’s just going to dump me for a fucking volleyball. You might have had luck with Yachi-san and I’m happy for you two, but not everyone gets a fairytale ending like that, Yamaguchi“ Tsukishima was getting tired of the same old conversation about his choices in life.

Ever since they started high school Yamaguchi was pestering him to be a stereotypical teen and live life to the fullest, and Tsukishima always wrote it off as Yamaguchi watching too many American romantic comedies. He pined over Yachi for two years before finally asking her out and that's when he thought he really got the authority to lecture him. Usually, Tsukishima could shut him up by pointing out his own misery, but now he acted like he himself invented love.

But this wasn’t high school anymore and Tsukishima was more serious than ever about doing well in school. His mother was paying for a flat near the center of Tokyo and that wasn't cheap, as small as it may be, so he couldn't let her down. Anything that could get in his way, such as falling in love again, had to be eliminated at once.

„Okay Tsukki, I’ve gotta run, Hitoka has finished making us breakfast. I’ll talk to you soon, say hi to Kuroo from me!“ Yamaguchi waved frantically and turned off his camera. Tsukishima closed his laptop again and let out a deep sigh. He still had a full week before his classes started and he had no idea what to do. Kuroo was on spring break too, so he was subjected to that torture 24/7. He still decided to leave his room and find something to eat.

What he found was Kuroo Tetsurou in a pink apron, finishing up a batch of fluffy pancakes. He was humming something while flipping the pan and adding pancakes to the mountain he had already built. It was way too much food for the two of them, but at least he wasn’t going to have to go out and buy instant noodles for breakfast.

„I didn’t know if you were a salty or sweet type of guy. I mean, you’re personality definitely says salty, but I meant like, food-wise. Anyway, I was feeling pancakes, so I hope that’s okay?“ Kuroo rambled without looking up from the stove. Tsukishima managed to say something about liking pancakes, but he was still trying to incorporate this image into the memory of yesterday. This guy was full of surprises.

„Tetsurou trivia #1: I’m actually a pretty good cook. You might hear _„My Heart Will Go On“_ one too many times in this house, but at least you’ll never go hungry!“ Kuroo announced proudly. Perhaps he was still trying to make up for the spectacle he put on yesterday, and he was successful. Sugar was definitely the way to Tsukishima’s heart.

„Wait, if you can cook, why did I find so many boxes of take out here?“ Tsukishima finally asked. He sat down at their small kitchen table and waited for Tetsurou to finish his 100th pancake. The plates were already set neatly next to chocolate syrup, maple syrup, powder sugar, and butter.

„I don’t like cooking for myself, it just looks sad. What’s the point of putting in so much effort if no one else is going to taste it, y’know?“ Kuroo admitted and finally turned off the stove. He threw the pan into the dishwasher and presented Tsukishima with a tall plate of warm, golden pancakes. He sat on the opposite side of the table and put one on his plate right away, signaling for Tsukishima to follow.

„They’re really good“ Tsukishima noticed between bites, making Tetsurou’s eyes light up like a Christmas tree. He loved getting compliments, especially on his cooking, since it was the one skill he was proud of. He enjoyed cooking for his friends and often hosted lunch parties just to flaunt some exotic new recipes, so he looked forward to Tsukishima becoming a part of that.

„Well, you’re too skinny for my taste, so you better eat at least five. I don’t want your mom coming here and thinking I’m keeping you on a frat boy beer diet“ Kuroo ordered him. Tsukishima remembered his mom was bound to meet Kuroo in three days, which made him lose his appetite immediately. This sly bastard was exactly the type mothers would love. He’ll probably swoop her off her feet with that plastic smile and she’ll gush about wanting a son like him for the six months to come.

„My mom’s pretty big on healthy, organic food, so you better whip out some quinoa or some other shit if you want to impress her” Tsukishima tried to scare him, but of course, the smartass was prepared for everything.

„Oh, I love quinoa! Don’t worry, this is only a housewarming breakfast, but I usually eat really healthy. I mean, I wouldn’t be this handsome if I only ate pancakes, would I?“ Kuroo grinned as he dug into his third serving of pancakes. He was a fast eater and didn’t spare a drop of maple syrup – his pancakes were practically soaking and Tsukishima found it hard to look at.

„You can try to sell that to my poor middle-aged mother, but I’ve seen that enormous pepperoni pizza on the floor“ Tsukishima giggled and returned to his chocolate-coated pancake.

„Do you usually like chocolate that much?“ Kuroo tried to change the direction of the conversation before Tsukki came up with another way to insult him.

„No, but you didn’t have strawberry syrup, so I take what I can get“ Tsukishima grumbled while messing with the food on his plate. He couldn’t fit another bite in his mouth, but he didn’t want to insult Kuroo, so he prolonged it.

„Okay, so I'll need to buy strawberry syrup, strawberry ice cream, and some fresh strawberries for the next time I make pancakes. Noted” Kuroo stated and took both of their plates to the sink. Tsukishima felt stuffed, which was something he wasn't expecting as a newly broke college student, but this was obviously Kuroo’s beloved hobby, so he wasn’t complaining. Kuroo was right, his mom is going to be very happy to hear this.

Tsukishima thanked Kuroo for the meal and went straight to his room to take another look at his embarrassingly generic Tokyo tour guide. He wanted to spend another day getting used to his new home, and then go explore the city tomorrow after he’s well rested. He contemplated asking Kuroo for a tour but only for a split-second before deciding that would be way too degrading. He wasn’t a foreigner, he had to get to know Tokyo and act like it was his hometown.

Homesickness hadn't hit him just yet since only a day had passed, but he hoped he could really find himself in Tokyo and spend the rest of his life there. It gave him more freedom than the small town of Sendai, more professional opportunities, more like-minded people. Kuroo definitely wasn’t the type of guy he imagined he’d form a friendship with, but he was interesting enough to be a Tokyo native. He guessed he'd have to get used to characters like that in this city, but one Kuroo Tetsurou was more than enough for him.

„Kei, honey, good morning!“ his mom chippered as soon as he picked up the phone „Did you sleep well last night? Did you get to know your roommate?“

„I slept well, mom. You know you don't have to call me every day, right? I already told you everything yesterday as soon as I took my shoes off, nothing groundbreaking happened overnight” Kei was becoming irritated.

„Are you eating well? You’re already thin enough, I can’t let college life destroy your health! It’s stressful enough as it is, you have to make sure you have the fuel to study properly!“ his mom stressed a thousand times, just like before he got on the train. Her worry about Kei’s eating habits didn’t come as a surprise after all he’s been through, but she sometimes went overboard.

„Don't worry mom, Kuroo made a ton of pancakes for breakfast. He's a self-proclaimed master chef, so I think I'll have at least two homecooked meals every day” Tsukishima assured her. He could practically hear the weight falling off her shoulders.

„Oh, that’s amazing! I can’t wait to meet him soon and thank him for taking such good care of my son! Can you put him on the phone?“ Tsukishima’s mom begged. She must be out of her mind if she thought Kei was going to sign his death sentence before he’s forced to. Her coming to Tokyo so soon was bad enough, the last thing he needed was the two of them exchanging phone numbers and recipes.

„Mom, he’s thirty years too young for you“ Tsukishima tried to get off the hook with a joke, but his overbearing mother wasn’t having it.

„Kei, I’d like to have his contact too, just in case I can’t reach you. If your battery dies or you go out without telling me, I need to be able to get in touch with someone who can guarantee your safety!“ she pushed and Tsukishima couldn’t believe the situation he found himself in. His mom was always sickeningly protective of him, but linking her to Kuroo was just pushing it.

„Fine, I’ll put him on! Couldn’t you wait for three goddamn days to meet him?“ Tsukishima gave up and went to the living room. His mother sounded happy, but he could already hear Tetsurou’s awful singing voice and he wanted to run back to his room and lock the door forever. Kuroo was still in his pajamas even though it was almost noon and he was crying again.

 _„When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just won’t feel right“_ Kuroo sang under his breath _„’Cause I can love you more than this, yeah.“_

„Actually, mom, I don’t think this is a good time, Kuroo’s crying on the floor again“ Tsukishima sighed „Bye, call you later, love you!“ He hung up before his mom could ask more questions and gave Tetsurou a judgemental glare.

„Kuroo, for fuck’s sake, are you really crying to One Direction at 12:30 pm? And you’re completely sober!“ Tsukishima preached, but Kuroo wasn’t listening to him. His eyes were fixated on a turned off TV and he didn't even pause the song on his stereo, so Tsukishima had to turn it off himself.

„I’d rather slap you until you get it together, but you might start crying again, so I’ll try a different method“ Tsukishima announced and took a deep breath „Do you want to talk about it?“ He sat on the floor under the couch next to Tetsurou, as uncomfortable and degrading as it was. He only did it to protect his ears from further damage.

„No“ Tetsurou pouted like a child whose favorite toy was taken away, but he was obviously dying to talk about it.

„Come on, what guy could possibly be worth all these tears?“ Tsukishima was now getting genuinely interested in how Kuroo's life became this low-budget soap opera. He looked like the type of guy who slept around with anyone he wanted, like a smooth-talker who never got attached, but that were just the stereotypes connected to his appearance. Tsukishima guessed some hot people had feelings too, and he didn’t want to listen to any more Celine Dion or One Direction.

„How familiar are you with volleyball?“ Kuroo asked all of a sudden.

„I was the captain of my team in high school and we went to the Nationals, so I might be familiar enough to help with this?“ Tsukishima replied with a confused expression on his face.

„Okay, me too, and we’ll get to that later, but I mean like, do you follow the current college league?“ Kuroo finally stopped crying, and there were even hints of excitement on his face. He was too ashamed to look into Tsukishima’s eyes, but he did think he owed it to his new roommate to be an open book.

„Why, is your ex some volleyball superstar or something?“ Tsukishima joked, but Kuroo’s face immediately lost all color. Shit, he was right. It wasn’t fully unexpected of someone like Kuroo to date an athlete, and it also explained why he was so miserable about it, but Tsukishima had to find a way to help him if he didn’t want to clean up tear-soaked tissues for the next four years.

„Oikawa Tooru.“

„Holy sh- Oikawa Tooru?! The genius setter who practically already has a spot in the national team?” Tsukishima wanted to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't dreaming. His roommate was not only a good cook, a shameless Directioner but also the ex-boyfriend of one of the best volleyball players in the country. He was really something else.

„That’s the one, thanks for rubbing it in“ Kuroo mumbled, not taking his eyes off the floor „Anyway, yes, that’s my ex. We’d been dating for a full year before he told me he was seeing this _kid_ that he tutors on the side! Can you believe that?! He doesn’t even have a brain, just a volleyball in that inflated head of his!“

That joke hit too close to home for Tsukishima, so he had to laugh. „Yeah, I knew someone just like that” he admitted bitterly. He didn't want to bring any attention to himself, but knowing that he can really understand his feeling might be beneficial to Kuroo.

„What do you mean?“ Kuroo finally looked at him, right as he heard those words.

„I had been dating this guy my entire first year of high school, and then on the last day of school, he told me he was moving to Tokyo to play volleyball for a better team. So I took that anger and used it to practice day and night. I became the captain in my third year and we wiped the floor with his team in the Nationals. I blocked every single spike he set“ Tsukishima told the painful story with a little bit of pride.

He remembered that day, the way his underclassmen looked at him like he was a deity, the way his entire school cheered and cried because they won the Nationals for the first time, but he couldn’t stop his heart from breaking all over again at the sight of Kageyama crying. He shook his hand and they looked at each other like they hated the other’s guts. Every happy memory, every hidden kiss and subtle touch they shared in that first year flashed through his mind and Kei cried for the first time since the day Kageyama got on that train.

Only his older brother and Yamaguchi knew about this, and now he was telling one of his most painful memories to a guy he met yesterday. But Kuroo just had that effect on people, and the warm look in his eyes assured him he'd made the right choice. It felt good to get that off his chest, but most of all, he hoped it would help Kuroo open up to him.

„Tsukki, I had no idea. I’m sorry, you didn’t have to tell me that just to make me feel better. Gosh, now I feel so bad about being such a crybaby!“ Kuroo fiercely wiped a new wave of tears from his eyes. He wanted to hug Tsukishima, but that would be too close to the invisible line they had silently set the day Tsukishima stepped foot into his apartment. Both of them were clearly in need of a friend who could relate to them.

„Don’t feel bad, I get it. But I don’t care how good Oikawa is at volleyball, he’s a dumbass if he chose someone else over you. You’ll find someone better“ Tsukishima gave the generic speech he learned from being forced to watch those awful chick-flicks with Yamaguchi. He was supposed to be the gay one between the two of them, but Yamaguchi was a lot softer. That trait reminded him of Kuroo’s ability to cry at the first note of any mildly sad song.

„No, I won't” Kuroo stated matter-of-factly with a sad smile on his face and looked at the floor again. Just as Tsukishima was about to continue his pep talk, he added: „I swore I’d never date anyone ever again.“

„Oh come on, a guy like you, becoming a priest in his early twenties?“ Tsukishima laughed „Are you even listening to yourself?“

„How about you?“ Kuroo reversed the question „Didn’t you say, quote, ’you had no interest in that kind of thing’? It sounds like a heart that hasn’t mended to me…“

„I’m not the one crying on the floor and raping my roommate’s ears with my awful music taste, so I think this therapy session should stay Kuroo-centered“ Tsukishima got right back at him „Hey, I know what will cheer you up!“

„A bottle of vodka and another Leonardo DiCaprio marathon?" Kuroo raised his eyebrows.

„No, we’ve had enough of that. How would you like to exhibit your charms to a lovely older lady?“ Tsukishima chuckled and took the remote out of Kuroo’s hand before it was too late.

„Oh. Sorry Tsukki, I thought I made it obvious I don’t swing that way“ Tetsurou was visibly disappointed and tried to take back the remote, but Tsukishima had the length of his arm to his advantage.

„Not like that! My mom wanted to talk to you, that's why I came here in the first place but had to hang up on her when I saw the state you were in. She's probably worried sick now, she really takes things too far when it comes to me. Are you in the condition to do that?” Tsukishima explained.

„Oh, sure, sorry!“ Kuroo shook his head and straightened his back „I’d love to talk to Mrs. Tsukishima!“ His mood immediately improved and he was the same cheerful guy that made pancakes this morning.

„Actually, it’s Miss Aoyama. She’s divorced, just a heads-up“ Tsukishima had to add. His mom was still a bit sensitive about his estranged father, but he didn’t want Kuroo to feel guilty about making a logical assumption.

„Sure, no problem. Put her on!“ Kuroo smiled and blew out his nose one last time. He started fixing his clothing like she would be able to see him through the phone, which Tsukishima found somehow endearing. He always went an extra mile to ensure he was liked by everyone, it was obviously his source of validation, and he knew his mom would be the first one to validate him.

He dialed his mom’s number and signaled to Kuroo to be silent at first. „I just have to get yelled at for hanging up without a warning, then I’ll give you the speaker“ he whispered while waiting for his mom to pick up, which was never a long wait.

„Tsukishima Kei! Why would you that to your poor old mother?!“ Tsukishima got the phone away from his ear and both he and Kuroo were laughing quietly.

„Sorry mom, I had to have a talk with Kuroo first. He’s here now, do you still want to talk to him?“ Tsukishima made a peace offering and his mom was happy to hear it.

„Hello, Aoyama-san! It’s a pleasure to finally talk to you. Your son told me you were a great cook“ Kuroo went into his charming mode as soon as the phone reached his hand. Tsukishima looked at his focused facial expression and laughed at the play they put on for his mom. Kuroo already whipped out his best lies, but what mother doesn’t like getting complimented on her cuisine?

„He said the same about you!“ Tsukishima’s mom was already giggling „That was the main reason for my call – I just had to personally thank you for cooking for my son. He can't even make a sandwich himself, for which I take full responsibility, but I was afraid he’d go back to his unhealthy eating habits if left to his own devices. Please make sure he’s eating at least three times a day, I’m worried about what might happen to him once college starts.“

Tsukishima saw Kuroo's expression suddenly changing to one of concern and confusion and he wanted to punch the phone out of his hand but trusted Kuroo to lighten up the atmosphere again. He didn't know what his mother could've said to Kuroo to make him frown like that, but it was probably just her usual death threats to anyone who enters her son's life.

„Don’t worry, he’ll be rolling around Tokyo like a volleyball before your visit! I might not be as skilled and experienced as you, but I love cooking and my biggest flaw is always making a bit more than is needed, so I doubt Tsukki will be able to resist my delicacies!“ Kuroo assured her and they both started laughing again, making Tsukishima relax a little bit.

„Oh, Kuroo-kun, you have no idea how much this talk means to me!“ she thanked him again „Is it okay if I write down your number, for emergencies only? See, my son will probably forget he ever had a mother in about a week, but you seem like a mature and responsible young man who will keep him from joining biker gangs and straying away from the right path.“

„No problem, he’ll text you my number right away. And rest assured, there aren’t many biker gangs in Tokyo anymore“ Kuroo nodded while talking on the phone. Tsukishima tilted his head to the side when he heard „biker gangs“ and Tetsurou just smiled at him.

„I don’t know if Kei has told you, but I’ll be coming over in three days to bring him some stuff he forgot to mail himself. Will you be there, I’d love to have dinner with you?“

„Oh, he hasn’t told me, but now I’m looking forward to it! Yes, I go back to school on the same day as Tsukishima, so I’ll be waiting for you with a meal fit for a queen“ Kuroo promised dramatically and Tsukishima had to roll his eyes, although he knew his mom would fall right into that trap. „Is quinoa with eggs and vegetables okay?“

„How did you know my favorite?!“ Tsukishima’s mom gasped and Tsukishima could see a proud grin forming on Kuroo’s face. He was fascinated by a 20-year-old guy’s ability to talk to a 50-year-old mom like he was one himself. Before he knew it those two will be getting their nails done together without him, he could just see it.

They finally hung up and Tsukishima felt a huge weight dropping from his shoulders. That was another tedious task to cross off his to-do list, but he knew real hell was yet to come. He noticed his mom didn’t perform her usual questioning, so she was probably saving that for when she comes over.

„What a lovely lady!“ Kuroo exclaimed as soon as he gave Tsukishima his phone back „Don’t forget to send her my number.“

„Hey, Kuroo.“ Tsukishima’s tone was suddenly serious „Can you please not tell my mom you’re gay?“

„Oh no, is she not cool with that? Or do you still want me to become your stepdad?“ Kuroo joked, fearing this was going to become another hard conversation.

„Ew, but no. She's actually too cool with it. She knows I'm gay too and she'll probably try to… set us up, which would be really inconvenient” Tsukishima fiddled with his fingers. He tried to avoid any romantic implication directed at Kuroo, because despite all his muscles and his strangely adorable soft side, he didn't want to start looking at him that way. Not just for his own sake, but more for Kuroo's – he didn't want to hurt him like he hurt Kageyama. Kuroo needed someone who could support him and that Tsukishima could provide, but Kuroo deserved a much kinder partner than Tsukishima could ever become.

„Understood“ Kuroo nodded and made the atmosphere significantly less uncomfortable „Hey, we both have a dating ban, right? No boys allowed in this house.“

„With a special accent to No volleyball players." Tsukishima added and they both burst out into laughter.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was brought to you (this early) by the good ol' insomnia, procrastination and me being a complete dumbass who, after two years, doesn't know how to use this website and save a draft.

“Yamaguchi, I’m only going to say this one more time – I will date Kuroo Tetsurou over my own dead body.”

“That sounds pretty impossible, but I guess there’s an audience for it” Yamaguchi shrugged.

“Do you know who his ex is? The guy he cries about for hours every day? Oikawa fucking Tooru” Tsukishima said it in hopes of shutting Yamaguchi up once and for all. Even if he was his best friend, he couldn’t lie and say he was better-looking than Oikawa Tooru.

“SHUT UP!” Yamaguchi yelled loud enough to wake up his poor girlfriend who fell asleep on his lap “Sorry sweetheart, I’m just talking to Tsukki!”

Hitoka came to the camera and waved sleepily at Tsukishima. As disgustingly domestic as the two of them were, sometimes seeing them like that gave Tsukishima hope for the future. Not that he would ever admit it to himself and god forbid, anyone else. “Hi, Yachi-san. Please control your boyfriend.”

“Okay, she’s going back to sleep! Anyway, Tsukki, don’t you see a pattern here?! You both have a thing for volleyball players, and hence, each other” Yamaguchi explained his theory.

“Only neither of us plays volleyball anymore and he’s sworn off dating too” Tsukishima broke it down to him with a content smirk.

“Oh, not him too! I thought you were the only weirdo who would do that, is that like a gay cult or something?” Yamaguchi frowned in disapproval. For god knows what reason, he was dead-set on bringing Kuroo and Tsukishima together, but even he was starting to lose patience. Maybe it was time to give up on his best friend and let him become a boring old lawyer he wanted to be so bad.

“Look, I’d love to continue this pointless and frankly, old conversation, but my mom is coming over in about an hour and I have to make sure my infant roommate isn’t crying again. See you!” Tsukishima hurried to close his laptop when he glanced at the clock. He always lost track of time when he talked to Tadashi, but today was an emergency.

He almost tripped on Kuroo’s sneaker in the hallway while running to the living room, but there he saw a perfectly functional Kuroo Tetsurou washing the windows. “Hey, when exactly is Tsukki-mom arriving? I forgot again” he asked sheepishly.

“We went over this six times already – we’re picking her up from the station at 3pm sharp, you put on that eighties radio station in the car, and you keep her quiet with boring facts about Tokyo. Do I need to write it down for you?” Tsukishima was stressing out about his mom meeting Kuroo more than he needed to. The two of them were already off to a good start with their conversation over the phone, and there was nothing to dislike about Tetsurou. He even promised he would put some hair gel before they went out.

“Relax, Tsukki, the apartment is cleaner than it’s ever been in my three years of living here and I’ll be on my best behavior. I’ve been practicing my meeting-the-parents smiles, see?” he assured him and flashed the most artificial smile Kei had ever seen, but for some reason, he was still beautiful. Tsukishima felt nauseous from Kuroo’s entire range of smiles.

“Try to visualize this: if your son was living with me, would you be worried about anything?” Kuroo asked like some sort of professional therapist.

“Absolutely” Tsukishima laughed mockingly. I’d be worried about my son falling for your stupid smiles and your unnecessarily lavish cooking and even your ugly crying face, he wanted to say. No matter how much the memories of Kageyama still hurt when they popped up, they were still older than Kuroo’s wounds. He knew Kuroo wouldn’t be able to return his feelings, if he were to develop any. That’s why it took every last bit of his strength to stop them from developing.

“Okay, I’m going to shower and work on my hair now, all the work’s done. So just sit back and maybe take a shot or two to relax“ Kuroo hopped off the chair he was standing on and went to the bathroom. When he walked out half an hour later he looked like a completely different person – his hair was slicked to the side and he gave off the vibe of someone whose parents were members of a country club.

„So, do I look presentable or what?“ Kuroo looked very proud of his efforts. Tsukishima knew getting that hair to stay down like that must’ve been a pain in the ass, so he had to give him some credit, but he still wasn’t going to stomp on his pride and properly compliment Kuroo Tetsurou.

He looked more than presentable. He looked so presentable, Tsukishima wanted to present him to his mom as his future husband. „Barely. But I doubt my mom will complain“ he finally answered. Kuroo took that as a compliment and flashed an even bigger smile. The first thing Tsukishima was going to look into when he starts his career in law is how to make it illegal for a man to smile.

* * *

 

„I hope your mom isn’t as hard to please as you are“ Tetsurou started talking again as soon as they locked the door of their apartment. Tsukishima rolled his eyes and took one last glance at Kuroo before it was too late to fix him, but thankfully there wasn’t anything that needed fixing.

He wore a white button-up and a long black cardigan on top of it, paired with creme trousers Tsukishima made fun of first, but of course, Kuroo could make anything work. While rummaging through his catastrophic closet in search of an appropriate outfit, Kei found out Kuroo was actually a pretty sharp dresser, he just never got a chance to see him outside his pajamas.

Kuroo didn’t have one distinctive style, there was a bit of everything, from blazers to military pants. He also had a considerable amount of shoes, sneakers in particular, as well as two watches – a sporty and an elegant one. Just another mundane thing Kei got to learn about his new roommate, but it mattered to him.

„I think you’re already on her good side, but The Interrogation can make or break you. If she digs up something she doesn’t like, no amount of quinoa is going to save you“ Tsukishima warned him.

„The Interrogation?“ Kuroo looked at Tsukishima and away from the road for a split second „Why’d you emphasize it like that?“

„It’s this thing she does with all my friends, he goes all psychiatrist on you. I’m assuming it will be pretty extreme, since I’m living with you after all“ Tsukishima tried to sound nonchalant, but he was probably freaking out even more than Kuroo.

„You’re scaring me, Tsukki. Do you have any sample questions? Was I supposed to study for this?“ Kuroo was starting to sweat. They were only five minutes away from the station and Tsukishima debated whether or not he should do some last-minute preparations with Kuroo. On one hand, it’ll be less stressful for him knowing that he gave Kuroo all the instructions he needed, but he also wanted to see him struggle. Rather than that, he wanted Kuroo’s genuine answers to his mom’s invasive questions.

„Okay, I see you’re not going to help me out here, so I’ll just ask – what are some things that I absolutely can’t tell her under any circumstances?“

„I told you already. You’re straight and you’ve never had a sip of beer, that’s all we need to change about you. All that I know of, at least. Please don’t surprise me in front of my mom“

„But Tsukki, you know I’m the personification of a surprise. I just don’t know how to be boring“ Kuroo complained theatrically. He parked the car near the station and they finally got out of the humid car. They reached the platform five minutes before the train from Sendai, just in case. Kuroo was jumping from foot to foot and checking his hair every two seconds.

„Why are you even that nervous about meeting my mom?“ Tsukishima finally asked.

„Because she might decide to find you another place and I’ll be left alone again. I know we haven’t been living together for that long, but I really think you’re some sort of a grumpy guardian angel sent from above“ Kuroo was on the verge of making Tsukishima blush „If it weren’t for you, I’d already know the entire script of _„Titanic“_ by heart and the pizza delivery guy would just throw in free anti-depressants with the pizza. You’re the only reason I was able to get my shit together, so I very much need you right now.“

“But I didn’t do anything” Tsukishima tried to say “And I found you crying into your midnight salad when I went to the bathroom last night.”

“Shhh, baby steps, Tsukki! I didn’t shed a single tear the day before yesterday and I’m very proud of that” Kuroo crossed his arms and looked away from the blond.

“Good for you” Tsukishima smiled, but he caught a train approaching with the corner of his eye, just when he was starting to loosen up. All the tension they previously felt in the car returned momentarily when the train’s speed started decreasing.

They both fixed their clothes and hairs as if they were going to be evaluated by the military, but then Kuroo made some really weird faces trying to ‘warm up his smiling muscles’ and it made Tsukishima relax immediately. This could either be too successful for Tsukishima’s own good, or there could be an unexpected disaster and Tsukishima would have to redirect the boxes from Sendai still hadn’t received. Either way, it was going to be an experience for all three of them.

An elegant blonde lady was among the first ones to step off the train and Kuroo knew right away it had to be Tsukishima’s mom. She was relatively tall for a Japanese woman, but still comically shorter than her son and Kuroo, which made it a little easier. At first, she was looking around the platform with mild confusion in her eyes, but then Kuroo waved at her (a bit too) enthusiastically and her beautiful features relaxed into a smile. She practically hopped to them and gave Kei a hug so strong he could feel his ribs cracking.

“Kuroo-san, you’re even more handsome than I imagined!” she exclaimed and gave Kuroo and equally bone-crushing hug.

“Please, call me Tetsurou” he offered charmingly. Tsukishima was already rolling his eyes at that smug bastard. If only his mom saw him crying in his pajamas every day, she wouldn’t look as enamored as she did.

“Then you’ll have to call me Mako too, Tetsurou-kun!” she giggled and put a strand of her shoulder-length hair behind her ear. Kuroo had to admit, he could see where Tsukishima got his good looks from. She was pale and skinny just like him and they had the same shy but brilliant smile. The only difference he could notice was that her eyes were visibly darker than his, and didn’t have the warm honey-colored glow to them. Nevertheless, she was stunning for a woman her age.

“How was your trip, mom?” Tsukishima made himself ask just so he didn’t have to listen to any more of Kuroo’s over-the-top sweet talk. He knew he’d resort to cheap tricks such as “Oh, I didn’t know Tsukki had an older sister”, but the day was long enough for that. All he asked for was a tolerable car ride to the apartment, after that he’ll just leave them to talk in the living room and lock himself up in his room with the loudest music possible.

“Oh, it was okay. I can’t wait to see your apartment, it looked great on the website!” Mako started babbling without hesitation “Tetsurou-kun, how long have you been living there?”

“Ever since I started university, so, it will be three years soon. Unfortunately, my first roommate finished college this year and decided to move in with his girlfriend, but I’m so glad I was able to find Tsukki in such a short time – I wouldn’t be able to live in such a nice place on my own!” Kuroo catered to her talkative nature.

Finished college, my ass. There it was, lie number one. Tsukishima was looking forward to all the blatant lies that would come out of Kuroo’s mouth that day. As expected, Kuroo was a great liar. He told that story so effortlessly that Tsukishima seriously wondered why he wasn’t an acting major. He loved making a melodrama out of everything, so it all added up.

“How about your girlfriend? Is it still too soon to be moving in together?” she assumed, and Tsukishima had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. He thanked god her pure little soul had no concept of gaydar, because to him thinking Kuroo was straight was ridiculous. Even if the first words he ever said to him weren’t “I don’t want to see you if you’re not Leonardo DiCaprio”, Tsukishima liked to think he would’ve noticed Kuroo was gay.

“Ah, sadly, I don’t have a girlfriend. I’m currently focusing on my studies” he lied with a proud smile. Seriously, this was getting too unbelievable for Kei. His mom, however, didn’t seem to notice anything wrong with that. Everything Kuroo said only made her respect him more.

Tsukishima opened the front door of the car for his mom before Kuroo could pull off another one of his cliché stunts, but that still meant he’d have to sit in the backseat and listen to them giggle like they sat next to each other in high school. He just hoped they wouldn’t start teasing him too quickly.

After she thanked Kei with an embarrassing kiss on the cheek (which Tetsurou’s observant eyes didn’t miss), she jumped right back into her fascinating conversation with Kuroo. “Yes, I’ve heard you’re a criminology student. That must be hard for you…”

“No, actually, I love my major, most of the subjects are super interesting, so getting good grades isn’t too hard either” Kuroo assured her. Even from the backseat, Tsukishima could see his mom’s eyes glittering like she’d just met her celebrity crush. Okay, Kuroo both looked and sounded perfect, but he knew him better than that. At this point, he wasn’t sure if he wanted his mother to see through this bullshit or not.

Kuroo suddenly remembered the instructions Tsukishima gave him on the way to the station and almost hit himself from letting it slip his mind. Save the interrogation for later, give her some interesting facts about Tokyo. He actually had to Google that because he wasn’t too invested in all the tourist-y stuff, and doubted she would be interested in the best gay bars in the city.

“Hey, did you know Tokyo Tower gets repainted every 5 years?” he spurted out of nowhere, but Tsukishima was relieved by the interest his mother displayed “Yeah, and nearly 7500 gallons of paint are spent on that! But Tokyo Tower is one of my favorite places in Tokyo, well, of the commercial ones, at least.”

Oh fuck, don’t say it. Don’t say it. “And some less commercial places? I’d love to really get to know Tokyo the next time I come to visit you boys, when I’m able to stay for more than one day” she said. Tsukishima started praying Kuroo doesn’t fuck this up before they’ve even reached the apartment.

“Oh, um, there’s this great café near our university, but it’s not very well-known, even amongst students. It’s called _“Crow’s Nest”_ , and my best friend actually works there part-time as a barista, so that’s how I found out about it. They have the best variety of teas” Kuroo started explaining and Tsukishima was, for the first time, thankful for Kuroo’s wit. It was impressive when he didn’t use it to insult him.

“Lovely!” Mako was obviously happy with the answer “You’ll have to take me there when we have more time, but today I’d just like to chill with you two in your apartment. That’s what you say these days, chill, right? Did I use that correctly?”

She turned around to Tsukishima, who wanted to facepalm himself, but Kuroo found her efforts extremely cute. He wished Tsukishima’s personality was a little more similar to his mother’s, but he was sure there was a soft side to him too, it was just harder to find. Which is why it was so exciting to him.

“Lucky for you, we’ve just arrived!” Kuroo announced and started parking the car in front of their building. Mrs. Aoyama was already carefully examining the exterior before even exiting the car, but she didn’t make any complaints. Again, Tsukishima had to rush to get out of the car before Kuroo and open the door for her. He wanted her to like his roommate, but not more than she liked him.

Once they finally reached the apartment, most of the initial tension had already left Tsukishima’s body. She praised them (but mostly just Kuroo) on the tidiness of the apartment without looking into details and just sat down on the couch like a normal guest. Tsukishima guessed it was because she was already so deep into Kuroo’s web of lies that she was sure he could do no wrong – if it were just him, she’d make a fuss over every speck of dust, as she did with his room.

“Would you like something to drink while I prepare lunch? Coffee, green tea maybe?” Kuroo offered like a true host. She accepted a cup of green tea and finally remembered to talk to her son while Kuroo was in the kitchen.

“Shortcake, are you sure you’ll be fine here in Tokyo? Your classes haven’t started yet, it’s not too late to come back!” she asked worriedly. Tsukishima was glad he couldn’t see Kuroo’s face because he was surely laughing his ass off at that nickname and writing it down to tease him about it later. He assured his mother he was doing great in Tokyo, and he really was. It took him much less time to get accustomed to living with Kuroo than he’d expected.

Kuroo came out of the kitchen carrying two mugs, one coffee for Tsukishima and one tea for his mom, and then went back to get his own. The woman thanked him with a warm smile that made him wish to see what that same kindness looked like on Tsukishima’s face, but he just mumbled something and took a sip straight away. He couldn’t be mad that his mom liked Kuroo better than him, could he?

“So, where have we left off? Yes, we were talking about girlfriends!” the blonde continued, forgetting to recall three other topics they’ve discussed after that (on purpose or not).

“Yeah, I guess I’m just not the type to go out intentionally looking for love, I’m old school, I’d like it to just happen spontaneously. Also, I tend to take my relationships a bit too seriously for someone who’s just twenty, so that can overwhelm people. But one day, if the right g-girl comes, I want to get married and have kids, for sure” Kuroo analyzed himself “Sorry, am I talking too much?”

Unlike his mother, Tsukishima noticed how Kuroo tripped over the word “girl” like he was a millisecond away from saying “guy”. He was also trying to figure out how much of that was true, and what was just fabricated to sound good to his roommate’s mother. With his scarce knowledge of Kuroo, he decided it was all pretty likely to be true – the guy’s favorite movie was _“Titanic”,_ after all.

“No, not at all, don’t be afraid to talk to me!” Tsukishima’s mom urged him to continue, absorbing every single word “To be honest, I wish Kei would talk to me this openly…”

“Well, not everyone can be this honest and self-aware, right Tsukki?” he looked over at Tsukishima with mischief in his eyes “That’s just how he is, I’d be surprised if he told me his birthday in the next four years!”

“Oh, that’s easy, it’s September 27th! If he ever refuses to tell you something, just text me” Tsukishima’s mom revealed and Kuroo’s face lit up. He looked like he got the exact piece of information he needs to finally understand (and destroy) Tsukishima, and like nothing could make him happier than that.

“Thank you, now I’ll have time to prepare for it!” Kuroo laughed “I’m sure if we work together, we can put together about two-thirds of the puzzle that’s Tsukishima Kei.”

Tsukishima hated it when Kuroo said his first name, even if it was just as a part of his full name. He wondered what it would sound like to hear him say just his first name, no context. Kei. Kei. Such a short and simple sound, but imagined in Kuroo’s deep voice, it sends unwanted shivers down Tsukishima’s spine. He tried to imagine it in his hoarse morning voice and he knew he went too far.

“Kei?” it was his mother calling “Why are you spacing out again? Sorry, he has a tendency to do this, especially when I’m the one talking.”

“Really, Tsukki, your mom came all the way here to spend a day with you, and you can’t even talk to us?” Kuroo sided with his mom and irritated him even further. He knew they were bound to gang up on him, but he didn’t have the patience to endure it. Something heinous was already boiling up inside him and normally he would just make up some excuse to take a break from Kuroo’s presence, but now he couldn’t.

Kuroo (or the things he caused in Tsukishima) was really a lot to take in, but what frustrated him, even more, was that he was never “too much”. He was highly introverted and would get tired of social interactions quickly, but he could never get tired of Kuroo. Kuroo was already the only person beside Yamaguchi that actually gave him energy instead of taking it from him, and he hated that he had to make peace with that.

“Weren’t you going to make us quinoa? Shouldn’t you be in the kitchen?” Tsukishima clapped back as a joke, but Kuroo genuinely jumped out of his seat.

“Oh sh-shoot, you’re right! So sorry, I’ll get right at it!” he exclaimed and disappeared into the kitchen. Tsukishima’s mom was outraged by his behavior like he was a monster who just stepped on a puppy’s paw. She’d arrived less than an hour ago and Tsukishima was already tired of hers and Kuroo’s mother and son act.

“That’s no way to talk to your friend, Kei!” she preached “Why can’t you be a little nicer?”

“I was just hungry. You already know Kuroo’s a great cook, so I can’t wait for you to try it” Tsukishima lied without even trying to hide it.

“Yes, I’m excited for that too, but we were in the middle of a discussion!” she continued despite his best efforts at a distraction “Not that you would know, since you weren’t listening.”

“Sorry, what were you discussing?” he asked out of courtesy, but doubted he wanted to know the answer.

“That’s not important now…” she sighed “Kei, I’m really happy you found such a great roommate. Tell me, what’s his secret? Does he drink?”

“No.”

“Smoke?”

“Nope.”

“Oh god, it’s not drugs, is it?”

“Mom, no!”

“I just can’t believe it, he’s so nice and handsome!” she gasped in frustration.

“He’s watched the _“Titanic”_ twice since I came here and he’s cried every time” Tsukishima whispered, hoping it would suffice as a “dirty secret”, but it only made his mom love him more.

“I LOVE that movie! Leonardo DiCaprio looks just stunning in it!” she gushed. Tsukishima had to stop himself from saying: “I think you two would agree on that”. He was just starting to realize how much his mom and Kuroo were truly alike – they were both bubbly and caring and never passed up an opportunity to embarrass him.

“I’ll be finishing up soon, so don’t have too much fun without me!” Kuroo shouted from the kitchen, making Tsukishima’s mother laugh again.

“Are you sure he’s not at least bisexual?” she asked suddenly “I’d be so happy if you had a boyfriend like him…” There it was, the one thing he was hoping wouldn’t even cross her mind. Now he had to pretend he didn’t just doze off thinking about the way that man said his name. He found it increasingly harder to pretend the idea of being with Tetsurou repulsed him, but the idea of developing unrequited feelings for him (or anyone, for that matter) certainly did, so it was enough to keep him grounded.

“Straight as an arrow, mom. Plus, even if he wasn’t, you sent me here because of university, not to find a polite second dad for your grandkids, remember?” He couldn’t believe the lies coming out of his mouth effortlessly, but at least the part about focusing on university wasn’t.

He knew their lives were going to somehow change when Tsukishima starts his classes and Kuroo’s break ends, but he didn’t know what to make of it. He still didn’t have his class schedule and he was suddenly worried they wouldn’t have enough time together, which was ridiculous, since they literally lived in the same apartment. But when he gets out of his post-breakup depression, he’ll also start going out with friends again, maybe even invite them over. He had to stop that train of thought before he spaced out again.

“I agree, but just as Tetsurou-kun said, if someone worthy of that title does happen to pop up, I hope you don’t shut him out. It would be a good experience for you” his mother advised. A good experience? What, having his heart shattered into a million pieces in (at most) two years, when Kuroo finishes college? When he moves on to something or someone better and just disappears from Tsukishima’s life like he never even existed? He’s had enough of that, but of course, his mother couldn’t know.

He couldn’t believe he never told his own mother a word about Kageyama, and frankly, he wasn’t sure why, but it seemed too late and redundant to open that subject up now. He talked about it to Kuroo without giving it much thought, but only because Kuroo was in a very similar situation himself. He didn’t feel any need to talk about it to anyone else, especially since he took the liberty of classifying that wound as ‘healed’.

“Okay, lunch is ready!” Kuroo announced cheerfully. The mother and son went to the small dining table that Kuroo had already set and they both eyed the side dishes. Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he did it in such a short time, but Kuroo had prepared more food than the three of them needed (especially the thin blondes), and it all looked delicious. With the main dish also served, Kuroo sat down with them and they started eating in silence.

“Tetsurou-kun, this is AMAZING!” Mako praised him after just one bite “You’ve got to give me the recipe later!”

“Thank you so much, but I doubt it’s better than yours” Kuroo accepted humbly. Only one exchange from these two was enough to make Kei lose his appetite. He hated how perfect all of this looked; it looked like a knight in shining armor doing his best to impress his future mother-in-law while still being completely natural, it looked like a kind of family. But that was only on the surface and he knew it. He and Kuroo were both fucked up inside in their own ways (Tsukishima a lot more than Kuroo, but still) and this picturesque scene could only pass in his mother’s unknowing eyes. This could never become a reality.

“Don’t be shy Tsukki, this is your home now! I slipped up again, but it would be a shame to throw so much food away” Kuroo encouraged him after seeing Tsukishima move his food around the plate but not eat it. In reality, he was too busy thinking to properly chew his food. This day was seriously getting too much for him.

All he wanted to do was be alone with Kuroo and bicker like they usually do, maybe with a beer or two. He wanted it to not feel this real and domestic – when they were alone and didn’t have to pretend, they were just two friends who had such good dynamics that they talked like they’ve known each other forever when actually it’s only been a few days. It might’ve had something to do with the unforced circumstances of their first meeting, and Tsukishima couldn’t wait to see that friendship developing. Not into anything other than a friendship, of course.

The lunch went by quietly and after that, all three of them were too stuffed and sleepy to continue talking. Tsukishima offered his mom his bed to take a short nap before catching the train back because he knew she can’t sleep on trains, and she gladly accepted. Ever since he was a kid, his mother always took afternoon naps. At least he’d finally get some well-deserved rest himself.

“You can nap in my room if you want, Tsukki” Kuroo suggested in return “I’m not tired, I think I’ll just watch some TV here.”

Tsukishima contemplated it for a moment and decided to accept. He didn’t get enough sleep the previous night because of a swarm of unpleasant thoughts (most of which had something to do with Kuroo), but that wasn’t anything new. He used to think he just belonged to the “night owl” category, but then he was informed going to sleep at five and waking up at six on the daily wasn’t normal. When he pulled an all-nighter, he’d compensate it with just an hour-long nap again, and that unhealthy pattern was one of many that have followed him since Kageyama left.

But now he was going to sleep in Kuroo’s bed. Just as expected, it was messy but otherwise minimalistic. The room and the bed were about the same size as Tsukishima’s and he just jumped on it face down without even thinking about changing. The sheets smelled strongly of Kuroo’s skin and that alone was so comforting that Tsukishima fell asleep the moment he closed his eyes. His last thought was that he might be able to fix his sleeping schedule if he could sleep here every night.

* * *

 

It was already 10 pm when he woke up.

He jumped out of bed panicking and saw Kuroo sitting alone on the couch and watching TV, just like he left him, only it was dark outside and they should’ve taken his mother to the train station two hours ago.

“Where’s my mom?!” he asked, but Kuroo didn’t look worried.

“I dropped her off on time, don’t worry. She didn’t want to wake you up, but she said she’ll be back before you know it!” he smiled sheepishly. Tsukishima didn’t know if he should be relieved, but he was definitely more frustrated.

“Fuck, why didn’t YOU wake me up?!” he kept shouting, even though Kuroo still looked peaceful.

“Sorry, Tsukki, I promise I will next time, but you know, your mom told me you have a problem with sleeping. She said she hasn’t seen you sleep for more than two hours in a long time, so we both agreed it’s best to let you get some rest” Kuroo explained calmly, in such a tone that Tsukishima had to relax against his will.

“You don’t have to fix me, Kuroo” he sighed “I’m pretty fucked up and you’ll realize that more and more, but just because you live with me doesn’t mean it’s your obligation to keep me in check. Thank you for being considerate, though.”

“Hey, Tsukki, sit down, will you?”

Kuroo got them two beers out of the fridge without even asking Tsukishima if he wanted some, but the younger gladly accepted. Then Kuroo got out his pack of cigarettes for the first time.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

“Well, we’ve all got our secrets. I won’t smoke here if it bothers you”.

“No, actually, I smoke too, occasionally” Tsukishima admitted. It was just another unhealthy coping mechanism he tried out when Kageyama left, and he found it relaxing, but he couldn’t afford to have his mother find out about that.

Kuroo offered him a cigarette and he took it with even more zest than the beer. It’s been a week since he smoked his last cigarette, on the night he left Miyagi. He remembered going out for a late night walk on his own, his favorite setting for smoking. He was overthinking college and life in Tokyo and his new roommate, but one week later, everything was fine. He was smoking inside for the first time, and he was with Kuroo. He knew he was going to be okay with Kuroo.

“I knew there was something about you” Tsukishima grinned in satisfaction, “My mom asked if you had any downsides, and here it is.”

“Hey, at least I’m a decent human being, unlike some other tenants of this apartment!” Kuroo pushed right back and soon they were laughing like always. This was exactly what Tsukishima was missing, what he feared he wouldn’t find in university. A low-key friendship with no expectations, a person he could just be himself around, and carefree nights in a place that didn’t feel so far from home.

“Look, about what you said just now” Kuroo’s tone was serious again and Tsukishima didn’t like it “I’m not protecting you because your mother threatened me or anything. I mean, it’s not the only reason…” A quiet giggle again, but short-lived.

“I’m just like this, I care about people, sometimes even more than they deserve. But I care about you and you really deserve to be healthy. So if there’s something I can do to help, of course I’ll do it. I don’t want to force anything or make you feel like a project or anything, but I’d like it if you talked to me. I won’t pressure you into it, but it would be easier for both of us if you told me what you want me to do.”

“Why would you care about me? We’ve known each other for a week.”

“Because my judgment is telling me you’re genuinely a good person under all those layers of salt? It might be early for that, but I really want you to call me a friend eventually. I just enjoy living with you, is all.”

The plain honesty of Kuroo’s voice pierced through Tsukishima’s heart and he didn’t find it so hard to believe, even when it was him that all those kind words were directed at. He believed it because it was Kuroo, who didn’t know how to be anything but himself, and who only ever saw the good in people. All that made him harder not to fall for.

“Still, you don’t need to do anything. I trust you and I’ll tell you anything I have the need to, but I don’t want you to worry about me. I don’t know what my mother told you about, but I’m actually getting better, on all fronts. And I think you could take some credit for that” Tsukishima offered with a small smile, but it was enough to shift Kuroo’s mood completely. All he wanted for now was to be trusted.

“Okay, Tsukki, if you say so, I’m happy to hear that. I’m always here” he repeated just in case and took another long drag of his cigarette. Damn, he looked so good enveloped in smoke. It didn’t match his warm words, but it did his rough exterior, and somehow those two mixed together perfectly. He looked calmer than ever, probably because he was too tired to be hyper as always. As much as Kei wanted him to always be happy, he enjoyed the unusual tranquility.

„Hey, remember when you asked me if I knew anything about volleyball?“ Tsukishima was, surprisingly, the one who broke the silence.

„I thought we were done with volleyball players“ Kuroo laughed weakly, but it was obvious he too wanted to continue talking to Tsukishima, preferably about something less depressing.

„No, I mean, we found out we were both middle blockers in high school. Isn’t that a weird coincidence?“ Tsukishima reminisced with an unwilling smile. As sad as it sounded, he had to admit volleyball was one of the things keeping him alive throughout his hellish high school year. He looked forward to a fresh start far away from all his demons, but he knew there will always be a cell in his heart that will miss volleyball.

„You call it a coincidence, I call it faith“ Kuroo was finally back to his cringe-worthy self „You want to pretend you’re so much better than me, but we’re actually the same person.“

„Pft, you wish. At least I can control my hair.“

„You’re right, there’s one more difference. I am a son every mother would want, endlessly kind and in touch with his emotions, while you’re just a salted rock.“ Even Tsukishima had to earnestly laugh at the way Kuroo said that, putting his hand on his heart as he often did when praising himself.

„If by ’being in touch with your emotions’ you mean ’start weeping every time you hear a One Direction song’, you’re right, I’d never do that.“

The air between them got lighter again and Tsukishima had to agree with his mom when she said he had an amazing roommate. Not many people, especially as flamboyant as Tetsurou, could live a full week with him without anyone dying, but here they were, sharing a Saturday night in complete peace. Tsukishima began to wonder if Kuroo asked Yamaguchi for tips on how to master that art.

„Did you know that I won the award for the best middle blocker of the National tournament in my third year?“ Kuroo returned to their initial topic, probably hoping to impress him.

„Yeah, me too“ Tsukishima nodded without a hint of interest on his face, which almost made Kuroo spit out his beer „What, did you think that was special?“

„Uh, duh, it’s kind of a big deal?“ Kuroo tilted his head to look at Tsukishima, who was still just smoking his cigarette (or maybe his second) with a bored expression „I mean, you are tall and smart and all that, but how did you become such a good player of a team sport with that kind of attitude?!“

„I told you already“ Tsukishima repeated after taking an especially big drag „It wasn’t for a good reason, but I used both volleyball and studying as distractions from everything else that was going on. I grew to really like it in the end, it’s enjoyable once you actually get good at it.“

„Seriously, Tsukki, you studied, played volleyball and hung out with your one friend, that was your teenage life? No crazy adventures, no jumping out of your window in the middle of the night, nothing?“ Kuroo asked with a hint of hope in his voice. He was eager to discover Kei’s wild side, or, if it came to that, show him the wild side. He found out quiet and serious people were the funniest when they finally let loose.

„I did sneak out a lot to smoke, alone, but that was it. After that one boyfriend, I wasn’t even in the mood for anything casual, so no adventures of that sort, if that’s what you were hoping to find. Sorry to disappoint you, I really am as boring as I look.“

„Oh, you’re not nearly as boring as I expected you to be, which is why I will keep digging out your secrets, Tsukishima Kei“ Kuroo threatened with a playful grin. There it was, his first name again. He wanted to curse Kuroo for emphasizing it like that, like he knew exactly what he was doing. But of course he couldn’t know that, and it was only a three-letter word that could hold no power over Tsukishima if he didn’t let it.

„Please don’t pretend you were some kind of fuckboy since you were fifteen, because you look just like the type of guy whose life revolved around playing volleyball with his „bros“. And maybe video games“ Tsukishima analyzed. Kuroo was wounded by how precise that description was, but he’d never let Tsukishima know that.

„Actually, if you must know, I was pretty popular in my second and third year, once puberty did its job“ Kuroo spoke humbly „In the second year I was still a rising star, but even then I always had a girlfriend, and then when I became the captain in the third year, I got 35 boxes of chocolate for Valentine’s Day!“

„Wow, you must’ve broken so many hearts telling them you were gay“ Tsukishima laughed as if Kuroo was telling obvious lies, but he could kind of see it. He looked like the guy who’d be popular with high school girls, especially with all his muscles, „messy“ hair and „mysterious“ eyes. The scenario of some poor girl of having an honest, nerve-wracking crush on a 17-year-old Kuroo, now that was funny.

„I could never betray my fan club like that, after all the effort they’d put into all that delicious home-made chocolate!“ Kuroo kept on bragging „No, only my closest friends, or in other words, the volleyball team, knew that I was gay. I really did date tons of girls and no guys in high school, so no one suspected it.“

„How come the great master of seduction hasn’t actually dated before college?“

„I think I was really, really deep in denial. I knew my folks wouldn’t be able to accept that, so I figured it was easier to ’find a cure’ than get kicked out of the house, but guess which one happened in the end“ Kuroo said with a laugh that was only half-bitter.

„You got kicked out...?“ Tsukishima checked cautiously.

„Bingo. It was so stupid, my mom found my fucking journal under my bed and after a night of screaming like the world has ended, I went to live with my best friend for a couple of months. Lucky for me, it was the end of my third year anyway, and his parents are saints. Obviously, I found a part-time job right away and rented the shittiest apartment in Tokyo as soon as I could. But not too long after that, Tooru came into the picture and offered me this place instead. Fun times, high school. Honestly, I only liked my friends and volleyball.“

Shit, they really were more similar than Tsukishima wanted to admit. He never stopped to think someone as energetic as Kuroo could have also gone through hell, he just assumed he enjoyed his popularity and skipped classes. He even had to fake-date unassuming girls just to keep up the desired image, which reminded Kei of how twisted the concept of high school really was.

„Do you at least talk to them now?“ Tsukishima asked.

„Nah, they made it pretty clear they don’t want anything to have to do with me. But it’s all good, we were never some kind of perfectly happy family to begin with, so as horrible as it sounds, I have to say it was a relief“ Kuroo answered, but he still didn’t look anything close to remorseful or angry. Perhaps a bit nostalgic, but he was still smiling wide, which inspired Tsukishima.

Even though Kuroo looked like an open book (with his ugly crying and all), when it came to more serious issues, he shut his emotions out just like Tsukishima. Kei was again left to wonder how it was possible for a person like himself to feel so much warmth and compassion for a guy he’d met a week ago, but with every conversation, he truly sensed he was getting closer to Tetsurou, and it always left him feeling complete.

„I’m sure my mom would be happy to adopt you, if it’s any consolation“ Tsukishima said begrudgingly, but Kuroo’s smile widened into a more genuine one with those words.

„That’s what I was about to say!“ he laughed „It was so great talking to her, even better when you were asleep and couldn’t roll your eyes at everything we said. We got to share all the embarrassing childhood stories.“

„Oh god, do I even want to know...“

„You don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway“ Kuroo looked more satisfied with himself than ever, „She told me you were really shy before you became abnormally tall, so you’d usually hide behind her skirt even when you just went to the market. Also, you still love strawberry shortcake and you cried for three days when you found dinosaurs were dead. She told you they just lived in Europe, but you were a tiny nerd even when you were six and had to look it up in the library.“

„For fuck’s sake, she just has to tell that whole story to everyone she meets...“ Kei buried his face in his hands. Now that he knew his deepest secret, there was no way to look cool in front of Kuroo anymore – he had a golden ticket to win every fight.

„No, I think that’s adorable!“ Tetsurou made him blush even harder „You know, all the normal kids believe in Santa or mermaids or some shit, but of course, Tsukishima Kei had to believe in living dinosaurs. I could totally imagine a small Tsukki with large glasses carrying a huge dinosaur encyclopedia in his tiny arms, but I’d die from diabetes.“

„Okay, and you weren’t a dumbass when you were six, were you?“ Tsukishima snapped.

„Nope, I was just as athletic and charming as I am now“ Kuroo smiled proudly.

* * *

 

„Okay, what’s your favorite color?“

“You do realize it’s 1 am, right?“

A couple of hours later, Kuroo’s head was hanging from the couch and a sleepy smile stayed glued to his face. The two of them got so lost in pointless conversations that it took Tsukishima some time to even remember to look at the clock.

„Yeah, so? You just woke up“ Kuroo huffed.

„Yes, but you didn’t. Seriously, Kuroo, you should sleep“ Tsukishima shook his head.

„Huh, you’re probably right. There’s a long day of chilling ahead of us, so we should both get some rest“ Kuroo finally admitted and sat up like a normal person.

Tsukishima got up to throw away the empty cans of beer and empty the ashtray they’ve used generously. He knew he probably wouldn’t be able to fall asleep that quickly after that long nap (and without Kuroo’s scent on the sheets), but he wasn’t filled with anxiety anymore. Kuroo Tetsurou, the most unbearable person in Tokyo, made the world a lot more bearable for him.

„Sweet dreams, Tsukki.“

„Good night, Kuroo.“

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is too slow, y'all should know by now I'm much better at writing pining than actual romance, but I hope it pays off!  
> Because this fic is the only thing keeping me alive right now, I'll try to post around 7K words every week, so please bear with me.  
> I hope I didn't (and don't) let you down!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo is an actual angel, Tsukishima is Not Fair, what's new?

Tsukishima might have looked bored or mildly annoyed at all times, but he secretly liked going on adventures every now and then, and that was exactly what Kuroo could provide. In the last seven days of their break, Kuroo insisted on taking him to all the essential places in Tokyo such as parks and shrines, plus the aquarium, Harajuku (much to Tsukishima’s dismay) and the National Museum of Nature and Science (as an apology for making him take cutesy pictures in a photo booth in Harajuku).

 

He had fun at all of these places, even when Kuroo was tugging on his sleeve like a child and begging to go home, or even worse, when he was dragging him to buy ridiculously expensive pink parfaits. He assured Kuroo he could do all this sightseeing on his own, but the good senpai wouldn’t hear any of it. He took a lot of pride in knowing every nook and cranny of such a metropolitan city, and he made sure Tsukishima admired that skill.

 

The first two weeks of their life together went by as smoothly as possible, until the very last afternoon before classes started, when Tsukishima’s boxes finally arrived from Miyagi.

 

“I don’t understand why it took them so long to ship eight boxes here, it’s not like I moved to another country!” Tsukishima grumbled while moving the boxes from the entrance hall to his room. He tried to carry two large boxes at once, but Kuroo caught him in action and started helping without Tsukishima even asking.

 

“Actually, Tsukki, there are nine boxes here” Kuroo counted again.

 

“No way, I specifically sent over eight boxes” Tsukishima denied, but then froze in his tracks “Oh god, she must’ve sent something too…”

 

“Who, your mom?” Kuroo peeked at him from behind a heavy box “Maybe you forgot something.”

 

“Okay, Kuroo-san, that’s all, I can unpack them myself, thanks for your help!” Tsukishima waved and slammed the door in Kuroo’s face once the last box was inside. Kuroo, however, pushed the door open again before the blond could block them.

 

“Don’t worry Tsukki, I won’t judge your porn collection, I understand you’re still a boy in his adolescence” Kuroo insisted and shut the door so Tsukishima couldn’t kick him out.

 

“For the last time, I don’t watch or read porn, stop projecting your flaws onto other people, Kuroo-san” Tsukishima sighed and kicked the only unmarked box under his bed so Kuroo wouldn’t notice. They were both opening boxes full of books and putting them on the bed before they were subjected to Tsukishima’s rigorous sorting process.

 

“Kuroo-san, you can’t just throw random books next to one another, do you not know the alphabet?”

 

“What, don’t tell me you sort your books by alphabetical order of the author’s last name? I always knew you were a nerd, but you just keep going beyond my expectations Tsukki.”

 

“You’re an absolute heathen” Tsukishima nudged him with an elbow to the ribs “How else would I find a book I’m looking for?”

 

“Um, I don’t know, with your eyes?” Kuroo protested and poked him back “Oh yeah, you aren’t really good at seeing. Sorry, Tsukki.”

 

After an hour of carefully placing books on the bookshelf above Tsukishima’s bed (in the correct order), Kuroo started complaining about the unnecessary number of books Tsukishima owned. They finally emptied the biggest four boxes, all full of nothing but books, when Kuroo got out the fifth box, filled only with records.

 

“Oh god” Kuroo’s mouth widened into a smile “You are officially the biggest nerd I know. First books, now records? Such a renaissance man.”

 

“Well sorry for not being a shameless Directioner” Tsukishima scoffed and pried a Radiohead record from Kuroo’s hands.

 

“Okay, then enlighten me, Mr. Music Snob. Play me one of these dusty old records” Kuroo challenged him.

 

Tsukishima found his record player in another box and inspected all his records, trying to find one Kuroo could potentially like. There weren’t too many of them, but they were all dear to him, since he started collecting them in his first year of middle school. Thus, there were some he hadn’t listened to in a long time and some he played so often from start to finish that he already knew every song by heart. He still wanted to keep it light, so he settled on “American Beauty/American Psycho” by Fall Out Boy.

 

Kuroo listened very attentively to the first track, “Irresistible”, and Tsukishima started feeling a little uncomfortable. He always regarded sharing music with someone as an intimate experience, though normal people wouldn’t give it a second thought. Music was a big part of his life, something that always got him through the most mundane days, and he even worried about Kuroo liking his music taste, which was unbelievable since his was shit.

 

“Tsukki, this fuckin’ slaps! Not as much as my jams, but I’ll admit it’s good! Can we keep this one on until we finish unpacking all these boxes?” Kuroo asked cheerfully and Tsukishima only nodded. Somewhere along the way Kuroo even started humming to the songs he was hearing for the first time, and Tsukishima was proud of guessing correctly what kind of music would appeal to Kuroo.

 

“Ohohoho, look at all these volleyball trophies!” Kuroo whistled as he opened a new box.

 

Tsukishima got embarrassed, wishing he hadn’t decided to bring them after all. Though he couldn’t deny it, he felt a hint of pride looking at his collection of trophies and medals, but even more than that, he wanted to have them around to remind him of the happier parts of his life so far. Most of his happy memories were documented by those awards – winning a long and nearly tied match, being cheered on, hugging his teammates, eating ramen after that. It was ironic how the biggest of all trophies was the only one that didn’t bring him nearly as much joy as it was supposed to.

 

After getting no response from Tsukishima and seeing him float away into his memories, Kuroo returned the conversation to his music taste. “I thought you only listened to Mozart or some shit, but this is actually pretty upbeat! I can totally imagine an angsty 16-year-old Tsukki jamming out to this after school and yelling at his mom because she messed up his alphabetically-ordered books” Kuroo snickered.

“Shut up and give me the next box” Tsukishima said but he wasn’t able to suppress a smile. He never argued with his mom, even in the angriest phases of his puberty, because as pushy as the woman could be, she was also endlessly understanding and supportive.

 

Kuroo unpacked a photo album full of group pictures with all Tsukishima’s volleyball teams from middle school and high school, but also photographs of Sendai and a couple of other places, usual locations for school trips such as Kyoto. Kuroo’s eyes landed on a beautiful picture of Tsukishima’s mom: she was wearing a white floral dress and sitting across the table from the photographer with a wide smile on her face. In front of her was a birthday cake with two candles in the middle, forming the number 42.

 

“Hey, Tsukki, did you take all these photos?” Kuroo asked and pointed at the touching portrait.

 

“Uh, only some of them, but they’re mostly my brother’s. Like that one” Tsukishima answered absent-mindedly while still trying to figure out the most symmetrical line-up for his medals.

 

“Tsukki, you have a BROTHER?!” Kuroo shrieked at the new piece of information “And you’re only telling me now?”

 

“You didn’t ask” Tsukishima shrugged and stepped away to look at his new trophy case.

 

“Is he older, younger, what’s his name, where does he live?” Kuroo bombarded him with questions.

 

“Why do you always get so excited when you find out something new about me?” Tsukishima jumped back in surprise “You should’ve figured it out on your own by now, criminology major”.

 

“I told you already Tsukki, it’s because I’m a Scorpio” Kuroo completely ignored Tsukishima’s attempt to get off topic “I’ll unravel all your darkest secrets someday, just wait. Now spill.”

 

“His name is Akiteru. He’s six years older than me, and he’s currently in Australia. Before you ask, he’s a photographer for the National Geographic” Tsukishima finally complied.

 

“Woah, that’s so cool!” Kuroo was satisfied with the answer “How come you decided to be a boring lawyer when you have such a wild older brother then?”

 

“For the last time, it’s not boring!” Tsukishima smacked him with the closest record. People usually had that reaction – “your older brother is so friendly and kind, plus he travels around the world and does a creative job, how did you turn out so boring?” He was sick of the same old comparison.

 

“Kidding, kidding” Kuroo grinned like a child again “You know I can’t wait to work with you. I catch the bad guys, and then you throw them in jail. We’ll make a great team.”

 

Tsukishima was unexpectedly touched by that acknowledgment coming from Kuroo. They already made a great team – they had a similar sense of humor, mutual understanding and undeniable chemistry. But with those words, everything seemed to have fallen into place. Tsukishima knew he’d found a person that will have an important impact on him, but he still wasn’t sure how.

 

“Well, looks like we’re all done here” Kuroo announced with great relief “Wait, where’s the ninth box?”

 

Tsukishima looked around the room like he didn’t know what Kuroo was talking about, but he knew he was screwed. Kuroo moved the sheets and ducked to look under the bed and found the box Kei had previously kicked there. He looked pretty pleased to find it too.

 

“If you open it I’m moving out.”

 

“Oh. My. God.”

 

Kuroo took a small figurine of a t-rex into his hands with great care and examined it from all angles while Tsukishima thought of ways to slip into a comma. He didn’t bring his collection on purpose (as much as it hurt him), but his mother just had to send them over and give Kuroo more weapons to destroy him. Kuroo had never looked so happy in his entire life.

 

“So it wasn’t a childhood phase, huh. You’re an absolute, full-on dino-nerd” Kuroo stated like he found out the very essence of Tsukishima Kei’s being “That’s insanely adorable.”

 

“Will you quit calling me adorable?” Tsukishima protested, but he was already a blushing mess “You talk like my older brother, or even worse, my mom.”

 

“Fascinating. Amazing. Brilliant” Kuroo mumbled while still inspecting the dinosaurs.

 

“Maybe if you had any hobbies besides crying it wouldn’t be that surprising” Tsukishima tried to defend himself.

 

“Ow!” Kuroo suddenly looked away from the figure in his hands and at Tsukishima “Are you forgetting movies, cooking and annoying the hell out of you?”

 

“Annoying your roommate as a hobby is so much lamer than dinosaurs!” Tsukishima started laughing.

 

Kuroo almost always fell silent when Tsukishima laughed like this because he enjoyed simply watching him laugh. It was one of the rare occasions when his scrunched-up features relaxed completely and he radiated innocence. That expression looked much more natural with his fluffy vanilla-colored hair and almond-shaped golden eyes than his usual frown, and Kuroo wished he could make him smile like that all the time.

 

He swallowed his spit to stop himself from getting too tangled up in Tsukishima’s beauty, and just on time. Tsukishima put his dinosaurs on a separate shelf above his desk, the only one that remained empty. He let out a relieved sigh once he was finally finished decorating his new room, and Kuroo helped him take out the empty cardboard boxes.

 

They went back to the living room and lit up a cigarette to celebrate the small victory. After two weeks, countless playful or deep conversations, and four hours of unpacking, it finally felt like Tsukishima was a true member of the household. Kuroo wanted anyone, anything was better than being alone, and Tsukishima just wanted an affordable residence while he’s in college and a flatmate that won’t cause too much trouble. In the end, they both got so much more than they asked for.

 

“Hey, Tsukki” Kuroo initiated another conversation after only a few minutes of silence “Are you getting nervous about starting college tomorrow?”

 

“I mean, maybe a little bit” Tsukishima admitted while fiddling with his fingers “But not more than expected, I guess?”

 

“It’s going to be great. The people at our school are generally pretty chill, and you’re the biggest nerd I know, so there’s nothing to worry about, social nor academical” Kuroo assured him. Once again he knew all the words Tsukishima needed to hear. Not only that, but even just his deep voice had a soothing effect on Tsukishima.

 

“Well, if dumbasses like you can finish two years with good grades, I really have no reason to be afraid” Tsukishima giggled viciously and Kuroo was moments away from throwing a pillow at him, but he realized it wouldn’t be smart to burn the pillow with a cigarette.

 

“I remember my first day in college like it was yesterday…” Kuroo started reminiscing and already earned himself an eye-roll “I wasn’t particularly nervous, since many of my friends from high school got in too, but no one was in my program. Anyway, I underestimated the size of the campus and got lost trying to find my lecture room, and then I run head-first into this owl-looking guy who looks about as lost as me. It turns out we’re in the same program, so we keep wandering around together, and somehow end up being late for our first lecture ever. Fun times. But he’s still one of my best friends, you’ll have to meet them all one day”.

 

Tsukishima wasn’t sure how he felt about meeting more people as obnoxious as Kuroo (especially when they were described as “owl-looking”), but he appreciated that Kuroo deemed him worthy of introducing to all his friends. One day.

 

As the night went on Kuroo kept talking about his college experiences, mostly about all the times he cut class with his fated friend (whose name was Bokuto, he revealed) to do something utterly stupid like compete who could eat more gyoza in 10 minutes, like that couldn’t wait until after lectures.

 

Some of the stories made Tsukishima choke from laughing and it made Kuroo’s heart so warm it almost hurt. There was just something about Tsukishima’s laughter, maybe because it wasn’t compliant to his usual façade, but it wasn’t even a rare sight for Kuroo anymore. Still, it always caught him off guard and made all his insides do a backflip, which was in no way a good sign.

 

He really, really didn’t want to fall for Tsukishima. Not so soon after his mildly traumatic break-up, not ever. Tsukishima was emotionally unavailable, shared about three percent of his real self and he didn’t give off any sign of liking Kuroo that way at all. Kuroo usually knew when people had a thing for him, but Tsukishima was impossible to read. Which is what made him even more attractive in Kuroo’s eyes.

 

“Well, I hope my college experience doesn’t include that much carrying home a huge drunk child” Tsukishima finally commented, “Though it sounds like you have a lot of fun.”

 

“Yeah, I do, when Bokuto’s not vomiting over my new white sneakers. You’d think he’d know his limits after two years, but he just gets worse with time” Kuroo complained, but had a fond smile on his face.

 

“I hate people who can’t hold their liquor” Tsukishima said with disgust “Our senpais took us drinking once when we finished our first year and I had to spend most of the night listening to Yamaguchi cry about how he’ll never be with Yachi, as if I hadn’t done enough of that, only this time he was crying actual tears”.

 

“Aw, that’s so cute!” Kuroo squeaked and hugged his knees “What kind of drunk are you?”

 

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’ve ever been drunk” Tsukishima shrugged “I’ve been tipsy a few times, but I know when to stop. I’m not going to just make a fool out of myself.”

 

Kuroo stood up on the couch and showed his most shocked expression yet. “Tsukki, you’re telling me you’ve never been drunk?! That’s it, it is now my life mission to get you fucked up”.

 

Tsukishima laughed at him mockingly, but then considered the concept. “I’ll tell you what” he offered “If we both pass this semester with good grades, I’ll let you take me out for a celebratory drink. But only if you let me sleep now.”

 

“Oh it’s on, Tsukki.”

 

* * *

 

Just over four months later, in mid-August, Kuroo and Tsukishima both passed their last tests of the semester. Just as Kuroo promised, adjusting to university life wasn’t too hard for Tsukishima – he got near perfect marks on all his tests and even managed to talk to a few people from his course. He didn’t make any serious friends, but he fairly often helped people with their coursework during lunch breaks instead of reading alone.

 

“If I remember correctly, we made a deal once upon a time.”

 

“Deal? What deal?” Tsukishima pretended he didn’t remember, but he knew from the start Kuroo wouldn’t let him go that easily.

 

“We both passed the semester with flying colors, and I believe that calls for getting hammered” Kuroo sing-songed. He had been looking forward to this day for four months, studying diligently just to get a chance to see drunk Tsukishima. He was sure it was going to be unforgettable and he freed up enough memory on his phone to document it, just in case.

 

But the truth was, Tsukishima was nervous about drinking with Kuroo. He had no idea what he might be able to do under the influence of alcohol, not even having a previous meeting with the Drunk Tsukishima. He was scared to death of making one wrong move while intoxicated and ruining their entire friendship.

 

Still, he couldn’t help but anticipate it. After all, it was also a way for him to meet drunk Kuroo, who was probably hilarious, and it was his first time going to an actual bar in Tokyo. „It’s a really chill place, nothing like a nightclub or anything. My friend’s dad owns it, so I always get the first round free“ Kuroo grinned proudly.

 

„So that’s how you’re still not broke“ Tsukishima noted. Kuroo knew a lot of people, which didn’t come as a surprise, and he never hesitated to pull his strings. A born detective.

 

„Tonight works for you, right?“ Kuroo double-checked. Tsukishima hummed affirmatively and returned to his book, which made Kuroo serve a pillow to his head.

 

„Was that really necessary?“ Tsukishima frowned after blocking the pillow before it could hit him.

 

„Tsuuuuki, you’ve JUST finished your exams, and you’re reading again?“

 

„Yeah, for pleasure?“

 

„Come on!“ Kuroo whined and threw another pillow his way.

 

„You’re like a needy kitten that demands constant attention, you know that?“ Tsukishima complained, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling.

 

„Are you saying I’m cute?“ Kuroo’s smile turned even more cat-like.

 

That was exactly what Tsukishima was thinking, but rather than indulging him he threw him one of the pillows he’d been attacked with. As if he knew, somewhere deep down, just what Tsukishima’s silence meant, Kuroo smiled and finally let him read in peace.

 

The thing is, they were rarely ever in their bedrooms. Sometimes Tsukishima was too exhausted, especially if he had previously socialized more than usual, so he locked himself up in his room for a few hours, and Kuroo understood that. But all the other times, they were both in the living room. They did their own things and barely even talked, but they were always aware of the other’s presence. That’s what made living with Kuroo so perfectly calming.

* * *

 

Tonight was a whole other story.

 

It was nothing like the quiet nights they were used to. Tsukishima waited in the hallway for Kuroo to get ready for their big „night out“, which was taking a ridiculously long time. He called him out on it a couple of times and Kuroo always replied with something about „not rushing art“, though they both knew the „art“ was fixing his hair.

 

Tsukishima was getting a little embarrassed about his outfit even though he knew Kuroo would be obsessed with it. He decided to risk it and pair his standard black skinny jeans with a short-sleeved black button-up with a pink orchid print. Akiteru got it for him when he was in Paris with his girlfriend and it was a high-end brand, so Kei felt guilty about never wearing it before. He liked the shirt, he really did, but he was afraid it would look too out of character for him. That night, however, he was determined to face some of his fears and, as Kuroo would say, „live a little“.

 

When Kuroo finally came out of the bathroom, however, he realized he was nowhere near over-the-top. It wasn’t Kuroo’s clothes that were over the top – it was a simple black t-shirt and black cigarette pants – but the way they fit him. There was something provocative about Kuroo in all black.

 

Unlike Tsukishima, who never changed his hairstyle (and tonight was no exception), Kuroo did something even more drastic than slicking his hair back like he did when Tsukishima’s mom came over. It was still messy, just in a less gravity-defying way, and he suddenly had an undercut.

 

„Did you really just shave off your hair yourself?“ was the first thing Tsukishima managed to say, even succeeding to add some snark to it. It didn’t look bad, not in the least – somehow Kuroo only managed to look better with everything he did.

 

„It’s not too uneven, is it?“ Kuroo asked with a hint of worry and turned around so Tsukishima could get a better look. Once he assured him it’s okay, Kuroo sighed with relief and touched the back of his neck somewhat shyly. This is too much, Tsukishima thought.

 

„That’s a great shirt!“ Kuroo finally commented on his look „I didn’t expect you to have a fashion sense, all you ever wear are jeans and t-shirts. But you clean up nice.“

 

It wasn’t a compliment at all, it was an insult, and yet it was enough to make Tsukishima uneasy. He wondered if he should really be going out in public with Kuroo when he looks like an actual model and Tsukishima looks like, well, an undeveloped fifteen-year-old who stole his older brother’s clothes.

 

„Shall we go then?“ Kuroo smiled brightly and offered his arm.

 

„I’m not linking arms with you, Kuroo.“

 

Less than twenty minutes later they were standing in front of a red neon sign that read „The Black Cat“, which Tsukishima thought was an appropriate name for a favorite bar of Kuroo’s. Kuroo opened the door for him and he was immediately taken in by the warm honey-colored lighting. The bar looked more European and less like a place where Japanese businessmen usually drank beer after work, it felt regal, but the large number of people who were laughing and talking informally created a casual setting. 

 

Kuroo signaled to the sit by the bar since most other seats were already taken and Tsukishima followed him while trying to absorb more of the atmosphere. The quiet background music confirmed Tsukishima’s observation that it was a jazz bar, which was great because he hated places with music so loud and obnoxious that you couldn’t talk to anyone.

 

A tall silver-haired bartender that Tsukishima recognized right away approached them and greeted Kuroo. „Tsukki, this is the friend I told you about, the one whose dad owns the place, Lev. Lev, this is my roommate Tsukishima“ Kuroo introduced them, although Lev looked like he was trying to figure out where he knew Tsukishima from.

 

„Tsukishima-san, aren’t you in my Philosophy class?“ he exclaimed once he finally remembered. Tsukishima nodded shyly, but he was surprised anyone would even notice his existence in college. Anyone who didn’t need his help with homework and was never grouped with him for a project, that is.

 

„Oh, so you two know each other already?“ Kuroo beamed up „Well, no talking about college tonight, only alcohol!“

 

„That’s the spirit!“ Lev cheered, and Tsukishima remembered – you had to be a special kind of dumbass to be friends with Kuroo Tetsurou.

 

„I’ll take my usual, how ’bout you?“ Kuroo asked without even opening the menu.

 

„Uh, I don’t know, what’s your usual?“ Tsukishima asked cautiously, but of course Kuroo took it how he wanted to.

 

„Okay, two Devil’s Ice Teas here Lev!“ he ordered before Tsukishima could even ask what the fuck that is, and Lev flashed a smile coupled with a thumbs-up.

 

„Lev makes the meanest Devil’s Ice Tea. It doesn’t taste like shit but has, what, seven types of alcohol, including absinthe, so I never have to buy more than two. Take notes my child, these are some sacred money-saving hacks“ Kuroo explained. Fantastic.

 

„It’s a nice place“ Tsukishima commented.

 

„Thanks, my dad wanted to make something similar to his favorite bar back in Moscow, since there aren’t many European-style places in Tokyo, and it became unexpectedly popular!“ Lev told proudly, and finally some things fell into place. If there was one thing he was proud of, it was being taller than everyone else, and now he could at least console himself with the fact that Lev was half-Russian.

 

Tsukishima observed closely as Lev mixed the cocktail in two glasses at the same time like it was the easiest yet most interesting thing in the world, and he already knew from the ingredients he could recognize that he was not going to be sober after drinking all of that. Kuroo’s plan was working perfectly so far.

 

„Here you go, enjoy!“ Lev handed them their glasses and ran off when a nearby couple asked for a check.

 

„To your first successful semester in college and many more to come“ Kuroo winked with a raised glass „Cheers!“

 

Tsukishima bumped his glass with his own and drank a bit more than he planned to, just to wash down that wink. The drink was white at the bottom and cranberry-colored at the top, and the taste wasn’t half bad. He could sense the alcohol on the back of his throat, but nothing too aggressive - it wasn’t going to be a pain to finish.s

 

„Ah, after four months, finally a proper Friday night-out instead of take-out“ Kuroo laughed at his own rhyme. Tsukishima had to admit he liked seeing Kuroo at night without tears in his eyes and/or a spoonful of chocolate ice cream in his mouth. He looked a lot better than when Tsukishima had met him, and a lot happier. He wanted to think he took some part in that.

 

For a full hour the two of them talked (with Lev chiming in every now and then), laughed, smoked and sipped on their cocktails. Tsukishima was starting to feel a pleasant buzz after drowning about a half of his glass, and he felt like he was going to lose his mind from looking that closely at Kuroo and not being able to kiss him.

 

The night itself called for crossing borders. The room was hazy from all the smoke and the steadily dimming orange lights felt like they were seeping in right below Tsukishima’s skin. The music also got louder at some point, so Tsukishima had to lean in closer to Kuroo in order to hear what he was saying with such an innocent smile on his face. It was, apparently, the story of how Bokuto got his current boyfriend to go out with him.

 

„So we’re cramming for our Criminal Law final, which is boring as shit, and we’re in this awful coffee shop, right“ Kuroo was slurring his words slightly and Tsukishima giggled „Seriously, we only went there because we were both broke and it’s the cheapest place we could find. But then he noticed this waiter and he made me go there with him _every_ _day_. He spent so much money buying shitty coffee for me just so he didn’t have to go alone, but he couldn’t even talk to the guy!“

 

Kuroo’s stories (most of which included Bokuto acting like an idiot) were even more entertaining to Tsukishima when they were both tipsy. He laughed without holding back at things that would normally hardly earn a snicker, and he was having fun. Just like everything else he did with Kuroo, getting drunk was simply fun.

 

The only problem was maintaining his self-control. As hard as he was trying to concentrate on Kuroo’s words, his lips that were wet from the cocktail and his eyes glistening in the intimate illumination were awfully distracting. His slightly intoxicated brain couldn’t stop thinking about how attractive Kuroo was, how _right_ it would feel to finally place his lips on his, and how cruel it was to be forced to keep his eyes on, but hands off of him.

 

„And then two months later I’ve had it, my insides are screaming to stop drinking that toxic coffee, so I lie to him and say Akaashi thinks he’s cute too“ Kuroo almost died laughing at that, like he was some kind of genius for lying to his friend „You should’ve seen the look on his face, Tsukki, he was shaking! And then when Akaashi handed him his cup of coffee he just dropped it, it went straight through his hands and spilled all over his lap!“

 

Tsukishima was aware his smile looked fonder than was platonically acceptable and that his cheeks were flushed, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Kuroo’s eyes were shut and he worried he was going to fall over from the stool because he was clenching his stomach in laughter, and Tsukishima knew he was in love.

 

It was a thought that began forming a mere week after he met Kuroo, but he never allowed himself to finish it. Now that the alcohol prevented the rational part of his mind from cutting it short, it was too late. It suddenly became something he had to learn to live with and he thought his heart was going to explode from the fear that brought him.

 

„Sorry, toilet“ he announced in a hurry and jumped off his stool.

 

„Are you going to throw up?“ Kuroo’s expression momentarily became serious again.

 

„No, just need to wash my face“

 

He entered the empty bathroom and grabbed the countertop like it was the last thing connecting him to this earth. He looked himself in the mirror and it was a mess – his face was now so hot that not even six splashes of the coldest water could help him cool off, but it helped only slightly in collecting his thoughts. He was still drunk, that much he knew, but he couldn’t let himself get drunk enough to act on his feelings. No more Devil’s Ice Teas, ever.

 

After slapping himself gently on each side, cleaning his glasses and adjusting his collar, he took a deep breath in preparation to act normal in front of Kuroo. He wondered if it was safe to leave that huge child alone, and prayed to god he hadn’t ordered another round while he was gone. In any case, he had to get back there quickly to make sure he doesn’t fall on his head because he was laughing at one of his own lame jokes.

 

When he came back Kuroo wasn’t smiling, he didn’t even look drunk anymore – he was frozen.

 

„Kuroo, what happened?“ Tsukishima asked before he even sat down.

 

„He’s here. Oikawa.“

 

 _Well_ , _shit._ Tsukishima couldn’t read much from Kuroo’s blank eyes. His lips were parted slightly from the shock of seeing his ex for the first time in months, and knowing Oikawa, he probably wasn’t alone either. Tsukishima didn’t want to look behind him, knowing it would look too obvious, so he started thinking with the last sober inch of his brain.

 

„Okay, stay calm“ he says in his most soothing voice „Hold my hand.“

 

„What?“

 

„If he looks this way, just grab my hand and pretend I said something funny. That way he’ll see you’ve moved on too. Otherwise just pretend he’s not here. Come on.“

 

Kuroo looked surprised that Tsukishima would suggest something like that, but it was a good plan. Oikawa wasn’t looking. He took Tsukishima’s hand with utmost care and found it fit perfectly into his.

 

Tsukishima tried to swallow his painfully fast heartbeat. Kuroo’s hand was warm and his skin was softer than it looked, yet his grip was strong. He tried to enjoy it while he still could, because he knew he’d never get this good of an excuse to hold Kuroo’s hand again. He squeezed back tentatively and as soon as they started talking, it was easy to forget they were holding hands.

 

„I just don’t get it“ Kuroo rambled „It’s the back-up setter from his team! That’s just sad. Plus, he’s nowhere near my level. He’s shorter and skinnier than me, and he looks grumpy. I mean, sure, his hair is tidy, and he has „dark blue eyes“ or whatever, but still...“

 

Something clicked in Tsukishima’s brain. He slowly and fearfully turned around to look at Oikawa’s table, after giving Kuroo’s hand an even stronger squeeze.

 

It was Kageyama.

 

„Lev, what’s the strongest cocktail you serve?“

 

„Oh, I don’t think you want to try that...“ Lev replied shyly „It’s a Russian cocktail made of...“

 

„We’ll take two“ Tsukishima insisted without letting him finish.

 

„Kuroo-san, are you...“ Lev turned to Kuroo in search of some support.

 

„We’ll take two“ Kuroo repeated and Lev had no choice but to mix it.

 

„Please don’t tell me you saw what I think you saw“ Kuroo giggled.

 

„Yup“ Tsukishima said dryly „Our exes are dating.“

 

Kuroo started laughing like crazy again. Tsukishima was glad he didn’t start crying at the sight of Oikawa like he would expect, but he wasn’t sure what to make of his own emotions. It was just plain confusing.

 

He felt uncomfortable and the guilt from the last time he saw Kageyama returned, but other than that, his world didn’t come crashing down either. He thought he’d feel worse, he almost felt guilty for not being affected enough by it, but it was the truth. His heart did clinch, and it always will – it’s Kageyama, it’s his first love, the one that changed his life forever. But his world has been spinning without him for a long time now.

 

The jealousy he felt towards Oikawa had more to do with the fact that Kuroo balantly staring at him, even though he was holding _his_ hand. He almost downed the entire glass of whatever the hell it was that Lev brought him in one go, trying not to think too hard about Kuroo, or Kageyama, or anything. In the moment when he was unable to string a cohesive thought anyway, a swarm of new feelings flocked around him like predators waiting to tear him apart. If he weren’t drunk, they’d probably succeed.

 

„Are you okay?“ Kuroo finally asked him „Don’t go overboard.“

 

„You’re the one to talk“ Tsukishima huffed a weak laugh „You were the one who begged me to get drunk with you, weren’t you?“

 

„Yeah, because I thought you’d be a bit less stingy and act like a dumbass, but you’re obviously still not drunk enough to become a human being.“

 

„Well, I guess this kind of ruined the night...“

 

„It doesn’t have to“ Kuroo said suggestively while finishing his second drink.

 

„What do you mean?“ Tsukishima was startled and didn’t want an actual answer to something said in such a dirty tone.

 

„We’ll just have to ruin their night in return“ he smirked „Oh, just in time. Kageyama-kun’s looking.“

 

He unlaced his hand from Tsukishima’s and instead put it on his thigh. It was closer to the knee, but that was enough to send shivers down Tsukishima’s spine. It wasn’t fair. Kuroo was only using him to get back at Oikawa, or it was his twisted idea of helping him make Kageyama jealous (probably a mix of both), he knew that. He knew he was being taken advantage of and he couldn’t be angry. Instead, he enjoyed it.

 

But he wasn’t going to let Kuroo go that easily.

 

„He looks pretty shocked“ Kuroo whispered in his ear while sending poisonous glances at Kageyama from over his shoulder.

 

Tsukishima quickly composed himself and thought about how to get back at Kuroo. He was now drunk enough to be able to realize his darkest desires, but not drunk enough to do anything drastic in a public place.

 

„Watch his face now“ he whispered back to Kuroo.

 

He took the hand Kuroo was resting on his thigh and pulled it up ever so slightly. Kuroo gulped, wondering if he would go further. He didn’t, but even the two inches he did made a difference. And he wasn’t finished.

 

Tsukishima started getting closer to Kuroo’s face painfully slowly. Kuroo felt like he was on the verge of a heart attack, but Tsukishima showed no signs of hesitation. Once they were just a breath away, he tilted his head to the side and just barely parted his lips. But he never closed the gap.

 

„So?“

 

It took Kuroo some time to process what had just happened. He might’ve hallucinated. Tsukishima Kei, who couldn’t even say a nice thing about his own brother without getting embarrassed, slid Kuroo’s hand up his thigh. He looked him straight in the eye so sinfully, and he didn’t even kiss him. Kuroo didn’t know why that disappointed him so much.

 

„So, did he spit his drink out and die?“ Tsukishima repeated the question Kuroo obviously didn’t hear the first time from the noise of his own frantic thoughts. They were both so drunk that the room became a big orange blur, so this tension was no surprise. They aren’t usually like this. They were trying to get back at their exes.

 

Both of them were making the exact same excuses for both their actions and reactions, but the unspoken truths were almost tangible in the symbolic space between them. Tsukishima left Kuroo’s personal space and straightened his back like nothing happened, still showing no signs of remorse. It was a completely different person from the closed-off Tsukishima that Kuroo knew.

 

Tsukishima turned around and waved at Oikawa with a polite yet vicious smile on his face.

 

„Who are you and what did you do to my Tsukki?“ Kuroo slurred, but he was smiling.

 

 _His_ Tsukki. Tsukishima loved the sound of that. It even made that godawful nickname more bearable.

 

„Why are you blushing so hard?“ Tsukishima full-on laughed „You weren’t answering my question, so I had to see for myself. And believe me, we’ve succeeded.“

 

Kuroo did find that prospect amusing - Oikawa’s jaw-dropping from the sight of Kuroo’s tall, blond new „boyfriend“. But after the little show Tsukishima put on, no matter how tame it objectively was, he could hardly think about Oikawa. Well, fuck.

 

Tsukishima then put a hand on his head and closed his eyes. Kuroo knew that second mysterious cocktail was starting to kick in in the wrong way, and he felt it in his own head too, so he suggested they go out before they get the brilliant idea of ordering another one.

 

„Can we go get something to eat?“ Tsukishima asked after they paid Lev. Kuroo giggled because he sounded like a child trying to ask his mom nicely for some McDonald’s. He nodded and hopped off the bar stool once he thought he’d gathered enough balance.

 

Tsukishima, on the other hand, almost collapsed while trying to step on the ground, but luckily Kuroo was there to catch him. Kuroo took his arm and wrapped it around his own shoulders so he could support him better. He asked Lev for a glass of water that was soon handed to him and made Tsukishima drink it, just to be sure he’ll be able to walk.

 

„’S okay, I can walk“ Tsukishima assured him and finally straightened his legs.

 

„Fine, but hold onto me just in case, we’re going to pass by Oikawa and Kageyama.“

 

Kuroo knew he was still milking that excuse just to get more physical contact with Tsukishima, there was no denying it anymore. Maybe this didn’t have to be a permanent feeling, maybe this was just drunken attraction and the weird Russian cocktail would assure they both forgot all about it after a few hours of sleep. He had to leave that thought on hold until the morning.

 

Tsukishima gripped his biceps tightly with both arms and they somehow walked past their exes without stumbling. Once they closed the door of the bar behind them, they both started laughing so hard their abs felt sore.

 

„This was amazing!“ Tsukishima said while catching his breath „They both looked so confused.“

 

Oh. So he was still thinking about Kageyama. Kuroo remembered why it all happened in the first place, an important fact that so conveniently slipped his mind. But they were now outside of the bar and in the middle of a pleasantly crisp Tokyo night.

 

„How do fries and burgers sound for a 3am dinner?“ Kuroo asked after barely making out the time on his phone.

 

„Sounds great“ Tsukishima mumbled and followed Kuroo to the nearby diner that was open 24/7.

 

They were zig-zagging through the almost empty streets and laughing without even talking much. Tsukishima’s voice sounded higher than normal, which made him even cuter to Kuroo. He rambled about craving a strawberry milkshake and many other things Kuroo couldn’t make out completely.

 

„Tsukki, Tsukki, wait, that’s a street!“ Kuroo ran after him after the blond went straight to the crossing without even looking at the traffic light. He managed to grab his hand and run to the other side before a car honked at them furiously.

 

„Jesus, Tsukki, you scared the crap out of me!“ he yelled at him, but the blond was still giggling like a child „You can’t function on your own, don’t let go of my hand unless you want to die, okay?“

 

Tsukishima didn’t need to be persuaded further. His hand laid in Kuroo’s innocently as they walked through the city’s fluorescent lights, and he was truly, completely happy.

 

Kuroo opened the door once again, this time of an American-style retro diner. There were only two booths filled, a tired-looking couple and four high school boys who looked about as drunk as them. Even so, they sat in the back of the restaurant and a short young waitress immediately took their order. Kuroo felt bad for the poor girl for having to work so late and serve drunk idiots like themselves.

 

Tsukishima put his chin in his hands and examined Kuroo’s face with doe eyes. „What? Does my hair look dumb again?“

 

„Yeah“ Tsukishima said blankly „Your whole face looks dumb.“

 

„Well you look like a drunk six-year-old, so I think I still win“ Kuroo replied.

 

„That’s not a very nice thing to say to the guy who saved you from humiliation in front of your beloved ex.“

 

„I saved you from _death_.“

 

They kept going back and forth like that until the waitress brought their food, and then they resumed, only now they were also subtly throwing fries at each other.

 

„Are you sure you’re okay with only fries and a milkshake? You should’ve gotten a burger too, it would help you sober up“ Kuroo suggested.

 

„You’re not my mom, Kuro“ Tsukishima said while taking a french fry right off Kuroo’s plate.

 

„You literally have a full plate of your own fries and you take mine!?“ Kuroo laughed while pretending to be angry.

 

„Yeah, it’s more fun when I take yours“ Tsukishima told him simply. He was really acting like a kid, which only further confused Kuroo’s heart. Just an hour or so ago he was putting on that deviant scene, and now he was sitting there with a pink milkshake in front of him.

 

Drunk affection is a thing too, Kuroo reminded himself. There was still something dirty in the way Tsukishima absent-mindedly put the cherry from his milkshake between his lips while staring out the window, but that was just a cheap trick of Kuroo’s mind. Tsukishima couldn’t be toying with him on purpose.

 

Some old music in English was playing softly in the background while Kuroo’s fantasies were fleeting freely through his mind. They didn’t talk much, just ate their fries and tried to recover from the excessive amounts of alcohol in their blood. It was that comfortable type of silence they both loved.

 

„This fry looks like you“ Kuroo grinned and raised an especially long and thin fry from his plate. Tsukishima’s only response was to sling one of his own fries at him, but his lips curved upwards.

 

„So tell me“ Kuroo tried again, eager to save himself from the horror of being alone with his feelings „What is it about that Kageyama guy that got both you and Oikawa whipped?“

 

„I don’t know about Oikawa, but honestly, I hated that guy at first“ Tsukishima admitted, still looking out the window into the empty street „He’s a self-centered, asocial volleyball weirdo, so he was just fun to tease. He gets riled up so easily, I guess that’s why I started wasting my time on him.“

 

„Are you telling me you get off on annoying the fuck out of guys?“ Kuroo snorted.

 

„Maybe“ Tsukishima had to giggle too „Well, he also gives pretty good blowjobs.“

 

„God, Tsukki, you’re so shameless when you’re drunk!“ Kuroo tossed him a fry, but he was the one getting embarrassed from hearing that.

 

„Just kidding“ Tsukishima’s voice suddenly dropped „He’s a really good guy, once you get past his defense. He’s a real dork and he isn’t very vocal about his feelings, but you can see he cares.“

 

„Sounds a lot like someone I know“ Kuroo smiled sadly. Hearing Tsukishima’s warm words directed at Kageyama felt like a stab to the heart for an „unknown“ reason.

 

„I guess that’s why it was bound to fall apart sooner or later“ Tsukishima shrugged „You can’t be with someone who’s just like you.“

 

„You don’t think you would have lasted if he didn’t move away?“ Kuroo perked up, trying to hide the hint of hope in his voice.

 

„Nah“ Tsukishima sounded bored „We started falling apart long before that. To be honest, it was a relief somewhere deep down. The frequent fights were maybe kind of hot at the beginning, but then they just became tiring.“

 

„Yeah, I think the same happened to me and Tooru“ Kuroo admitted once he peeked into his own heart „I’m too jealous to be with someone that popular, no matter how hot I know I am. It was unstable from the beginning, but I guess I just like the idea of getting someone who’s hard to get.“

 

„Do you realize we’re having a very pathetic drunk heart-to-heart at an empty diner at 4am?“

 

Kuroo laughed. „We’re a living, breathing cliche.“

 

„I think it’s time we go home“ Tsukishima yawned „Although I’m not sure I’m sober enough to walk properly yet.“

 

Kuroo called for a check and ate his last remaining fry with a hint of sadness. The night he spent with Tsukishima was magical in many ways – the hot air at the bar, the thrill of walking through the city hand in hand, and then laughing and (almost) crying at this cheesy diner. It really sounded like a mash-up of many low-budget teenage movies.

 

They didn’t even remember how they reached (or, better question, unlocked) their apartment – the whole trip from the diner went by in a flash. They weren’t nearly hit by any more cars, and Tsukishima threw himself on the couch as soon as he took his shoes off.

 

„Whew“ he said sleepily „That was a night.“

 

„A hell of a night“ Kuroo repeated „We should go to bed right away.“

 

„No, we should do something else“ Tsukishima suggested while looking at the ceiling.

 

„What?“ Kuroo laughed because he knew something dumb was going to come out of his drunk mouth again „In case you don’t remember, your genius ideas almost killed us tonight already.“

 

„We should make out“ Tsukishima said bluntly.

 

„Kageyama and Oikawa aren’t here anymore, y’know?“ Kuroo tried to play it off so his heart wouldn’t start malfunctioning.

 

„So?“

It was obvious that Tsukishima had no filter – he’d probably move out if Kuroo reminded him tomorrow that he said that, and then he’d die. No matter how much Kuroo wanted to know if Tsukishima’s lips still tasted like strawberry milkshake and alcohol, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he ruined their friendship.

 

„So why then?“ he asked cautiously.

 

„Because...“ he sounded like he had no intention (or ability) to finish that thought in the first place, but then his eyelids also started to flutter.

 

„I think we’re sticking to my plan of going to sleep, then“ Kuroo murmured with a soft smile on his face as he saw Tsukishima switch off in the matter of seconds.

 

He had no choice but to carry Tsukishima to his room bridal-style, which wasn’t hard considering how skinny he was. He was debating on whether or not he should get Tsukishima in his pajamas too, but decided seeing Tsukki in his underwear for the first time would be too much for tonight. It will be uncomfortable in the morning, but he obviously had no problem falling asleep in his jeans, so it’s on him.

 

Kuroo threw a thin blanket over the sleeping blond and put a water bottle next to his bed to prepare for the hellish morning that awaited them. When he returned to his own room, he thanked that second cocktail for helping him fall asleep, otherwise his thoughts would’ve been the end of him.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter was REALLY HARD to write, and I'm not doing a very good job with this fic in general, BUT! I've started proofreading (I'll go over the previous two chapters soon) and it's accidentally longer than usual, so I hope that helps!  
> PS. Have I completely PRANKED you in this chapter? ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, I hope it was somewhat worth it! Thank you for always being patient with me <3

Tsukishima was afraid to even open his eyes when he realized how loudly his head was pounding. With a few cautious flutters of his eyelids, he assured himself he was in his own room, fully clothed, which was the most important thing. He tried to recollect his memories of the previous night, but his head only started pulsing harder, so he decided not to think about anything for the time being.

 

Someone knocked on his closed door, but it felt like they knocked on his forehead with a hammer. He made some unintelligible noise and the door opened, letting in just one painful flash of light before it was closed again.

 

„Sorry, I forgot to leave Aspirin on your nightstand yesterday, so I’m bringing it now“ Kuroo said softly because he assumed his words would echo too loudly in Tsukishima’s hungover head.

 

Tsukishima mumbled something that contained no real words again and somehow made himself get up so he could swallow the pill. His head protested to that movement, but his sore throat appreciated the big gulps of water. He put on his glasses as well and finally glanced at Kuroo. He looked like nothing happened, his hair messy as usual, but otherwise smiling.

 

„How the fuck are you still alive after that?“ Tsukishima was envious.

 

„Good morning to you too, princess“ Kuroo giggled „Nice to know you can still form sentences.“

 

„Was I actually hit by a car last night?“ Tsukishima sighed and put a hand on his temple. He had never had a headache like that, and on top of it, he still felt nauseous. He prayed the pill he’d swallowed would start working soon, otherwise his brain will either explode or come through his mouth.

 

„Almost, but don’t worry, I saved you“ Kuroo said proudly. He looked like he was enjoying this situation more than he should’ve, which irritated Tsukishima even more than the fact that he was the only one feeling like shit. „Do you really not remember that?“

 

That was a good question. Tsukishima should’ve remembered a near-death experience, but there was nothing like that in his memory.

 

„I remember seeing Kageyama with Oikawa, and not much after that...“ he admitted „I know we went to that diner, but I don’t know what happened there.“

 

„Well damn, you were _drunk_ drunk“ Kuroo teased him again „You don’t even remember saying ’Kuroo, you’re the most beautiful, handsome, brilliant man I’ve ever met’?“

 

The little color there was immediately left Tsukishima’s face. The tone of Kuroo’s voice sounded like he was joking, but there was a strong possibility he did say something else equally embarrassing. However, if Kuroo was still talking to him, it couldn’t have been that bad.

 

His migraine was too painful for him to think of a snarky reply, so he just rolled his eyes and drank more water. Kuroo was sitting at the end of his bed, still smiling, still making Tsukishima love him more against his will.

 

Maybe this was what he needed all along – someone to take care of him like this, someone who’ll always be there to make fun of him, someone he can be flawed and reckless and young around.

 

„I made a really good breakfast, you should probably eat that“ Kuroo suggested and tapped his knee. How is this man even real, Tsukishima thought (more often than he should). He couldn’t even remember how he got to his bed, so it was safe to assume Kuroo had his hands full with him last night. Damn him and his alcohol tolerance and inability to get a hangover.

 

„Can’t, I’ll throw up“ Tsukishima flopped back to his pillow and turned his head to the side so he wouldn’t have to look at Kuroo anymore. He probably looked like a child who didn’t want to go to school early in the morning.

 

„You have to eat breakfast, remember, I promised your mom?“ Kuroo continued pushing him „C’mon, if you let it get cold I’ll remind you of more embarrassing things you did yesterday.“

 

Tsukishima could feel his face heating up at that terrifying possibility. He couldn’t believe he let himself slip up and gave Kuroo so much blackmail material. Even after trying his best to remember what came after that awful Russian cocktail, he couldn’t piece it together, and it was probably for the best. He discarded the possibility of having done or said anything romantic to Kuroo, since they were still talking as usual, but maybe Kuroo was just taking advantage of his amnesia.

 

„Please tell me I didn’t talk to Kageyama“ he begged.

 

„You didn’t, don’t worry. Now come have breakfast with me“ Kuroo assured him and took his hand to physically drag him out of the bed.

 

That feeling was familiar, although Tsukishima never held hands with Kuroo before. They nudged and elbowed each other all the time, but holding hands was too intimate. _Oh no_.

 

The warmth of Kuroo’s hand was undoubtedly something he’d felt before, but he was too afraid to ask. Holding hands wasn’t anything scandalous, it was probably just during that close-call car accident Kuroo was talking about, but what angered Tsukishima was that he’ll never remember the first (and probably last) time he held Kuroo’s hand. Alcohol was his enemy, he concluded.

 

He used his last atom of strength to get up just so he could let go of Kuroo. It earned him another sharp wave of pain, but Kuroo’s content smile as well, so it was a fair trade. Kuroo lead him to the kitchen where a big English breakfast was already set.

 

Another one of their perfect little mornings, filled with delicious home-cooked food and laughter and teasing. Mundane, but still something Tsukishima doesn’t think he’ll ever really get used to. Maybe getting used to isn’t the right word. Rather, he hopes he’ll never take it for granted.

* * *

Every single day looked similar to that, until a couple of weeks later when Yamaguchi and Yachi came to Tokyo to celebrate Yachi’s birthday.

 

Yamaguchi only really gave him a warning three days in advance, because they initially wanted to surprise him, but then he got nervous and accidentally slipped it into a conversation. Yamaguchi was never good at keeping secrets (except when it really mattered), especially not from his best friend. It never took a look of convincing to get him to spit it out.

 

At first Kei was just as excited as the two of them – they were only able to stay for one weekend because of their schedules in college, but the day of Hitoka’s birthday they insisted on spending alone (under the excuse of ’not wanting to bother Tsukki too much’).

 

They were set to arrive to Tokyo a day before her birthday, sometime after 1 pm, and they promised him they’d come to his place as soon as they’ve left their bags at the hotel.  
Tsukishima offered to squeeze them into his and Kuroo’s apartment for two nights so they’d spare some money, but Yamaguchi said he’d been saving up for this birthday trip for months now and wanted to include a fancy hotel into the gift as well. He couldn’t do anything but snicker at how whipped his best friend was.

* * *

"Holy shit, you look even worse than usual“ Tsukishima gasped when he came home to a Kuroo-sized burrito sprawled on the couch. The only things the heavy blanket wasn’t fully covering up was Kuroo’s puffy red face and the hair that was more chaotic than ever.

 

A billion used tissues were crumbled on the floor and there was a single bowl on the coffee table, with some miso soup still left over. If this were caused by an emotional breakdown, there would be ice cream and beer and probably Leonardo DiCaprio on the TV screen, but the lack of all those things pointed to something else. Also, he knew Kuroo’s crying face all too well, and this wasn’t it.

 

„I’m going to kill Bokuto Koutarou“ Kuroo coughed out. His voice was raspy (which was kind of, maybe, hot) and Tsukishima could almost feel how much it itched his throat to say those words. That little cough turned into a whole fit, followed by a runny nose. Pathetic, is what Tsukishima should have thought, but he thought it was funny at worst.

 

„What did you two idiots do this time?“ Tsukishima smirked as he sat on the smaller sofa next to him since Kuroo took up the entire big couch. He still hasn’t met the infamous Bokuto, but the main two things he knew about him was that a) he was an extreme dork around his boyfriend and b) he and Kuroo always got into some kind of trouble when together.

 

“You know that park near the campus, the one with the little lake?” Kuroo started and Tsukishima could already see roughly how the story was going to end.

 

“Let me guess, he told you to jump into the water just for the hell of it and you had to do it because he triple dog dared you?” Tsukishima laughed.

 

“No, Tsukki, we’re not twelve! I am a _hero_ , for your information!” Kuroo glared at him “Now where was I before you decided to be a prick? Yeah, the park. We went there during our lunch break, you know, just to get some fresh air, and then this 20-year-old toddler sees a dog”

 

“Oh my god, I already love where this is going” Tsukishima bit back another laugh.

 

“It was the tiniest ball of fluff I’ve ever seen, I wasn’t even sure it was a dog, it was about the size of a genetically-modified squirrel” Kuroo continued presenting his tragedy “But it wasn’t on a leash and didn’t even have a collar, so of course Bo has to run towards it at full speed.”

 

“And the poor thing jumped into the lake and started drowning” Tsukishima filled in the blank while Kuroo coughed out his soul.

 

“Believe me, if that six-feet-tall beefy motherfucker was running towards me, I’d jump into a lake too” Kuroo made an excuse for the dog “But I managed to save him like the saint I am. Well, technically, Bokuto saved us both since I can’t swim either, but he’s the reason we were there in the first place so I’m not going to give him any credit.”

 

Tsukishima almost rolled off the sofa and had tears in his eyes while he imagined Kuroo flapping one of his arms in the water while holding a small dog in the other. Kuroo couldn’t swim – another thing he could add to the ever-growing list of things about him that should be pathetic but were somehow cute in the context of Kuroo.

 

“Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, at least I can ride a bike!” Kuroo hit back.

 

“My mom did _not_ tell you that!” Tsukishima let out a mortified gasp. Why did Kuroo phone his mother more often than he did? It wasn’t fair that he had a source of all the embarrassing childhood stories and Tsukishima didn’t. Though he’d rather have his mom tell all his friends he couldn’t ride a bike than kick him out of the house for being gay.

 

“Oh she told me so much more than that, Tsukki” Kuroo whispered mischievously “But I’m keeping that for the next time you decide to make fun of me. Can’t show all my cards at once.”

 

“Why do you enjoy torturing me so much?” Tsukishima asked for the millionth time. It always ends up with one of them asking that redundant question. The answer was always ‘because it’s fun’, no matter who asked.

 

“Because you’re really cute when you get riled up” Kuroo replied, but then started another coughing fit. And thank god for that, because Tsukishima couldn’t muster a proper reaction to what he’d just said. It was probably just fever-induced blabbering.

 

“So I guess you’re not going to be very alive when Yamaguchi and Yachi come here tomorrow?” he quickly changed the topic once Kuroo stopped coughing.

 

“They’re coming tomorrow?! Why didn’t you tell me earlier Tsukki, this place is a mess!” Kuroo raised up slightly and started panicking. He was always very concerned about being a good host, especially when the guests were people dear to Tsukishima. Like he wanted their approval or something.

 

“He only told me yesterday, it was supposed to be a surprise, but of course Yamaguchi couldn’t keep his mouth shut” Tsukishima explained “Plus, don’t worry, they’ll be staying at a hotel and will only come tomorrow after lunch. Please don’t do anything extravagant like the six-course meal you made for my mom. Not that you could, in your condition.”

 

“No way, I’m definitely going all out for Mr. and Ms. Gucci” Kuroo scrambled out of the blanket to reach his almost empty box of tissues “Is there a special occasion or?”

 

“It’s her birthday the day after tomorrow if that’s what you’re asking. And please stop calling him Gucci.”

 

“Oh, so we’ll need a cake too. What kind of cake does the birthday girl like?” Kuroo entered his event-planner mode “And no can do, my man’s totally Gucci.”

 

“Sorry to inform you, but he’s taken.”

 

“You’re just jealous you’re not Gucci at all.”

 

“Seriously, you can’t be in the kitchen when you’re this sick, it’s not good for anyone. I’ll buy the cake and we’ll order some takeout. Don’t be an idiot and push yourself” Tsukishima tried his very best to hide the genuine concern in his voice.

 

The fact that he wanted to take care of Kuroo was nauseating and unnecessary. If the roles were reversed, Kuroo would without a doubt be checking Tsukishima’s body temperature (probably by doing something wildly inappropriate such as putting his hand on his forehead) and making him a cup of tea every two hours. Was he expected to do the same?

 

“Do you, uh, need anything?” he finally convinced himself to ask. It’s a completely valid question a friend should ask their sick roommate, nothing to be taken out of context there.

 

“Well, since you’re offering, I think a shoulder massage would really help me heal. Also, the university nurse said I have to rest, so you could tuck me in and sing me a lullaby to make sure I get the best nap possible” Kuroo listed.

 

“I’ll make sure you die” Tsukishima deadpanned “I’d honestly love to see you hit the headlines as the first person since stone age to die of a common cold.”

 

“It’s not a cold Tsukki, it’s a fever! My body temperature’s also through the roof, just so you know. But sure, I’ll let you die too when you’re in my shoes.”

 

“You’re just being dramatic.”

 

“You know what else was dramatic? That time you didn’t speak to Akiteru for two weeks because he told you dinosaurs can’t come back to life.”

 

Tsukishima raised a pillow above his head but decided to spare Kuroo for the first and last time, only because he was sick. “You won’t come back to life either once I’m done with you.”

* * *

  
The next morning Kuroo felt and looked only a little bit better, but still far from healthy. He came out of his room after 11 am, which was hours later than he usually woke up, even though it was a Saturday. Tsukishima felt like an ungrateful brat when his first concern was the fact that he had to make his own breakfast.

 

Even with his usually golden skin this ashy and his nose stuffed and red, Kuroo somehow still managed to look kind of attractive to Tsukishima. That’s how he found out he was in even deeper than he thought – there was no way that that washed-out, half-dead trainwreck could be described as “attractive”.

 

“Ew” Tsukishima said as soon as he saw him.

 

“Good morning to you too, Tsukki” Kuroo yawned and rubbed his sleep-heavy eyes, but they soon shot open and started glowing when he got a proper look at Tsukishima “Are you making me breakfast?!”

 

Tsukishima turned his head away because he was, in fact, making breakfast for the two of them – for the first time since he moved in. It was only a simple bowl of white rice with natto beans and an egg on top, a usual Japanese breakfast, but because Kuroo knew Tsukishima wasn’t keen on cooking, it was an obvious sign of his concern for him.

 

“Aww, Tsukki, I knew you didn’t want me to die!” Kuroo cooed and sat by the table to wait for the food like an excited child.

 

He got an inexplicable urge to hug Tsukishima from behind, but soon realized that was off-limits. But damn, did he want to. Tsukishima looked so good in Kuroo’s apron, especially with the way it accentuated his thin waist. Those were some dangerously elaborate thoughts that Kuroo will have to learn how to suppress.

 

“It’s not your fancy oatmeals and puke-colored protein shakes, but it looks edible” Tsukishima said as he laid the two bowls on the table and sat across from Kuroo. It was, in fact, a lot more edible than Tsukishima’s attempts at cooking usually were, but Kuroo pretended it was the best bowl of rice he’d ever tried, even though Tsukishima could taste it too and see it was nothing special.

 

“See, you’ve now uncovered the secret ingredient that makes all my food that delicious – it’s love” Kuroo revealed, but Tsukishima only rolled his eyes and blew on the rice that was between his chopsticks

 

“Now that I know you’re actually capable of cooking a safe meal, I won’t serve as your second mom anymore.”

 

He said that, but they both knew he secretly enjoyed it too much to follow up on his words. Kuroo will be such a great father, Tsukishima thought. He already acted like a dad ninety percent of the time, but the remaining ten percent he was busy with getting into trouble not even a five-year-old would get himself in. The thought of Kuroo moving out in pursuit of something better and calling someone else ‘home’ was enough to make Tsukishima panic.

 

“Anything on your mind?” Kuroo looked up from his breakfast and at Tsukishima’s unsettled face as soon as he noticed the heavy silence.

 

“Yamaguchi’s coming in about three hours” Tsukishima dodged the question, knowing Kuroo would freak out about this.

 

“Oh shit, I forgot about that again!” Kuroo dropped his chopsticks immediately “What should I wear? What should I make for lunch? You should’ve woken me up, I don’t have enough time for a cake now!”

 

“Kuroo, chill out, I already told you we’re not welcoming the Emperor! And it doesn’t matter what you wear, you’ll look like shit anyway” Tsukishima attempted to calm him down.

 

“Thanks Tsukki, that’s really consoling” Kuroo sighed “I just wish Bokuto didn’t have to chase that stupid dog, now your friends will think you live with some meth head who doesn’t even feed you.”

 

“You already talked to Yamaguchi, he knows you’re not a meth head.”

 

“But still, they deserve to see me at my best!” Kuroo insisted “Though this might’ve been the higher plan from the start, my usual amount of good looks could’ve been a serious threat to their relationship.”

 

“They’ve been hopelessly in love with each other since our first year of high school, I highly doubt they would forget about that when they see the dead animal in your hair” Tsukishima laughed.

 

But then he remembered how much he himself managed to forget once he got to know Kuroo. All the years of pain he’d been clinging onto that Kuroo almost washed away, how he shattered Tsukishima’s pledge to never fall in love again with nothing but subtle smiles and a light touch of the hand. And there he was, after just five months of living with Kuroo, enamored and needy like he never got his heart broken. 

 

„I’m just going to pretend that’s your idea of giving a compliment“ Kuroo shrugged

 

„Anyway, if you’re going out to buy a cake, get the ingredients for whatever you know they would like to eat. I’m serious, there are few things I can’t prepare, and they’ll probably be starving after that long train ride.“

 

Tsukishima picked up their empty dishes and went to his room to change into a pair of jeans, not even bothering to replace the t-shirt he had slept in. He remembered he’d have to get Yachi a proper birthday gift too, but he’ll ask Yamaguchi for a recommendation later.

 

„Yamaguchi’s favorite food is french fries and Yachi’s is fugashi, so I doubt they’ll be a tough crowd to please“ Tsukishima scoffed and locked the door behind himself.

* * *

 

„Tsukki!!“ Yamaguchi catapulted himself at Tsukishima the second he opened the door to their apartment „I haven’t seen you in forever!“

 

„It’s only been five months“ Tsukishima sounded aloof but returned the hug of his shorter friend.

 

„I’m Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukki’s roommate“ Kuroo shook hands with Yachi while the boys were hugging „Nice to finally meet the lady Yamaguchi’s been telling me so much about. You’re just as beautiful as he described.“

 

Yachi’s face was already red from the flood of compliments, so Tsukishima got Yamaguchi off of him to stop the imminent disaster.

 

„She’s not my mom, Kuroo, you don’t have to flirt with her!“ he scolded Kuroo.

 

„So this is Kuroo?“ Yamaguchi asked with starry eyes „Tsukki, why didn’t you tell me he’s even hotter in person?!“

 

Tsukishima wanted to die. He should have never let these two meet – another batch of embarrassing childhood stories was about to be served to Kuroo on a silver platter and then they’ll team up to make his day living hell.

 

„Ah, sorry about that, I’m really sick right now so I probably look like a corpse“ Kuroo pretended to be humble, and of course it worked on Yamaguchi.

 

„No, not at all, it’s always nice to see someone who doesn’t have a permanent scowl on his face like Tsukki.“

 

„You haven’t even taken your shoes off and you’re already on the verge of being kicked out. You too Kuroo, only Yachi will be allowed in the living room“ Tsukishima interrupted their giggling.

 

„I pay half of the rent so you can’t legally kick me out, I think we’ve been over this“ Kuroo crossed his arms and pouted. Tsukishima finally dragged him away from the hallway to let Yamaguchi and Yachi take off their shoes and jackets.

 

„Today I was only able to cook some chicken and home-made french fries, but Tsukki picked out a mean chocolate cake for later! Though my fries might be a little soft and floppy, I hope it’s not too bad“ Kuroo recited the menu once they were all sitting at the kitchen table.

 

„If you don’t marry him I will“ Yamaguchi whispered to Tsukishima, but loud enough to be heard by Yachi who just laughed. Not loud enough to reach Kuroo’s compliment-fishing ears, he hoped.

 

„Kuroo-san, these fries are amazing!“ Yamaguchi praised him with his mouth still full.

 

„Thanks, they were pretty rushed“ Kuroo rubbed his neck again with that fake shyness.

 

Tsukishima didn’t like the face Kuroo put on in front of other people. He didn’t like when he tried too hard to look like the type of guy you’d let your only daughter marry. The Kuroo he liked the most was the real one, the one who drank beer with him in their living room at 2 am while telling dumb Bokuto stories and laughing, swearing, teasing. He wished Kuroo would show more of his true self to the world, but at the same time, he selfishly wanted to keep that Kuroo all to himself.

 

However, Kuroo seemed to have loosened up quickly around Yamaguchi and Yachi, much to Tsukishima’s relief. He was soon his normal, friendly and over-confident self. He found out Yamaguchi was majoring in film-making and Yachi in graphic design, and that they had a whole array of houseplants and a calico kitten named Sparkles.

 

„Oh my god, Tsukki, we should totally adopt a kitten!“ Kuroo begged. Tsukishima hoped he wasn’t being serious, but knowing Kuroo, he could wake up tomorrow with a stray cat on his couch and Kuroo cuddling with it.

 

„Hey, do you guys want to go to a club with us tomorrow night? Our train back leaves in the afternoon, so we thought we’d do something fun before we go!“ Yamaguchi beamed up.

 

A club? That didn’t sound like anything Yamaguchi and Yachi would normally enjoy, but Yamaguchi did sometimes have those bright ideas to do something way out of his comfort zone to impress Yachi. He’s seen one too many times how low his alcohol tolerance was, and judging by Yachi’s weight, it was safe to assume she can’t drink much either.

 

„Tsukki will definitely go!“ Kuroo accepted in his place „But I don’t think I’ll get better by tomorrow night, sadly.“

 

„You know I don’t do clubs and neither do you, by the way“ Tsukishima spoke when Kuroo finished his interruption.

 

„But it will be fun! It’s _Tokyo_! We can’t leave Tokyo without experiencing the nightlife at least once“ Yamaguchi sounded like a middle-aged tourist, but the excitement that was radiating from his face was hard to reject, even for Tsukishima.

 

„Fine, but as soon as I see one of you lightweights vomiting, I’m leaving“ Tsukishima finally caved in. Even Kuroo looked happy because of that for some reason.

 

„Kuroo-san, can you recommend us any good clubs? Nothing too fancy, though...“ Yamaguchi turned to him.

 

„Hm, I personally like ’Blue Castle’. It’s right in the city center so it’s got a strong Tokyo vibe, but the drinks aren’t expensive and the crowd is mostly made of college students“ Kuroo explained and Yamaguchi seemed to be content with that.

 

Tsukishima had never been to an actual nightclub, only a couple of bars. It’s been only a little over two weeks since his last fiasco with alcohol, but he knew he’d need it if he wanted to survive a crowded room full of sweaty strangers and inhumanely loud pop music. It was just another of those things he forced himself to do out of respect for his friends, but he knew he’d be going home before midnight.

 

The rest of the afternoon was pleasant, minus the expected misfortune of his two friends working together to annoy him. At least Yachi was still on his side. Yamaguchi was fascinated by Kuroo’s major so he got to hear Kuroo geeking out about the things he was passionate about, which was also nice. His high school friends said goodbye just before sunset and after that Kuroo wouldn’t stop talking about how ’Gucci’ Yamaguchi really was.

* * *

  
„You can’t go to your friend’s birthday party wearing that, uh-uh, not on my watch“ Kuroo looked appalled as soon as he saw the outfit Tsukishima was planning on wearing. It was a simple white t-shirt and blue jeans, since Tsukishima just wanted something comfortable that wouldn’t attract too much attention, but apparently Kuroo won’t let that slide.

 

Kuroo invited himself to Tsukishima’s room, rummaged through his closet and after twenty minutes finally stumbled upon an item he found satisfactory. It was, of course, a pair of red skinny jeans (seriously, when did Kei even get that?) „This is good, but you have nothing to go with it“ Kuroo announced while holding up the tiny jeans „Let me get something from my closet.“

 

From his closet?! No, Tsukishima did not want to wear a t-shirt that belonged to Kuroo. But only a few minutes later, Kuroo came out of his room with a black t-shirt that was ripped in a few places. There was no way Tsukishima was wearing those two things, not separately, and definitely not together.

 

„It will probably be a little baggy on you, but that’s the look we’re going for“ Kuroo explained his idea and laid the two pieces side by side on Tsukishima’s bed.

 

„No, we are not going for anything. I’m sticking with my normal clothes.“

 

„At least try it on?“ Kuroo pulled out his most lethal weapon, the puppy eyes „For me?“

 

And of course, Tsukishima obliged.

 

„Okay, now you have to wear that!“ Kuroo insisted when Tsukishima changed, turning him to a mirror „Look at how good you look!“

 

„Fine, will you leave me alone now?“ Tsukishima groaned „I don’t have time to change again anyway, I should be there in fifteen minutes.“

 

He stormed to the hallway and Kuroo followed him like a mother that was seeing her freshly legal son off to his first party. „Want me to come pick you up when you’re done?“

 

„Uh, sure“ Tsukishima accepted while lacing his shoes. Now it definitely felt like Kuroo was his guardian. „I’ll call you, in less than two hours probably.“

 

„Geez, don’t have such high expectations!“ Kuroo laughed „And remember, never leave your drink unattended!“

 

With one last eye-roll and a traitorous smile tugging at his lips, Tsukishima went out.

* * *

’Blue castle’ wasn’t hard to find, even though it was just one of the many nightclubs on the same street. It had the biggest blue neon sign in the shape of a castle. The line to get in was fairly long, which wasn’t surprising considering it was a Saturday night, but Yamaguchi said he made reservations and he easily found his two friends at the end of the line.

 

„Wow, looking good Tsukki!“ Yamaguchi patted his back as soon as he approached them „Did Kuroo make you wear that? It looks like something he would wear.“

 

Yamaguchi only half-joked, but the blush on Tsukishima’s cheeks said it all. He noticed Kuroo’s shirt smelled like him, which was very unhelpful. He was going to need a drink as soon as he gets in.

 

„So are you going to get any numbers tonight or does your heart belong to Kuroo?“ Yamaguchi continued teasing. Seriously, Tsukishima knew Yamaguchi loved Kuroo, especially for his cooking and flattery, but the amount of hope he had for the two of them getting together was starting to get on his nerves. So he didn’t even give a response.

 

„I bet you couldn’t do it“ Yamaguchi kept pushing „Even if a very attractive guy approached you tonight, you wouldn’t stop thinking about Kuroo.“

 

„Even if a very attractive guy approached me, I wouldn’t waste my time on someone who probably just wants to get laid“ Tsukishima corrected him.

 

He didn’t say it, but he took it as a challenge.

 

Tsukishima was never the type for hookups, not even casual relationships, not even as a rebound or whatever. He wasn’t the type to get crushes on every moderately good-looking guy he met or fall in love easily either, so a combination of all those things made his love life painfully boring. But tonight was, maybe, a chance to prove something to both Yamaguchi and himself.

 

It wasn’t like any guy was going to approach him in the first place – this wasn’t a gay club, and even if it was, Tsukishima was the least approachable guy to ever come to a night club. The guy who’d approach him in such a setting would have to be pathologically over-confident, which was very far from his type. Confidence is good, but people who think they can take anyone home by buying one drink were just pathetic.

 

He was snapped from his thoughts by Yamaguchi saying their names to the guard and then dragging him inside by the elbow. As soon as he entered the club, he knew he wanted to go home or at least get drunk, just to make it less awful.

 

The place was already near full even though it was only 11 pm, and the flashing indigo lights made his eyes hurt. All three of them headed straight to the big round bar in the center of the room to get a ’birthday toast’. Yamaguchi and Yachi ordered a shot of vodka each and Tsukishima went straight to whiskey. He knew his tolerance wasn’t spectacular either, but he might as well get it over with quickly.

 

The DJ was blasting some EDM remix that made Tsukishima’s head hurt, but all the other guests seemed to be enjoying it. Guys and girls roughly their age, if not a few years older, were dancing in pairs everywhere he looked, which just looked gross and sad to him. Very few of them actually knew how to dance, so they were just throwing their hands in the air and hopping from one foot to the other. That’s why Tsukishima didn’t dance.

 

„Another one, please“ Tsukishima said to the bartender as soon as he downed his first glass.

 

„Woah, Tsukki, slow down“ Yamaguchi warned him, but he giggled. He interpreted Tsukishima’s people-watching as scanning for handsome guys, but that was the last thing Tsukishima needed tonight. As he said to Yamaguchi, he found it incredibly humiliating when anyone, guy or girl, tried to talk to him about school and shit when their true motives were obvious. No matter the challenge he gave himself, he wasn’t sure if he had the energy for that.

 

His second glass was now also empty and he was still just sitting by the bar while Yamaguchi and his girlfriend giggled into each other’s ears. He thought he’d heard them order another round, but he couldn’t be sure with the skull-crushing music getting louder by the second.

 

„Okay, we’re properly buzzed, let’s go dance!“ Yamaguchi announced and clapped his hands.

 

„Speak for yourself, I’m not as weak as you guys“ Tsukishima said, but he could feel a very, very light white noise creeping into his head.

 

Regardless of his words, his friends both took one of his hands and dragged him towards the dancing crowd. Tsukishima stood there, not even trying to move, no matter how much the couple pulled his arms. From the outside, it probably just looked amusing, but Tsukishima was really not drunk enough to see the fun in this.

 

The repetitive beat was already deafening and Tsukishima’s limbs were heavy from the whiskey, but at least Yachi and Yamaguchi looked hilarious while trying to dance. Tsukishima took out his phone and turned the flash on to record that since he needed more blackmail material on his best friend. Finally he mustered a genuine laugh, which satisfied Yamaguchi.

 

„Hey, blondie“ Tsukishima heard an unfamiliar, unmistakably male voice behind him. Dangerously close behind him.

 

He turned around and stepped closer to Yachi, seeing as Yamaguchi could never be rude enough to deal with this sort of situation. „She’s taken“ he said protectively.

 

The guy standing in front of him was, objectively, pretty attractive, even though he was significantly shorter than Tsukishima. The first thing he noticed was his dyed blond hair with an undercut and the black studs in his ears. His style was similar to Kuroo’s: an unbuttoned red flannel on top of a white v-neck and a pair of ripped black jeans. The provocative half-smile was also reminiscent of Kuroo’s, but not quite as able to send shivers down Tsukishima’s spine. In any case, definitely not the kind of guy he’d let near any of his friends.

 

„Oh, I wasn’t talking to her“ the mystery guy smirked and Tsukishima’s eyes widened in shock. Yamaguchi instantly looked not only relieved but also just as mischevious as this obnoxious stranger. The second of surprise passed and Tsukishima turned his head away to let both of them know this was just boring and troublesome to him.

 

„Uh, Tsukki, we’re gonna just... we’re gonna get drinks“ Yamaguchi slurred an excuse and took Yachi’s hand. Tsukishima shouted at them to get him one too, but it was probably too late.

 

„Good thing I already brought it for you“ the blond guy smiled politely and offered Tsukishima a glass „Whiskey, right? Couldn’t have guessed it myself, but I saw you drinking it earlier.“

 

Tsukishima accepted the drink, only because he really needed it, and muttered a weak ’thanks’ that was probably swallowed by the loud music.

 

„So, _Tsukki_ , huh? It’s cute“ the guy practically purred, and that nickname sounded awfully wrong on his tongue. It sounded scheming and plastic, nothing like how... No.

 

„My name’s Tsukishima“ he corrected him, only realizing it sounded like he was welcoming his advances when it was too late.

 

„I’m Terushima“ he finally introduced himself „But you can call me Yuuji.“

 

„And you can call me unimpressed.“

 

„Oh, wow“ Terushima looked like a crack was put on his ego, but only for a second „How about now?“

 

As he said that he stuck his tongue out to show a silver piercing in it. Tsukishima laughed against his will, because did this guy really pick up people in clubs by showing off his tongue? That was next level pathetic in his book.

 

„How is that supposed to impress me?“ he asked, now fully accepting the truth that he was flirting back. It was sort of fun, okay? The guy was obviously cocky, so the type of person Tsukishima had the most fun teasing. At least he didn’t have to pretend to dance or stand silently by the bar, and the guy did buy him a drink.

 

„I’ve been told it’s pretty impressive“ Terushima continued bragging „But I guess you’ll have to find that out for yourself.“

 

Tsukishima looked at the bar where Yamaguchi and Yachi were sitting and drinking peacefully, with no intent to come back with his drink. He could feel Yamaguchi’s amused eyes burn holes in him since the start of this pointless conversation, which only made it more awkward. Now he also saw Yamaguchi’s wide smile, and even Yachi looked interested in the exchange.

 

„Aw, don’t be shy Tsukki, if you want another drink, all you have to do is ask nicely“ Terushima threw an arm around his shoulder as soon as he noticed he was checking out the bar.

 

„I don’t like strangers paying for my drinks“ Tsukishima said stiffly. He couldn’t see why Terushima wasted his time on him, who obviously looked and talked like he had a stick up his ass. Maybe that was his type, maybe he was one of those egomaniacs who got off on seducing the least available people.

 

„In that case, you’re just gonna have to repay me some other way“ Terushima flirted again.

 

Tsukishima knew exactly where this was going, yet with the alcohol clouding his judgment, he couldn’t say he wasn’t enjoying it. No matter how sleazy it was, Tsukishima was human after all, and he liked having some fun now and then. He especially needed it now that he was hopelessly in love with someone who was way out of his league.

 

„So whatcha say, let me buy you another drink?“ he repeated.

 

„Fine“ Tsukishima finally gave in „But only if you let me... evaluate your piercing.“

 

That was probably the most daring thing Tsukishima had ever said, even as drunk as he was now, and Terushima laughed. He just laughed.

 

„ _Evaluate_. You’re funny“ he smiled „Again, if you wanted to kiss me, all you had to do is ask nicely.“

 

Before he could fully register it, Tsukishima felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist and just like that, he was kissing Terushima. A stranger he had just met at a nightclub. That was inarguably the least Tsukishima thing he’d ever done.

 

This kiss was by all standards good, but he couldn’t compare it to the kisses he shared with Kageyama, the only other person he’d ever kissed. The lack of emotions was visible, but the kiss wasn’t overly eager from the start, which Tsukishima had to appreciate. It was forceful and he could see Terushima was far more experienced than him. He half-opened his eyes for a moment because he knew he’d find Yamaguchi with his jaw on the floor, and he was right. Then he smiled against Terushima’s lips, which the shorter boy seemed to like.

 

The tongue piercing really did feel good, Tsukishima had to admit. What felt even better was when Terushima gently bit his lower lip. This guy knew what he was doing, pulling Tsukishima closer to him, letting his hands casually travel to the back pockets of his red jeans. Tsukishima let out a small gasp at that action, which was easy for Terushima to take the wrong way.

 

„Since I see you don’t actually plan on buying me that second drink now that you got what you wanted, I’m gonna go get one myself“ Tsukishima announced when he pulled away from Terushima. The other boy just stood there with a dazed smile, but followed Tsukishima with his eyes.

 

„Tsukki, what the HELL?!“ a very drunk Yamaguchi screamed into his face once he reached the bar „You – How – What?!“

 

Tsukishima tried to look completely unphased by it as he spun the ice cubes in his – what, fourth? – glass of whiskey. He adjusted his glasses and avoided looking at Yamaguchi, because he didn’t know what to make of it either. He kissed someone for the first time since his first year of high school, and it’s some drunk douchebag with a tongue piercing. That’s college life in a big city for you.

 

He could see Terushima was still staring at him with that dumb smirk on his face, just waiting for him to come back, but he wasn’t sure if he should do that. It was a good make-out session, but he felt like shit now that all the alcohol has hit him at once, and maybe it really was time to go home. He looked at the clock on his phone, which showed it was only half past one. Still a lot longer than he thought he’d stay.

 

„When are you guys planning on leaving?“ Tsukishima asked Yamaguchi after giving it some thought.

 

„By the look of Hitoka’s face, I think we should be calling a taxi right about now“ Yamaguchi smiled apologetically.

 

Tsukishima couldn’t see Yachi’s face because it was buried in Yamaguchi’s chest and she was obviously napping, which spoke for itself.

 

„But don’t let that stop you from having fun with Mr. Undercut!“ Yamaguchi hurried to add „Kuroo’s coming to pick you up anyway, right?“ Tsukishima nodded.

 

He should’ve gone home with Yamaguchi and Yachi right then. He shouldn’t have waited for Terushima to see he was alone at the bar, and he definitely shouldn’t have ordered another drink.

 

„What, not coming back to the dancefloor?“ Terushima sounded disappointed when he slid next to Tsukishima. Close, close. Their fingers were a millimeter away from touching, which for some reason made Tsukishima’s heart beat louder than it did when they were making out. Because that’s how it was with Kuroo at that bar.

 

„You look bored“ Terushima pouted and discreetly placed his hand on Tsukishima’s thigh. That tied Tsukishima’s insides into a tight knot - it reminded him of that night with Kuroo again. He should really, really stop thinking about Kuroo, and Terushima was supposed to help him with that. As much as he hated to admit it, Yamaguchi was right when he said he wouldn’t be able to get Kuroo off his mind no matter what.

 

„I don’t understand how people aren’t bored here. The music is not only too loud but also shit, it’s claustrophobic and reeks of smoke“ Tsukishima complained. Terushima didn’t respond right away, but instead moved his hand higher up Kei’s thigh, causing him to twitch.

 

„How about a change of scenery?“ he suggested with that same dangerous glimmer in his eyes „My place is not far from here.“ Oh. So that was happening.

 

Tsukishima didn’t take nearly enough time to think about it, but it evoked all sorts of unrelated emotions in him. The dominant one was anger, anger at himself for allowing himself to fall in love with Kuroo, and maybe, unfairly, at Kuroo for not reciprocating his feelings. The second reason behind his dumb decision was adrenaline mixed with alcohol, and the wish to prove himself to god knows who. It was the most irrational, uncharacteristic thing Tsukishima had ever done.

 

 **(01:59) To: Kuroo**  
dnt wait for me going w yamaguchi

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I did that. Not even I expected the burn to be THIS slow. And it's only gonna get angstier in the next chapter, but we're getting there! Anyways, please don't hate Terushima, hate me & end my suffering!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put in more of everyone's favorite owl to make up for what I did. Hope that's enough!

Five missed calls from Kuroo. Seven texts, from Kuroo and Yamaguchi combined. Kuroo’s shirt on the floor of an unknown bedroom, a killer headache and an arm thrown carelessly over his chest. A recipe for self-hatred.

 

After filtering through all the frantic calls and messages, Tsukishima finally found the little digital clock in the corner of his phone’s screen. It was 8 am, and Terushima still looked fast asleep, which was a great opportunity to escape this awkward situation. He hurried to find his pants on Terushima’s carpet, got dressed as quietly as possible and sneaked through the door like the piece of trash he felt like. But it was for the best.

 

He didn’t take the time to observe Terushima’s room or even look at himself in the mirror, the only thing on his mind was getting the hell out of there. This time, the alcohol he drank the night before didn’t grant him the relief of a memory loss, so he could still vividly remember what happened once they reached Terushima’s apartment. He remembered lots of bruisingly aggressive kisses, Terushima lifting his shirt up in one swift movement, and him silently following all orders. It wasn’t like it was his first time, since he was in a relationship when he was a hormonal teenager, but it was his first time doing with a complete stranger, and a very dominant stranger at that. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t like that change of pace.

 

All in all, a learning experience. One he’d repeat, if given the chance, but he didn’t even think about embarrassing himself by leaving his number on a post-it note or anything desperate like that. Terushima gave off this unmissable vibe of a guy who often had casual hook-ups, but never with the same person twice. And that was fine with Tsukishima.

 

When he finally stumbled out of the fourteen-floor building, he noticed he was in a completely unfamiliar part of the town. Even after five months of living in Tokyo, the monster city still wasn’t as easy for him to navigate as it was for locals.

 

He wondered if he should call Kuroo to pick him up, but decided that would be unfair after an entire night of ignoring his texts and calls. Instead, he counted the money left in his back pocket and called a taxi. He’ll figure everything else while he waits for his ride.

 

He wasn’t in the mood to get yelled at over the phone, not with a hangover already echoing through his head, so it would be smarter to explain it properly once he gets home. The compromise was to text him just to confirm he’s alive and on his way home.

 

**(08:27) To: Kuroo**

_I’ll be home in thirty._

 

After erasing three variations of a lengthy paragraph urging Kuroo not to freak out or ask any questions before he came home, he settled for the simplest announcement possible. He didn’t turn his volume back on because he knew Kuroo wasn’t going to take it lying down and he really, really didn’t have the energy to deal with that.

 

Challenge number two was Yamaguchi, but he at least deserved a proper phone call. As expected, he picked up not even two full rings later.

 

„Tsukishima Kei“ he skipped the ’hello’ and went straight to the threats „You have so much explaining to do.“

 

„Good morning, Yamaguchi“ he said in his fake polite tone „Are you and Yachi okay?“

 

„Oh spare me Tsukki, we’re fine“ Yamaguchi clicked his tongue „Are you missing a kidney? Your dignity, maybe?“

 

„All my organs are here, dignity, not so much. But whatever, it was just a drunken one-night stand. Let’s not mention that ever again“ Tsukishima tried to sound casual, but he knew Yamaguchi would never let him live down something like that. After all, it was the most interesting thing that has happened in his life, well, ever. It wasn’t Yamaguchi’s reaction that worried him in the first place.

 

„Was it good? Did you wish he was Kuroo-san?“ Yamaguchi provoked him. Why would he even – No, that was Yamaguchi for you. Even though Tsukishima never directly told him he liked Kuroo, he’s always been perceptive when it came to his friends. It was hard not to notice the meaningful glances Yamaguchi shot at Tsukishima that day during lunch, whenever he caught his friend listening to Kuroo with a little too much fondness in his eyes. Yamaguchi knew all along.

 

„Have a safe trip back!“ Tsukishima exclaimed and hung up before Yamaguchi could ask any more of his invasive questions. That was one down, Kuroo to go. The last person he wanted to talk about this to, though to be fair, he didn’t want to talk about it to anyone ever. What embarrassed him wasn’t the fact that he let some pierced college guy have his way with him, but the fact that he didn’t regret it nearly as much as he should. He was _not_ that type of person.

 

Luckily for him, the taxi he called earlier finally came and stopped him from over-analyzing that stupid slip-up. He weakly told the driver the address of his and Kuroo’s apartment and slouched into the comfy leather seat. Collecting the courage to finally open Kuroo’s texts proved to be a bad idea.

 

**(02:00) From: Kuroo**

_you’re drunk, i’m checkin that w/ gucci_

**(02:05) From: Kuroo**

_WTF TSUKKI HE SAYS YOU’RE NOT WITH HIM_

**(02:07) From: Kuroo**

_WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING YOUR PHONE_

**(02:10) From: Kuroo**

_if you don’t pick up now i’m calling your mom._

**(02:17) From: Kuroo**

_i hope you sleep well in that alley knowing you’re the reason i’ll lose my beautiful hair at 30._

 

Kuroo was dramatic as always, but his concern made Tsukishima smile a little.

 

The driver reached his apartment complex soon, too soon for his liking, but he took a deep breath and unlocked the building. His headache was slightly softened by his short half-nap in the taxi, but he was still looking forward to grabbing an Aspirin and a bite to eat. Oh, and most importantly, a nice hot shower.

 

Remains of last night’s sweat still clung to his skin as a reminder of everything he so badly wanted to discard as nothing. In that awful condition, with disheveled hair and barely four hours of sleep on him, he reluctantly knocked on Kuroo’s door.

 

As soon as Kuroo cracked the door open, it was obvious he hadn’t gotten much sleep either, so he was too tired to yell at Tsukishima or bomb him with questions right away.

 

„Oh“ was all he said after he scanned Tsukishima „Oh.“

 

It was impossible to find any lead to an emotion in that one repeated syllable, which was even worse to Tsukishima than being scolded. He entered the flat and took his shoes off silently, which is when the shame really started to kick in.

 

„So _that’s_ what you were so busy doing last night“ Kuroo noticed with his eyes fixated on a spot on Tsukishima’s neck. _No, no, he didn’t_. He rubbed his neck and the blunt pain that that evoked told him clearly that yes, he did, in fact, have a visible hickey there. But more importantly, Kuroo’s voice was still pointing to nothing but fatigue.

 

„Did I wake you up?“ Tsukishima finally asked.

 

„Kinda“ Kuroo yawned out „No worries, I’m gonna make us coffee and then we’ll discuss your mystery man.“

 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but he was glad Kuroo’s numb reaction was really only to be attributed to his sleepiness. He didn’t dare to try and dodge the conversation, so he resigned and hugged his knees on the couch while waiting for Kuroo to finish up their coffee. Another thing he couldn’t do was ask for breakfast, not before he apologized for worrying Kuroo.

 

Kuroo came out of the kitchen with their respective favorite mugs and a little more curiosity in his cat-like eyes, but unlike Yamaguchi, he didn’t ask any questions. He decided it would be more amusing to let Tsukishima tell this story from start to finish, and then follow up with some teasing. This time he actually deserved it.

 

„Sorry I didn’t return your calls, my ringtone was off“ he began „I promise I won’t do anything like this again.“

 

„Tsukki, I’m not your mom“ Kuroo reminded him „You’re a healthy young boy, it’s okay if you wanna... blow off some steam every now and then. We’ve all been there. I’m actually really glad you’re acting like a normal college kid for once.“

 

He said that with a smile, but his tone didn’t quite match his words. Kuroo was a better liar than Yamaguchi, he could give him that, but that wasn’t hard to achieve. Tsukishima knew him better than to buy that choppy string of generic sentences, but he didn’t want to get into it. These days it was his false hope that Kuroo liked him back that put strange ideas into his head.

 

Kuroo was not _hurt_ by him sleeping with someone else.

 

Still, Tsukishima expected a little more teasing, maybe even happiness, like how Yamaguchi would react if he didn’t know how in love Tsukishima was with Kuroo. It was still too early in the morning.

 

„So, who was it?“ Kuroo’s voice snapped him from his assumptions.

 

„Uh, I don’t know. Some guy. I mean, I know his name, but that’s it“ Tsukishima answered truthfully.

 

„God, I’m not asking about his favorite color and major in college! I mean, tall, short, hotness from one to ten, the good stuff. I see he’s quite the sadist“ Kuroo wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, eyeing the marks on his neck again.

 

Ah, there it was. The tone he expected and thought he wanted to hear, but once he did, he was disappointed. He needed to figure out what the hell it was he really wanted. He knew he wanted to fall out of love with Kuroo, erase everything that had happened with Terushima, focus on school and never get even an innocent little crush ever again. But most of those things were impossible now.

 

„Shorter than me“ he responded after taking some time to measure those words „He has a tongue piercing.“

 

„Wow, kinky“ Kuroo winked at him and the last traces of heaviness in his voice were now gone. That’s a good thing, Tsukishima insisted. „That’s my Tsukki.“

 

The same anger he felt for Kuroo last night, the very feeling that lead him to do what he did, seeped right back into his bones. He didn’t get to call him „ _his_ Tsukki“ when he was treating him like one of his „bros“. Did he act that way with Bokuto too? Was this really the extent of Kuroo’s flirty nature? Whatever it was, it was cruel from where Tsukishima was standing.

 

„We didn’t exchange numbers or anything, so it’s not important, really. Let’s not talk about it, okay?“ he didn’t manage to hide his irritation even though Kuroo wasn’t nearly as pushy as he could’ve been. He almost wished he had exchanged numbers with Terushima, just to get on Kuroo’s nerves, just to see how far he’d have to go before he finally showed some jealousy. But he knew that would never happen, because the bottom line was, Kuroo didn’t feel the same way about him.

 

„Fine, fine, all that matters is that you’re alive and you had fun“ Kuroo raised his arms up as a sign of retreat „But don’t lie to me again. I really was worried.“

 

Tsukishima muttered another weak ’sorry’ and took a sip of his coffee. He felt like he was being guilt-tripped by his mom, their gentle demeanor almost the same. That was the one thing refilling his heart with warmth after this uncomfortable conversation.

 

„Are you feeling any better? Will you be able to go to classes tomorrow?“ Tsukishima finally found a subject to change to.

 

„Oh, yeah, definitely, a lot better!“ Kuroo cheered up, and it didn’t seem like he was lying. His nose was still a little red and his voice didn’t sound exactly the same either, but he looked a lot more alive than yesterday and the golden color was returning to his cheeks.

 

Tsukishima’s phone pinged. It was probably Yamaguchi, texting to tell him they’ve boarded the train.

 

**(09:19) From: That Hot Piercing Guy**

_thought you’d get rid of me so easily, tsukki? ;)_

 

Oh hell no. Did that smug insect seriously put his number into Tsukishima’s phone while he was sleeping? And was he really not satisfied with just a one night stand? Tsukishima quickly changed the contact name to simply ’Terushima’, but didn’t delete it yet.

 

„Why do you look so disgusted?“ Kuroo smiled curiously with his head slightly tilted to the side.

 

„That guy... He fucking took my number while I was sleeping“ Tsukishima slapped a hand over his forehead and left it there like he just got a headache, which was very close to the truth.

 

„Ohohoho“ Kuroo’s head tilted at an even sharper angle, making him resemble a very dumb owl „So you were that good.“

 

Tsukishima weakly threw his phone at the coffee table and made a point not to respond to Terushima. What happened might not’ve been a catastrophic mistake, but it was a mistake nevertheless. A huge one. The only reason he told Kuroo about it was that Kuroo was frighteningly good at reading him, and of course, the damn hickey on his neck didn’t help either. He shouldn’t feel like he cheated on Kuroo, because they were never together in the first place, but that’s exactly how he felt.

 

He almost wanted to laugh at how cruel ’faith’ could be to him. He’d prefer to say it was a string of unfortunate coincidences, but either way, it came down to the same thing – if Kuroo had been at the club with them like he was supposed to, things would’ve turned out very differently. It was his turn to want to kill the Bokuto he’s never even met, and however it was that let their newborn dog off the leash. That was just Tsukishima’s luck.

 

First he was dropped into the same apartment as an unfairly attractive, emotionally unavailable gay guy. With nine million people living in Tokyo, what were the chances of that happening to him? Then he keeps getting into these dangerous situations with the said guy, such as being forced to hold hands in a bar, that won’t stop nudging him to throw caution to the wind and confess his feelings. All the pieces have fallen into place – his mom and best friend adored Kuroo, their five months of friendship felt like five years, he could even keep up with Tsukishima’s moodiness and sarcasm with a smile on his face. Everything was there, except for Kuroo’s feelings. A small detail, really.

 

„You’re not going to reply?“

 

Right. Terushima’s text. Why did that matter now, anyway? All he could get from Terushima was a couple more booty calls, which Tsukishima could live without. Terushima was a waste of time, a new video game that he was bound to get bored of at some point (or that was bound to get bored of him) – he wasn’t enough to make him forget about Kuroo. No one was enough.

 

„I’m going to take a shower“ he announced instead of responding and put his coffee cup down a little too aggressively.

 

„I see, he went right to a dirty text“ Kuroo snickered like a high schooler and although Tsukishima didn’t want to look at him, he just knew he was wiggling his eyebrows in that creepy way again.

 

He got up with a click of his tongue as an only reaction to Kuroo’s unnecessary comment, but just as he placed a hand on the bathroom’s doorknob, he added: „If you like him so much, why don’t you give him your number instead so he’ll stop bugging me?“

 

„You said he was shorter than you“ Kuroo answered simply „Tall guys are more my type.“

 

„Tch.“ There he was, being unintentionally unfair again. Nothing a long, scorching hot shower can’t wash out, Tsukishima hoped.

 

Sure enough, he felt some sort of relief as soon as the first drop of water hit his skin. He cleaned his body more thoroughly than ever, even washing his hair to get out the smell of smoke. When he looked down he realized the hickeys weren’t limited to just his neck – there were also a few very prominent ones on the insides of both his thighs. The ones surrounding his hipbones were smaller, more fingertip-shaped, but visible nonetheless. He decided not to dwell on it – all bruises fade away.

 

To stop himself from overthinking his current life for the umpteenth time, he thought about all the bruises he got in high school while playing volleyball. He wished he still had something like that in his life to keep him grounded. Back when everything went to shit in his personal life, from Tobio’s transfer to his parents’ divorce and Akiteru leaving home, volleyball was always there to put a pause on his violent thoughts. He didn’t want to join the university’s team because his studies didn’t leave him with as much time as they did in high school, but looking back, that might’ve been the wise thing to do. Not that he could’ve expected all of this (whatever _this_ was) to happen.

 

But he was getting ahead of himself. He had one one-night stand and Kuroo wasn’t mad at him whatsoever, so this whole feeling of uneasiness was just another cheap trick of his mind. As soon as he switched back to his rational way of thinking, it was easy to see there was no real reason for all that anxiety. He turned off the water in their shower and stepped out carefully.

 

His reflection in the mirror was distorted by the three red marks on his neck. The biggest one (and damn, it was bigger than he thought) already had shades of purple in the center, and a smaller bruise right under it. He poked at it again instinctively, but even though the touch was fairly gentle, it sent waves of quiet pain through his neck. How was he supposed to cover that up for classes tomorrow when it still wasn’t cold enough for a scarf?

 

He wiped his fogged up glasses with the towel that was wrapped around his waist and let his eyes travel below the bruised neck. He ignored the identical bruises on his collarbones, because it wasn’t really a surprise anymore, and focused on his torso. He was still skinny, but Kuroo’s cooking made him look a little healthier. Whatever toxic thoughts that image evoked, he swallowed them and hurried to put on his clothes. Ones that didn’t spend the night on a stranger’s carpet.

 

„I think your Prince Charming sent you two more texts, you might want to check that out“ Kuroo shouted from the living room as soon as he heard the bathroom door creak.

 

„He’s not – “ Tsukishima couldn’t even finish that protest as he ran to get his phone. Kuroo was right, his lockscreen maliciously confirmed he had „two new messages from Terushima“.

 

**(09:25) From: Terushima**

_u could’ve at least stayed for breakfast, i make mean waffles. ur loss._

**(09:31) From: Terushima**

_i thought u liked me :’(_

 

„You’re laaaaaughing“ Kuroo informed him while observing his reaction to the texts.

 

„Laughing at how pathetic this guy is“ Tsukishima quickly wiped the traitorous smile off his face „I’m still not going to return his texts.“

 

„Why not?“ Kuroo asked plainly „You should give him a chance, if he’s so funny.“

 

 _He’s not you._ Terushima was okay, he was fun to tease, which might be Tsukishima’s most important criteria, but not nearly as fun as Kuroo. Kuroo did that dumb act of being wounded but he bit back, whereas Terushima just laughed or, even worse, gave him that hungry glare and a satisfied smirk. Kuroo could cook more than waffles, his hands were safer and his eyes more intense. Terushima was never a match.

* * *

 

„I’m going to die, Bokuto“ Kuroo sighed as he leaned back against the park bench.

 

„Is it that roommate of yours again?“ Bokuto’s grin widened „Dude, why don’t you just confess to him already?!“

 

Kuroo meekly spun his plastic cup half-full of cheap black coffee and looked at it like it had all the answers. He was being unusually silent during their lunch break, which Bokuto didn’t like, so he annoyed him into sitting down in their favorite park and spilling his guts.

 

„I don’t like seeing my bro like this, that Tsukki made you so much happier after the whole Oikawa thing and now he’s the one making you sad! If you don’t talk to him, I will!“ Bokuto said threateningly, even rolling up the sleeves of his shirt for a dramatic effect, which finally made Kuroo laugh. He was thankful to have a friend like Bokuto to cheer him up when he didn’t even fully understand why he was feeling so shitty in the first place, but he’ll need to do more than just cheer up.

 

He couldn’t let Tsukishima see how much this was affecting him, so he opted for pretending to be a curious and supportive friend, but he was getting tired of that. He didn’t want to snap at Tsukishima when he couldn’t even understand what he’d done wrong, and he definitely didn’t want something as minuscule to put a strain on their friendship. It took him a long time to earn his roommate’s trust, and he feared he wouldn’t be able to get it back if he broke it.

 

„Easy for you to say, all you had to do was write your number on a napkin“ Kuroo finally replied to Bokuto who looked increasingly more worried.

 

„It wasn’t _just_ that, I spent my entire allowance on tips and bribing you into going with me for moral support!“ Bokuto corrected him. He always got fired up at the mention of how he and Akaashi got together. It happened more than a year ago, but he was the type to stay in the honeymoon phase forever. Kuroo couldn’t blame him, Akaashi really was stunning, but subjectively, no one was as stunning as Tsukishima.

 

„Urghhhh, I just don’t get it!“ he groaned and buried his hands in his face „Should I get a tongue piercing? Is that a requirement?“

 

„I mean, you’d totally look hot with a tongue piercing, but what if something goes wrong and they have to amputate your tongue? Wouldn’t want that“ Bokuto reasoned while also nodding to himself. He loved to pretend he was some sort of wise old sage and always quoted the fact that he was dating ’the Akaashi Keiji’ as his qualification to do so. Not even a hopeless romantic like Kuroo could handle that anymore.

 

„He said he wasn’t going to return his texts but here we are, two weeks later, he keeps disappearing at night and I KNOW his study group doesn’t end at three in the morning“ Kuroo continued complaining „I _know_ I have no right to be mad, we’re not dating or anything, but if I ever see that Terushima guy, I’m going to rip his entire tongue out.“

 

„Sounds like you’re a liiiiittle jealous“ Bokuto teased with a high-pitched voice.

 

„I’m not – Why would the great Kuroo Tetsurou ever get jealous?! I’m a great cook, an honors roll student, stray cats trust me and adore me, and on top of all that, I’m incredibly hot! What’s there not to like?!“ Kuroo tried to convince himself, but he couldn’t fool Bokuto.

 

„That’s all true, but you forgot the part where you’re a coward who can’t confess to a lanky first-year“ Bokuto added. Damn him and his unfiltered honesty.

 

„It’s just – this is so not like me. I had the courage to approach Oikawa fucking Tooru, but Tsukki is my roommate. I don’t want him to move out. I don’t want to lose him“ he finally admitted. Bokuto gave him a sad smile, making him feel even more pitiful.

 

„As I said, I’ve never met Tsukki, so I can’t know how he would react, but if he’s really your friend, he wouldn’t cut you off because of that“ Bokuto advised „What’s your plan, wait for him to stop seeing that guy and pretend you don’t care?“

 

„Uh, yeah?“

 

„No, you’ll just keep hurting yourself!“ Bokuto shouted like Kuroo gave the wrong answer on a quiz show „The plan is to go home tonight and tell him you love him!“

 

Kuroo didn’t lift his eyes from the ground, but he was thinking. Maybe honesty really was the only option. Shit, he should’ve done that a long time ago, that way it would’ve never come to this. He tried to look for a sliver of hope, any little thing that would suggest this feeling might be mutual. Sure, there was that time when Tsukishima said they should make out, but he was blackout drunk. Tsukishima wasn’t the type to give „hints“, he was terrifyingly practiced at hiding his true feelings, and he never responded to Kuroo’s blatant flirting either.

 

Whenever Kuroo complimented him, he’d just roll his eyes and interpret it as a part of their banter, but Kuroo was desperately seeking a reaction that would tell him whether he should come clean or just forget about his feelings for Tsukishima. That kind of clear signal never came, so he was still stuck with trying to crack the mystery of what lies beneath Tsukishima’s emotionless façade.

 

That mystery might’ve been precisely what attracted him to Tsukishima in the first place, but he soon realized he wasn’t really as cold as he wanted to seem. He acted that way because he thought it was the easiest way to get by in life without getting hurt again. That much was fairly easy to see for someone as observant as Kuroo. However, he suspected there was more to that than just his break-up in high school. He also knew his parents were divorced and his older brother lived aboard, so there might’ve been a time in his life when he felt like he was all alone. That would be reason enough for everyone to build high walls around themselves, and it might’ve been selfish of him to go and try breaking those walls.

 

“You went into full criminology major mode right now” Bokuto announced. Right, as goofy as he looked, he was in the same course, and he knew Kuroo well enough to decipher all his silences. Over the three years of their friendship, he was there for Kuroo every time he had a fight with his now ex-boyfriend, and he could recognize when Kuroo ventured too deep into his thoughts for his own good. It was his mission to snap him out of it.

 

“Maybe I don’t have the right to do this to him. He just needs a friend right now and I’m not being a good friend if I try to force my feelings onto him. What if he thinks I’ll leave him if he rejects me, or that I never cared for him as a friend but only tried to get him to date me?!” Kuroo started panicking when he thought of all the possible outcomes.

 

“Urgh, stop putting other people’s feelings above your own!” Bokuto yelled at him, and by this point he truly did look angry “Are you gonna wait around until you get an invitation to his wedding, just to make sure he doesn’t feel guilty about rejecting you? Don’t you think he already feels guilty now that you’re acting all weird and don’t want to tell him what’s going on?!”

 

“You got smarter since you started dating Akaashi” Kuroo laughed after taking a silent moment to process Bokuto’s words “That’s totally something he would say.” Bokuto just smiled proudly.

 

“Okay, I’ll listen this time” Kuroo gave up and slammed both his hands against his knees “I’ll talk to him tonight.”

 

“That’s my bro!” Bokuto hollered and slapped his back a little too eagerly. Once he got the answer and the support he needed, Kuroo threw the remains of his cold coffee into a trash can and he and Bokuto got up to take a more relaxed walk.

 

He was doing this. If destiny decided she’d had enough of her cheap tricks, that is.

* * *

 

“Not even gonna offer me a drink first, huh?” Terushima pouted.

 

“Oh please, you should be thankful I even invited you here” Tsukishima groaned with his fingers already hooked around the hem of Terushima’s t-shirt.

 

He quickly lead the shorter boy away from the hallway and towards his room, stumbling a little bit in the process. Terushima’s roommate was back in town and his own roommate said he’d be going for coffee with Bokuto after classes, so they still had some time. He didn’t want Terushima anywhere near their apartment at first, but by this point it already became a habit he couldn’t break.

 

He wasn’t sure how or why he let himself cave in to Terushima’s annoying texts, but the important thing was that it never became anything more than what it already was. They didn’t go for cute coffee shop dates or any other type of rom-com shit, they hardly even talked. Their texts began and ended with them agreeing on a time to meet up at Terushima’s apartment, they got the job done and Tsukishima didn’t sleep over anymore. Every single time Terushima tried to convince him to at least stay for dinner, but he didn’t let himself cross that line.

 

“Woah, Tsukki, why are you so aggressive today?!” Terushima snapped when he was pushed back onto the bed. Tsukishima settled his knees between Terushima’s legs and leaned in to kiss him again, but Terushima put a hand between their mouths. “No, no, stop.”

 

Tsukishima was a little irritated by Terushima’s sudden idea to act like they were actually friends, but he got off of him immediately. “What?”

 

“I know what you’re doing. You’re angry at someone and you’re taking it out on me. That’s not going to solve anything” Terushima said with concern in his voice, which only worsened Tsukishima’s anger. He didn’t need pity from the guy who ocassionally fucked him, and it was none of his business anyway. He wasn’t about to spill his heart out to him.

 

“Yeah, and you didn’t seem to mind that the first thirty times it happened, so what made you decide to care about me now?” Tsukishima tried to sound calm, but the irrational anger that had been following him for days showed no signs of disappearing.

 

He couldn’t tell Terushima of all people that Kuroo started acting different around him, that he was more silent than ever, and that he didn’t even trust Tsukishima enough to tell him why he spent all his time locked up in his room. He couldn’t tell him that he didn’t have the courage to help Kuroo, that it was eating him alive to see another friend gradually drifting away from him, that he was paralyzed with fear of losing Kuroo. He couldn’t tell _anyone_ how much he actually relied on Kuroo or the real reason this was getting to him.

 

Tsukishima didn’t need anyone to tell him his newest coping mechanism was just as worthless as all the previous ones, and he especially didn’t want to hear it from a hypocrite such as Terushima. To be fair, Terushima was doing this purely for fun, and not to get over someone he’ll never have, but that didn’t make it any more morally sound.

 

“Can we please go to the living room, grab a beer and talk? Please?” Terushima asked calmly. Tsukishima didn’t want to go along with that parade – this wasn’t Terushima, there was some other ulterior motive now, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let Terushima be his “shoulder to cry on” and tell him how he should and shouldn’t handle his feelings. Something about Terushima without his usual predatory gaze was deeply unsettling.

 

However, he went out of his room and Terushima followed. He tossed him a can of beer and waited for him to start talking, because he didn’t have anything to say on this ridiculous topic. He didn’t need to talk to anyone, didn’t need understanding or emotional support or, worst of all, advice. Sex was now obviously off the table, but he wasn’t enough of a douchebag to just kick Terushima out of his apartment.

 

“You probably don’t remember this because you were pretty shitfaced, but that first night we met, you called out someone else’s name” Terushima began and took a measured sip of his beer. _Oh no._

 

“And it’s fine, really, I was fine with that” Terushima added, but his voice was rid of all the usual smugness “But I can’t keep doing this anymore.”

 

“What, are you in love with me or something?” Tsukishima asked a little too harshly, with a derogatory smile on his lips. It wasn’t supposed to come out that way, but he couldn’t pretend to be moved by the feelings of someone who was hardly anything more than a stranger.

 

“And you say I'm full of myself” Terushima chuckled too “I don’t know, I’ve been doing these casual hook-ups since high school and I just feel like it’s not enough anymore. Back then all my friends thought I was so cool, but now they’re all dating and it just makes me feel like an immature idiot. I want to see what it’s like to be in a real relationship, for once.”

 

“That’s really touching, but you already know I don’t want a relationship” Tsukishima cut him off without a hint of remorse. Hooking up with Terushima was one thing, but acting out a whole relationship and potentially hurting a third party just so he could _maybe_ get over Kuroo? That was too cruel, even for him.

 

It’s not like he never thought about it. He wanted to do say yes, he wanted nothing more than to find someone and go back to seeing Kuroo as nothing more than a friend, but he couldn’t force himself to be with someone he couldn’t even see himself eventually developing feelings for. There must be another way, one that didn’t involve wasting time on other people.

 

“No, you want a relationship, just not with me” Terushima corrected him and he couldn’t argue “I’m not asking you to love me. I’m just asking for a chance to help you get over your _Kuroo-san_.”

 

“Just drop this pathetic act and say what you really want” Tsukishima clicked his tounge “You know I don’t like you, and you also know I’m not going to stop sleeping with you if you don’t ask me this. So what’s this about?”

 

Terushima laughed again, but Tsukishima was getting tired of leading this double life. It’s time to end this, even if that means he’ll never get over Kuroo. It was never very effective in the first place, it was a quick fix, a placebo even, just to make him feel like he was putting effort into burying his feelings. Because in all honesty, he when he met Terushima he was just a step away from accepting his cruel faith and surrendering completely.

 

“I know you think I’m some sort of douchebag who just sleeps around, but I’m simply offering a slight change of terms for this thing we already have going on. I’ll try to make you forget about that guy you can’t date for whatever reason, and in return all you have to do is give me a chance” Terushima explained again, but this time it sounded a lot more like a business agreement.

 

He was cunning, he knew exactly how to present this twisted idea so that it’s easy enough for Tsukishima to swallow. “It’s fine if you can’t agree to this, but that would mean we can’t see each other anymore.”

 

Right when Tsukishima opened his mouth to tell Terushima his last goodbye and push him out of his apartment, both of them fell silent at the sound of a lock clicking. “I’m home” Kuroo announced at the doorway, and just a trace of his usual cheer was present.

 

“ _Shitshitshitshit_ ” Tsukishima repeated under his breath, but Terushima looked puzzled and neither of them moved from their spots.

 

“Tsukki, whose shoes are those in the…“ Kuroo tried to ask when he reached the living room, but then his eyes landed on a stranger whose legs dangled from his sofa, and who was drinking his beer with _his_ roommate. “Who’s this?”

 

“He was just about to –“ Tsukishima wanted to say, before Terushima cut him off.

 

“Terushima Yuuji, nice to meet you” he offered his hand with a disgustingly polite smile “You must be Tsukki’s roommate.”

 

Tsukishima’s eyes froze on the unreal scene unfolding in his living room. Kuroo was silent for what felt like an awfully long time, and his facial expression was impossible to read too. Next to the horror of finally putting a face on the protagonist of all his nightmares, which automatically made it feel like they became a reality, it was the way he said ‘Tsukki’ that irked him. _He’s not yours._

 

“Oh. You’re Terushima” he repeated blankly. Not even a second later, Tsukishima saw Kuroo’s fist jamming into the side of Terushima’s face and drops of blood spilling from his nose. Even though it was just one punch, it was painful to even look at. The blood that flowed from his nostril now covered his lips too and there was already a bruise forming high on his cheekbone. Terushima stumbled to the side and moved back as soon as he realized what had happened.

 

“Kuroo, what’s your – “ Tsukishima got up and tried to confront Kuroo, but he just pushed him back and started walking towards to Terushima, who was pressed against the wall at this point. Kuroo’s furious face was inches away from Terushima’s and loomed over him like he was ready to continue packing punches, but the shorter boy tried hard not to show how terrified he was. He grabbed him by the collar and looked down at him with eyes that almost burned worse than fists.

 

This was the first time Tsukishima had ever seen Kuroo this angry, so he was quite paralyzed himself, but he couldn’t let Kuroo go to jail for beating Terushima to death. He moved solely on instinct and couldn’t even stop to wonder why Kuroo reacted this way to Terushima just introducing himself. Using all his strength to wrap his hand around Kuroo’s wrist, he managed to pull him away from Terushima.

 

Kuroo dropped the fistful of Terushima’s shirt that he was holding and slowly took a step back, but he didn’t stop silently staring at Terushima, like a leopard waiting behind a bush for the most peaceful moment to attack his victim.

“You should go” Tsukishima was the first of the three of them to speak and he lead a terrified Terushima to the hallway. He just swallowed his spit and nodded, eager to get out of this situation before it was too late. He was too afraid to say anything because it might set Kuroo off again, so he just gave Tsukishima an apologetic look and a nod as he silently closed the door behind him.

 

When Tsukishima returned to the living room, Kuroo was still dangerously silent, like he was trying to understand why he did all that just now. Tsukishima wasn’t as afraid anymore, because he knew Kuroo would never hit him, but he was reluctant to start the conversation that was long overdue. He didn’t know what to say to Kuroo, what Kuroo could say to him, he wanted to forget this ever happened, but this wasn’t just another problem he could run away from. Running away from problems was what got them here in the first place.

 

“What the fuck was that about?! What’s wrong with you, huh?” Tsukishima yelled “First you avoid me for weeks even though we live together, and then you hit a guy you don’t even know for no damn reason?!”

 

He didn’t want to attack Kuroo like that, especially not while he was still visibily boiling with anger, but he was unable to think rationally. His brain was incapable of stringing premeditated words and unclenching the muscles of his face, not even the voice that came out of his throat sounded like his own. He just wanted an explanation, something believable that wouldn’t leave space for his false hope again.

 

He couldn’t deny the fact that a part of him was trying to provoke this type of reaction all along, but now that he succeeded, he realized how immature that was. He didn’t expect Kuroo to physically attack Terushima, nor that the two of them would ever even meet, but he couldn’t allow himself to be _happy_ in this kind of situation. As questionable as Terushima’s moral compass was, it was him who deserved that punch.

 

“I don’t know Tsukishima, maybe use that smart law school brain of yours and try putting two and two together?” Kuroo’s voice was overflowing with rage, but still hadn’t turned into a yell “You bring some random dude to _my_ house and you seriously think that’s okay?”

 

The way he said Tsukishima’s last name and from the bottom of his throat felt like a punch to the stomach. He didn’t meet Kuroo’s eyes, but he could sense well enough that he was a ticking time bomb.

 

“This is my flat as much as it is yours, so it’s not for you to decide who I can and can’t invite” Tsukishima tried again to regain his calm tone, but he was already out of control “And why do you care so much who I fuck anyway?! Don’t act like you’re my fucking boyfriend.”

 

There it was. An opportunity for Kuroo to tell him what he wanted to hear, to tell him that he _wanted_ to be his boyfriend, to put an end on this ridiculous game of tag where they somehow never collided. Tsukishima was getting tired of this, of dancing along the line that separated him from his heart’s desires while reading into every single action and conversation. All he wanted was a clear rejection.

 

“You were supposed to understand me, remember? What happened to all that _‘I don’t want to date anyone ever again, I’m focusing on school’_ bullshit, was that just a lie to make me trust you? You really have no shame.”

 

The explanation that the rational side of his brain wanted to hear came, but it broke his heart. He allowed himself to get carried away in his misinterpretations again, of course. Was he really so desperate for a sign of love from Kuroo that he was willing to go this far? Even though it was now mostly directed at himself, his anger swelled up and he knew it would be pointless to try and act mature after all those heavy words have been thrown between them.

 

“So that’s what this is about? You’re upset I’m not pathetic like you and don’t pity myself anymore? And you’re so bitter that you can’t even be happy for me? Some friend you are.”

 

Stop. Stop. That’s not what he wanted to say at all, not what he _meant_ , he didn’t want to hurt Kuroo anymore. He wanted to tune out both of their hurtful voices, like he was trained to do since he was a child, and just like that time, he wanted to cry. He balled his hands into fists and buried his fingernails into the skin of his palms to stop the tears from spilling, but he could still feel his shut eyelids burning from the inside.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m a horrible friend who can’t be happy that you’re letting some slimy piece of shit take advantage of you when you deserve the world! You’re so much more than a random guy at a club, Tsukki, I don’t want to see you getting hurt again…”

 

Was that what he wanted to hear? Was that enough? _You deserve the world. I don’t want to see you getting hurt._ Was that worth Kuroo’s voice cracking like that and his hair falling over his face as he hung his head down? Was it worth them yelling at each other like this, yelling things they didn’t even think and finally breaking down?

 

“How about you stay the fuck out of my life? I’m not some fragile flower and you’re not my babysitter, I’m an adult and this is my choice to make.”

 

“You’re right. If he makes you happy, I should be happy too. I just… No, it doesn’t matter anymore. I’ll stay out of your life” Kuroo’s voice dropped so that it was barely audible and he turned around to go to his room.

 

“I’m going to Miyagi for a few days” Tsukishima added before Kuroo could disappear “Mom called today to tell me Akiteru was coming.”

 

“Oh. Sure” he managed to say, but Tsukishima could hear how strained his voice was “Say hi to them from me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a reward for putting up with me for a whole month, the next chapter will be posted on Valentine's Day and that's when things start going uphill (well, kinda)!!! Again, I'm sorry for everything ever.


	6. Chapter 6

Tsukishima didn’t need to set up an alarm to get up on time for his 6 am train because he never fell asleep in the first place. He threw a couple of shirts and pairs of underwear in his backpack and fetched his headphones from the desk, but didn’t see the point in bringing anything else, since he was only staying at his mom’s house for two days.

He didn’t tell Kuroo when he was leaving, much less when he was coming back, and he felt like he shouldn’t leave a note either. Their apartment was unnaturally quiet, which shouldn’t have hit Tsukishima the way it did since it was five in the morning after all, but the fragile sunrise that reached their living room and the crisp morning air both felt heavy because of it. This wasn’t the way he was supposed to feel, not in their apartment.

His eyes fell on the couch where he and Kuroo spent so many peaceful nights talking about high school volleyball and many other things that made them happy, each time baring another small part of their soul to the other. He looked at the small wooden coffee table that showed no traces of ever being used, but with his imagination he painted on a pair of mugs and two menthol-flavored cigarettes on each side of a glass ashtray. He imagined young Leonardo DiCaprio on the now pitch-black TV screen and wet tissues scattered across the floor like snowballs.

During his high school days, the living room had always been a place he tried to avoid. He stopped eating because to get to the kitchen, you had to go through the living room, and there you’d hear your father screaming at your mother for giving birth to two good-for-nothing sons. The spacious living room where his mother hugged her knees on the couch, gasping for air because she had to speak up for her sons despite the sobs in her throat, that was the setting of all his nightmares.

The living room where Kuroo sang trashy pop songs from the top of his lungs even though his mouth was full of chocolate ice cream, that was his safe place.

He destroyed that new family just like he destroyed his blood-related one.

Screaming in the living room. That’s how it always started. That was only the beginning.

* * *

 

Two months after his sixteenth birthday and three months into his relationship with Kageyama, Kei decided to tell his parents about his orientation. He wasn’t ready to bring an actual boyfriend into that, he wanted to do it step by step, but some day, maybe, they could even meet Tobio.

A week before that he had met Kageyama’s parents, who were surprisingly warm in contrast to how cold Kageyama himself always looked, but he was their only son and they thanked Kei many times for making him smile a little more. That encounter was mainly what inspired him to come out to his own family – he noticed they were never as close as Kageyama and his family and for the first time ever, felt guilty for not giving them a chance to get to know him.

The Tsukishimas came in pairs – the cheerful and kind mother with her eldest son whose smile shined just as bright as hers, and the expressionless workaholic father to go with his younger son, who was far too serious for his age. His mother seemed closer to Akiteru only because he allowed her to be, but Kei always knew she loved them equally. His father, on the other hand, always made it very clear that Kei was his favorite.

Akiteru and his father never got along, only because Akiteru was the “useless” artistic type who didn’t put too much effort into his grades and had no interest in working in the family’s law firm. Throughout his childhood Kei witnessed many fights between the two Tsukishima men and his poor mother trying to calm them down, so he quietly took it upon himself to keep the family together by living up to his father’s expectations.

That plan worked perfectly, until he met Kageyama. His father never passed up an opportunity to praise and brag about his perfect grades to cover up the “shame” brought by his older son (thankfully, Akiteru was a saint and never blamed Kei for that). He kept subtly implying how great of a lawyer Kei was going to become one day and sometimes, he even told him he was proud to call him his son. Kei thought that was enough.

No matter how fascinated his father was by his academic success, he never cared much about his private life, never mentioning a daughter-in-law and little blonde grandchildren when talking about his vision of Kei’s perfect future (and he talked about it a lot), so Kei assumed that meant it wasn’t an important category. As long as he becomes a top-tier lawyer, he could pick up any hobby in his free time, that’s what his father always said.

But that was only in theory. That freedom applied to fishing or collecting minerals, not to his son being gay.

Once he said those words, Kei’s eyes that were previously glued to his shoes shot straight up at his father’s face. That was the first time he saw the tall man whose facial muscles hardly move, cry. He cried silently, with his hands balled up in fists on his sides and eyes tightly shut.

“Just when I thought I had one good son…” he choked out “What did I do to deserve this?”

Those words only stopped echoing in Kei’s head two years later, when he met Kuroo. A piece of his family portrait might’ve been torn out, but he still had his mother and his brother, who quite literally saved his life. In Kuroo’s picture, he was the torn out piece. He went through the same thing all alone, outnumbered, with both his parents hating him and no older sibling to tell him they still love him, and he was still smiling, trusting, unapologetically himself.

But now Kuroo’s shouting silhouette (and crying, he knows he was crying, even though he didn’t see it) merged with that of his father from that time and it made the flashback even more terrifying.

He focused on the cold patch of his skin where his cheek was pressing his against the window of the bullet train rushing towards Sendai, and his mind was suddenly almost as empty as the seats around him.

It was dangerously quiet, just like how his flat was that morning, with only a short old lady and a worn-out businessman in sight. He booked a seat on the earliest train for that precise reason, even though it was a Monday and it wouldn’t have been packed any other time of the day either, but now he wished he hadn’t. He wished he could look at people and try to put together stories about their lives just from their clothes and eyes, but all he saw was the white metal construction of the train and unnecessarily large windows.

Looking at the scenery wasn’t helpful either – the train was far too fast to let a complete image form and staring at those smudges of blue and green only made his head spin. Sleep wasn’t an option, and he’d spent almost twenty minutes angrily skipping every song his phone offered, so he had no choice but to succumb to the white noise in his brain. One hour passed, only one to go.

* * *

 

As a reward for surviving that unbearably lonely train ride, the light at the end of the tunnel appeared in the form of not one, but two smiling blondes. No matter how sad and sleep-deprived he was, not even a stone could contain a smile after seeing that.

They both pulled him into a hug at the same time, making it the most needed group hug he’d ever gotten. “Welcome home” Akiteru said softly over his shoulder. Their mother squeezed them both just a little tighter and it was true, he was home again.

As soon as they broke apart Akiteru took the backpack off his shoulder, even though it couldn’t have been lighter, and the three of them pushed through the crowd to get to his mother’s old Toyota. After two straight hours of dissociation and replaying the painful past, Tsukishima took a moment to note that he was back in his hometown, he was going to spend some time with his family in the house he grew up in and away from all the drama that remained in the ever-moving Tokyo. This was also, in a way, his safe place.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” was the first thing he asked Akiteru when they stepped into the car.

“Miyu’s visiting her family in Okinawa while I’m here, we came to Japan in the first place because her dad’s sick. But I’m not really his favorite son-in-law, so she said it would be better for me to be here with you. She says hi though!” Akiteru explained light-heartedly.

He knew Miyu’s dad didn’t like Akiteru for the same reason their own dad didn’t. He was a photographer, which didn’t sit well with the old farmer, who probably couldn’t even recognize a digital camera, and to make it worse, he dragged his youngest daughter all over the world instead of adding a little branch to his large traditional family in a serene Japanese village.

But just like Mr. Tsukishima, that wasn’t a topic they discussed. Akiteru’s girlfriend was a free spirit just like him and an overbooked model, so she didn’t let her father get between them. Tsukishima liked her from the day he met her, which never happened with his ex-girlfriends, because he could see right away how much they both loved each other. His mother did too, so she was warmly accepted into their family. He wished the same would happen with Kuroo, because he knew it would, if only he hadn’t screwed that up.

“How’s college? Do you like Tokyo?” Akiteru immediately started showering him with overly-excited questions “Mom tells me your roommate is super hot.”

Tsukishima scrunched up his nose, and there were also signs of embarrassment that his mother even said such a thing about Kuroo. Unconviniently, everyone in the Tsukishima family was good at reading people’s unspoken feelings.

“Ooh, I hit a sore spot there, didn’t I?” Akiteru hollered, a little too satisfied with himself to see that the emotions he provoked in Kei weren’t all that pleasant. His mom, on the other hand, went a step further in understanding Kei’s expression.

“Did something happen with Kuroo-kun?” she asked worriedly.

“Kuroo, right, that was his name!” Akiteru snapped his fingers when she reminded him.

“We can talk about that later, okay?” Tsukishima tried to shrug it off as casually as possible “What’s for breakfast?”

“You know what’s always for breakfast whenever there’s a special occasion” Akiteru winked at him in the rearview window “Strawberry shortcake!” Another genetic thing was that they all had a sweet tooth, but Akiteru was the most extreme at that.

“What kind of special occasion is this?” Kei scoffed.

“What do you mean, we’re all home at the same time!” Akiteru beamed up like it was the best thing to ever happen to them “It might only be one weekend, but we’re gonna make it a special weekend!”

“Akiteru’s right, it’s been months since we were all together” their mother chimed in “It’s a little lonely in the house without you boys.” She kept a smile on her face, but her sons couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about that.

“Oh come on mom, don’t be a sap!” Akiteru nudged her arm playfully “You call me every night and don’t hang up until I’ve told you what I ate for every meal. I bet you’re even harder on Kei!”

That was true, his mother called very often and she wanted a debrief on every single lecture he had that day. She was the happiest when he told her about going out that night with Kuroo and then later when he went out with Yamaguchi and Yachi. Of course, she didn’t have to know all the details of those two nights.

“Now now, where were we?” Akiteru’s attention returned to Kei “Do you have any other friends? Any boooys?”

Kei hated how his brother, despite being older than him, still acted like a middle schooler. By his definition, Kuroo was absolutely a „boy“, hell, he might even have to put _Terushima_ there, but that was especially a story he didn’t want to get into.

“I already told you, he’s married to Kuroo-kun!” his mom hissed at Akiteru.

“I’m –“ Kei began to protest, but his mother knew him far too well for his good.

“You will be” she said quietly like it’s a death threat.

“Damn, now I really want to meet his Kuroo guy!” Akiteru sighed at being the only one who didn’t know the great Kuroo Tetsurou “Why didn’t he come with you?”

“He’s busy with school” Tsukishima lied “Criminology, before you ask.”

“Wow, you have a badass federal agent husband who’s good at cooking!” Akiteru daydreamed “My little brother, finally living his dreams.” He wiped a fake tear from the corner of his eyes and that over-dramatic gesture reminded Kei of something Kuroo would do. Yes, those two would definitely get along dangerously well. Why did everything always have to be about Kuroo?

“You’re the one to talk, Mr. Travelling around the world with my supermodel girlfriend” Kei responded, but it wasn’t nearly as bitter as it should’ve sounded. His mother looked like she was holding back actual tears, that’s how wide her quiet smile was. She missed her sons teasing each other like that, but more importantly, they were both right where they wanted to be in life, and they were loved. Well, the ‘loved’ part was debatable for Kei, but she couldn’t know that.

The thing is, he has known for a long time that Kuroo cares deeply for him, no matter how much his demons wanted to convince him otherwise. At first he thought he was just trying to be a good roommate and an impressive upperclassman, but as soon as they stopped being two guys who lived together and started being friends, Kuroo went pretty far to make Tsukishima happy.

He could see why his mother said they were like a married couple. Kuroo never let Kei eat something in the category of instant noodles, they bantered like childhood friends and Kuroo was genuinely interested in getting to know him. He didn’t write him off as a boring snob just because of his generic law degree, he wanted to listen to his dusty records and asked for the species of his dinosaur figurines. Kuroo Tetsurou was too perfect for someone like him.

Thankfully, they reached their house before he could delve deeper into self-pity.

„Ah, just as I remember it!“ Akiteru mused.

„For god’s sake, it’s been five months, not five decades“ Kei rolled his eyes, but he was also starting to feel a little nostalgic. He was lucky not to feel any homesickness in Tokyo, not even when Yamaguchi came and insisted they take a trip down the memory lane. The main reason for that was that Kei never got attached to anything – not places, not items, not people. The underlying reason might’ve been that Kuroo, too, felt something like a home.

He reluctantly went to his old room to drop his backpack. Save for his single bed, a white desk and a closet, there were no signs that anyone ever lived there. All symbols of Kei, the records, books, volleyball trophies, even the dinosaur figurines, everything has already settled in another room. That’s when it hit him that, even though Sendai will always be a place he could call home, his life was now entirely in Tokyo. He felt a guilty sadness when he remembered he left Kuroo alone in an apartment almost as empty as this room.

„Come on Kei, cake’s ready!“ Akiteru called him from the kitchen and he decided to leave all thoughts of Kuroo behind these doors. This was his time with his family.

The faces of his mom and brother beamed like two little suns as they carried out a discreetly decorated home-made strawberry shortcake. His mom came up with an original recipe (which took many failed attempts to master) that could easily rival professional patisseries in Paris. It didn’t taste like a bucket of sugar, as commercial cakes usually did, it had a rich and natural strawberry aroma, but was still just as tooth-rottingly sweet. Just a taste of that cake on his lips could make Kei cry.

Their mom sliced three equally large pieces and gave the first one to Kei. He knew he looked like he needed it the most, and he probably did, but that didn’t stop Akiteru from complaining about the injustice like he always did when they were kids.

They slipped into a comfortable conversation about Kei’s studies, which put his mind at ease. Then came Akiteru’s story about his recent assignment in Hawaii, told in great detail. Akiteru’s travel stories were Kei’s favorite because they could turn all the attention away from him, and his brother was always so excited and descriptive when looking back on all the exotic countries he visited, it was hard not to be pulled in and transported to that place.

Mako still pushed the subject of Akiteru getting married to his girlfriend and giving her grandchildren to take care of, since she was already bored with her single life, but Akiteru always looked uncomfortable when that was brought up. “One of your sons is already married, leave me alone!” he joked.

“For the last time” Kei snapped a little too aggressively “I don’t even like Kuroo-san that way.”

His mother softened her tone and her teasing smile turned into just a fond one, but otherwise she ignored Kei’s weak lie. “I’ve seen the way you two look at each other when the other one’s not looking. I have a sixth sense when it comes to these things, sweetie, and plus, I know a little bit more about Kuroo-kun than you think.”

The wink she gave him after finishing that sentence made Tsukishima’s stomach tie up in a knot. He remembered when she came to visit them and how they were alone on the car ride back to the station. What worried him the most back then was what his mother told Kuroo about him, but now he knew he had other things to worry about too. But why would Kuroo tell anything personal to his mom when she could easily tell him, and more importantly, why didn’t she?

“Please put me out of my misery” he groaned into his arms. Akiteru found it funny, their mom found it cute, and he found it was the worst day of his life. The whole point of the Sendai trip was to get his mind off Kuroo, not to have his own mother push more thoughts into his head. Why couldn’t they just respect it when Kei said he didn’t want to talk about it?

But he knew why. They always respected his silence when they could see it was genuine. Right now, the youngest Tsukishima did want to talk to them deep down inside. He wanted advice on how to fix this, and there was no one else he could turn to. He didn’t tell Yamaguchi about the fight yet because he wasn’t prepared to get his ass kicked for it, but his family was a lot more understanding and had a better way of dealing with emotions than he did.

“So” his mom continued “What’s weighing so hard on your mind that you can’t even finish your cake?”

Kei looked down at his plate to see that he really did have a big chunk of cake left there, but his throat clenched at the thought of eating it. He wanted to be as honest as possible, but what could he say? “I started fucking this random guy I met at a club to forget about Kuroo but then they met and Kuroo knocked his lights out and got mad when I asked why?” To his mom and brother, who still treated him like he was five, definitely not that.

“I think it’s better not to talk about it and just enjoy this time together” Kei decided. His mom looked visibly defeated, but she knew when to give up. Also, he was right. She planned to make this the happiest two days for her sons because she didn’t know when they’d get a chance like this again.

* * *

 

Meanwhile in Tokyo: the sun went up as usual, the earth insensitively hadn’t stopped spinning and the date on Kuroo Tetsurou’s phone had changed, but he felt like he was trapped in a motionless moment in time. There was no way nothing in the world has changed when Kuroo woke up without a blond to annoy.

It was crazy how big of a difference made the absence of one single 190cm tall kid with glasses. Tsukishima didn’t talk much in the first place, so it wasn’t the silence that made him feel like he broke into a stranger’s flat. Unlike his roommate, he wasn’t the type to earnestly enjoy silence (unless it’s shared with the said roommate), but he never hated it as much as he did now either.

His feet dragged him to Tsukishima’s room, a door he’d only opened a couple of times. Just like the rest of the house, the décor of that room was unchanged, but because Tsukishima wasn’t there, it felt like a graveyard. Every trophy on the shelves, every record, every damn plastic dinosaur was just a reminder that when Kei does come home, he’ll only do so to pack them back into boxes and take them away.

When he woke up that morning, with his eyes still painfully hot from last night’s tears, he made a very firm plan in his head. He’d get up, take a shower, since he couldn’t do that last night, then make coffee, maybe fix up a sandwich, he’d light a cigarette and then start studying for his upcoming victimology exam.

That was something he did every time he woke up feeling unwell, list all the small things he would do that day and then start from the hardest – getting out of bed. He wasn’t going to fail his own coping mechanism; after he’d officially gotten over Oikawa, he left his _“Titanic”_ and One Direction weeks behind him. He wanted to call them days, but once he regained a sense of time and space, he realized he had gone like that for weeks, without doing anything of substance.

He will not let that happen again. He closed the door of Tsukishima’s room (a little too angrily) and went to the bathroom to start working on the second task of the day. Going through his break up, the shower was his favorite place to cry. When Tsukishima was there, it became a place to sing. Now that neither of those things were true, he didn’t quite know what to do. There were no tears coming out, but he wished there were. All he did in the scorching hot shower was stare at a simple bottle of vanilla-scented shampoo that stood out amongst Kuroo’s countless expensive (and manly) products.

Task #3: Make coffee. That would’ve been even easier, if not for the fact that he only needed to get one mug out of the pantry and put less water in the kettle. One teaspoon of sugar, no milk. Why did his brain have to remind him that Tsukishima liked his coffee more on the sugary side? That didn’t matter now, since he was making coffee for his own damn self, and not Tsukishima. Tsukishima was now in Miyagi, drinking his sugary coffee with two equally sweet family members, he wasn’t thinking about Kuroo and he wasn’t sad.

The supposedly easiest task, lighting a cigarette, came right before the hardest, actually studying. At least he thought that’s the way it would go, but every task was equally unreasonably hard, in each their own way. As soon as a cigarette touched his lips he remembered how much hotter it looked between Tsukishima’s, and how elegant his slim fingers looked while holding it disinterestedly. The world does not revolve around Tsukishima, he reminded himself.

Seeing how he was already tired just from those four basic things he did every morning, and looked forward to, he decided to throw his victimology textbook at the wall and focus on the taste of his coffee. Too bitter.

That’s when he heard a knock on his door that was too loud and energetic for a Saturday morning, hence, for everyone other than Bokuto Koutarou. Kuroo thought it might’ve been a mistake to text Bokuto about the fight yesterday, but appreciated the concern anyway.

He used his last atom of energy to drag his feet to the door and open it. It was too early for Bokuto’s volume, but when he saw Bokuto, he was pleasantly surprised to see his level-headed boyfriend standing next to him. Akaashi being present didn’t actually make Bokuto quieter, but Akaashi held the power to do so when he saw fit.

“What are you guys doing here?” he asked his unexpected guests sheepishly. If it were just Bokuto, he’d probably whine and slam the door in his face, but Akaashi probably got enough of that from Bokuto, so it would be rude. Plus, this might just be the help he didn’t want to admit he needed.

“We’re having an intervention!” Bokuto exclaimed.

“Did you really think he wouldn’t show up at your door first thing in the morning if you texted him about a fight with your crush and then ignored him?” Akaashi just sighed.

“I mean, I did kind of expect that, but why’d he have to bring you into this?” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck and stepped back so they could finally enter the apartment. Akaashi looked as bored as ever, but Bokuto was changing enough facial expressions for both of them.

“Just in case you need some actual, intelligent advice” Akaashi deadpanned.

“ _Aghaaasheee_ ” Bokuto pouted, but he didn’t let go of his boyfriend’s waist. Just what Kuroo needed in his darkest hour – a sickeningly happy couple cuddling on his couch to remind him how he’ll never have something like that in his own life.

“So, Kuroo-san, we’re listening” Akaashi announced in the same monotone voice.

“Um, well, I came home, all ready to spill my heart out, and then I saw…” his voice started shaking with anger again “Terushima fucking Yuuji. In my living room. And I might’ve broken his nose on the spot.”

Akaashi didn’t show any signs of surprise, just more disappointment, but Bokuto’s eyes widened in awe. He knew he shouldn’t condone violent behavior, but he had to admit it was a little badass of Kuroo. “Wait, like, the Terushima that’s been fucking him?” he checked.

“Koutarou” Akaashi warned him.

“The one and only. I hope” Kuroo murmured “So yeah, he got mad at me for acting like that and we just started yelling, god, I don’t even remember what about, it was awful.”

“What did he say?” Akaashi asked.

“He called me pathetic, a bad friend, and told me to, quote, stay the fuck out of his life” Kuroo repeated with a small frustrated smile.

“But did you tell him you love him?” Bokuto still insisted.

“How am I supposed to tell him that when he’s yelling at me for being a violent asshole for no reason?!” Kuroo groaned “And he’s right. I can’t be a good friend if I can’t even control my jealousy.” He felt like he entered Bokuto’s dejected mode, with his elbows propped up on his knees and his hands on his forehead. It looked a lot more pathetic when he did that.

“Look, you were both wrong, he shouldn’t have said those things to you because they’re not true, but he couldn’t know that when you lied to him” Akaashi reasoned, and he was inarguably right “And to be fair, you didn’t have to actually knock that guy out, it was still Tsukishima’s decision to associate with him.”

“But I’m still super proud that you did” Bokuto, on the other hand, congratulated him, even offering a fistbump. To this day Kuroo couldn’t figure out how those two polar opposites functioned in a long-term relationship, but he and Tsukishima looked a lot like that from the outside too. Anyway, he was glad Bokuto had someone like Akaashi to keep him grounded, otherwise who knows what could’ve happened.

Akaashi just waited for their heart-warming display of bromance to end. “What?! If any guy did as much as look at you, I’d punch all his teeth out!” Bokuto assured him.

“I’d prefer you didn’t, but that aside, Kuroo and Tsukishima aren’t actually dating, so I understand why Tsukishima thought it was strange” Akaashi got back to the actual topic of their conversation. Kuroo thought Akaashi and Tsukishima would get along too well for his and Bokuto’s good.

It’s not like he ever felt angry at Tsukishima, no matter how much the things he said hurt him last night. He was probably just incapable of feeling anything negative towards him, that’s how much love clouded his vision. Still, Akaashi providing an insight into Tsukishima’s perspective was helpful. He knew Tsukishima had no intention of hurting him and was just as confused and scared by the whole situation as he was.

“Akaashi, you’re smart, tell me what to do” Kuroo finally whined.

“If I were you, I’d let him sort his thoughts out alone and when he comes back, talk to him like an adult” Akaashi answered straightforwardly. Kuroo nodded and all three of them took a moment to think about that.

“Oooor…” Bokuto started and Akaashi could already feel trouble “You could get on the next train to Miyagi and bring that cake he likes, but write ‘I love you’ on it!”

“Or you could do... that” Akaashi glared at his boyfriend suspiciously, sincerely hoping his equally theatrical friend wouldn’t actually take that advice. Deep down he knew they were both the same breed of idiot, and the sudden glow in Kuroo’s eyes confirmed that.

“Bokuto, you’re a genius. I love you!” he yelled and skipped to the kitchen “Oh, but the whipped cream will melt on the train, I gotta think of something else…”

Akaashi still wasn’t sure coming up with that ridiculous rom-com concept made Bokuto a genius, but the way it made his face shine proudly was nice to look at. “That’s Kuroo. He’s always been too romantic for his own good” Bokuto giggled.

“I guess it would be too boring to just have a mature conversation…” Akaashi agreed sarcastically but went along with their antics, like he always did. He had to admit it was amusing. Not something he himself would ever have the courage to do, but that’s precisely why being around Kuroo and Bokuto made his life so much brighter – they couldn’t be boring even if they tried.

“Exactly! Remember how I asked you to be my boyfriend?” Bokuto exclaimed, failing to notice the irony in Akaashi’s voice.

“I try to forget” Akaashi smiled. He did not, in fact, ever want to forget the day Bokuto served a volleyball right at his face in the middle of a park. But the volleyball did have the words _‘Will you be my boyfriend?’_ written on it with a black sharpie, it was still visible under the blood from Akaashi’s nose. Seriously, if he could do that and still get a boyfriend, Kuroo could probably pull off appearing in Miyagi uninvited.

* * *

 

After a drawn-out breakfast (which Kei couldn’t finish in the end), they’d spent the day watching stupid game shows on TV, because they loved those when they were kids, and then Akiteru even made them play some dusty board game. It was fun. A very cliché family day, but he enjoyed feeling a little younger and more carefree for a day.

To make it even more disgustingly domestic, Akiteru pulled out a gigantic old photo-album full of pictures of the two of them as actual babies. It wasn’t like the professional album he’d made for Kei before he left for college, full of beautiful landscapes, just one of those ‘treasures’ every family had tucked away in their basement. As expected, his mom and brother got sentimental and flipped through the entire thing, especially pointing at every funny picture of Kei, but he couldn’t see what was so unbelievable about the fact that they were once children.

Just an hour before sunset, their mother’s phone rang and her mouth opened up a little when she saw the caller ID. Before she picked up and before her sons could ask her who it was, she ran to the bathroom and slammed the door.

“Well that wasn’t suspicious at all” Akiteru whistled “Think maybe _she_ has a boy in her life?”

Kei just laughed. He wanted his mom to be happy, but he knew she just wasn’t there yet. It wasn’t a problem for her, since she probably had ten more years of looking like she’s thirty in front of her. Kuroo even joked that he’d hit on her if he was straight, which Tsukishima found deeply disturbing.

“Please don’t eavesdrop” he had to hold Akiteru before he tried to get up and head for the bathroom “Knowing her, she’s probably planning some sort of surprise for us.”

Akiteru settled on teasing Kei about a picture of him in a dinosaur costume for his fourth Halloween. Thankfully, a ten-year-old Akiteru was standing next to him, blissfully unashamed of his toothless smile, so Kei at least had enough material to tease back.

Their mother came out of the bathroom not long after she got the call and met two scarily similar curious pairs of eyes. When it came to masking her emotions and lying, her skill was closer to Akiteru’s, but she didn’t let those eyes startle her too much.

“Hey boys, would you mind going to the store to get me some flour? I remembered I want to try baking this new type of bread for breakfast tomorrow” she asked with a smile, but they both knew it couldn’t be unrelated to the mysterious phone call she’d just gotten. They simultaneously narrowed their eyes at her, but of course they accepted. More mischief showed on her smile.

“What do you think she has planned this time?” Akiteru asked as soon as they locked the gate of the house behind them.

“Who knows” Kei shrugged, not nearly as invested in this plot as his brother “Knowing her, it might just be some new recipe.” He really did believe that, while Akiteru’s head was visibly overflowing with conspiracy theories. Kei didn’t want to know.

The walk to the store was short, as was the line at the cash register, but they didn’t know how much time they needed to give their conspiring mother, so Akiteru suggested they visited Karasuno, the high school they both graduated. Kei was a little reluctant at first, but ultimately agreed. A part of him wished he’d get the chance to go to his old school during this visit.

He’d spent many breezy nights just like this one on that very field in front of the gym. He was usually alone on those nights, but sometimes Yamaguchi or Akiteru kept him company. He did not want to think about the times when Kageyama did too. That was a wound, albeit freshly healed, and he was still afraid that the stitches weren’t strong enough. Mainly because most of those stitches somehow involved Kuroo, and they weren’t on speaking terms either.

Only when he sat on the bleachers did he realize why Akiteru said what he said that morning when they reached their house: Ah, just as I remember it. Because it was strange to think that this place didn’t stop existing when he graduated. A new generation came in their place and made their own stories on this field, and his high school carrier, no matter how much it shaped him, was just a speck of dust in the universe. That realization only worsened the unwelcome nostalgia he already felt.

“Now that we’re a place that makes us all emotional” Akiteru began “Got anything to tell me that you couldn’t say in front of mom?”

“Not really” Kei shrugged. Damn, did he need a cigarette.

“C’mon, I’m your big brother, I’ve probably been through everything you’ve been through” Akiteru insisted with a wide but innocent smile on his face “This is a judgement-free zone.”

“If I tell you, do you promise you won’t tell mom?” Kei hesitated. Akiteru held out his pinky finger, which Kei did not want to get involved in, but he understood the gesture.

“Fine” he finally huffed “The night I went to that club for Yachi’s birthday, I met some guy and we kind of started, you know…” Nope, he could not finish that sentence in front of any family member.

“My baby brother? My sweet little angel?” Akiteru fought for air “Has a friend with benefits?!”

“Well I wouldn’t really call him a friend…“

“Oh my god, stop!” Akiteru covered his ears to block out the fact his younger brother was no longer five. After a couple of deep breaths, he looked normal again. “Okay, you can proceed.”

“So I only did that because I was trying not to, um, feel things for Kuroo-san anymore.”

“Yes, you finally said it!” Akiteru pumped his fist “Mom owes me 2000 yen.”

“Did you two seriously make a bet on whether or not I’ll admit my feelings for Kuroo?” Kei stared at him in disbelief “I thought I was the youngest one here.”

“Sorry, please continue” Akiteru giggled like a school girl. He was enjoying this way too much while Kei only felt more tension pooling in the pit of his stomach.

“Anyway, he came over one day and when Kuroo came home he just… punched him?”

“Oh crap” Akiteru whispered when his mom wasn’t there to remind him to watch the language “Please don’t tell me you still refuse to see that as jealousy.” Kei avoiding his eyes spoke volumes.

“It’s really not that, okay?” he stubbornly defended himself “When we first met he told me about his break up and we agreed neither of us would date anyone. He thought I broke our promise, that’s why he was mad.”

“Do you really think Kuroo-san is that immature?” the older Tsukishima asked again “Even if that’s what upset him, he wouldn’t have punched an innocent guy because of it. From what you and mom told me, that guy wouldn’t hurt a fly!”

“That’s true, I kill all the bugs in the house” Kei snickered when he remembered a particular episode of their life “A month into living in Tokyo he tried to kill a bug because he thought I’d be grossed out by it, but then it jumped and he started crying.”

“Oh my god, Kei! He tried to look cool in front of you even though he’s afraid of bugs! He cooks a five-course meal for every meal, every day. And he punched a guy for you. Those are all things I wouldn’t do for anyone but family and Miyu, that’s all I’m saying.”

“But even if he does like me, it’s over now. I yelled at him, all sorts of cruel stuff that’s just not true, and I probably don’t even deserve forgiveness.”

“How do you feel about him?” Akiteru asked softly with another one of his warm smiles and Tsukishima could see stars reflecting in his eyes. He forgot how much brighter the night sky is outside of a metropolitan city.

“Why are you trying to make me say some sappy shit?” Kei laughed nervously “I’m not you, or mom, or Kuroo.”

“Come on, just say it. You’ll feel better after you do.” It was about time.

“He’s… Urgh, this is stupid. I don’t know how to do this crap” Kei sounded irritated but he started blushing before even putting together a sentence. Akiteru looked very amused by that.

“No offence to you and mom, but he kind of feels like home, too. I just feel safe and comfortable around him. I mean, safe from my own mind. He’s so casual and funny and full of stuff to talk about that I just don’t get to sulk around the house. He always knows when something’s up and seriously, he’s getting more and more like mom every day. Respecting my boundaries and reading my blank face and shit.”

Tsukishima noticed he swore a lot more than he usually did, but he desperately needed a tool that would water down his most well-hidden feelings. This was the first time he was talking this openly about any kind of personal emotion. He didn’t even know why he was telling this to Akiteru, because he knew his brother just wanted to see him embarrassed, but this had been weighing on his mind for too long and he’d finally let the floodgates open.

Akiteru’s unwavering smile encouraged him to continue and more reasons why he loved Kuroo started pushing to get to the front of his mind. God, this was a disaster. But only for a moment, and only because the Sendai air carried sentimental value, he let himself be happy while thinking about Kuroo.

“I’m still afraid about what he thinks of me. He told me I’m too skinny for his taste and he often calls me emotionless and things like that, but I know he’d never hurt me. It’s disgusting, because I spent my whole life not believing anyone’s intentions, but in the end he beat me no matter how hard I tried to shut him out. I kind of hate him, to be honest.”

“ _That’s_ what I was waiting for!” Akiteru pumped his fist once again, but in a smaller movement. Kei only furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“I hate him” he imitated his younger brother, and pretty accurately at that “That’s Kei for ‘I love him’.” Akiteru might’ve been, kind of, right, but it was too early for that.

“Ew, don’t push it” Kei laughed in return.

Akiteru’s eyes fixated on something behind Kei’s shoulder. “Hey, is Kuroo somewhere around your height and really hot except for the awful bedhead?” he asked. Kei furrowed his brows again, but nodded. The initial fear disappeared from Akiteru’s face and made space for the widest possible grin.

“Oh look, mom’s calling me!” he said and pointed at his obviously black phone screen “Gotta run help her with that thing she was doing! See you at home!”

He could hear Akiteru tapping someone on the shoulder. He turned around and that someone was shyly smiling at him and holding a mysterious box in his hands.

“Hey” Kuroo said, failing to meet Tsukishima’s eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Tsukishima asked “How did you even get here?!”

“I asked your mom to pick me up from the station and she thought you two would be in school, so she gave me the directions after we added some finishing touches to this in the kitchen” Kuroo explained and looked down at the box in his lap.

He didn’t sit across from Kei like Akiteru previously did, but right next to him. There was still a safe distance, even bigger than there usually was when they were sitting next to each other, so Tsukishima supposed that was just to avoid the awkward eye contact.

It didn’t help, because there was still a heavy silence between them. Both were bursting with things they needed the other to hear, but neither of them knew how to say it. So Kuroo took it upon himself to start, since he already came all the way over there.

“I’m sorry I hit Terushima” he blurted out “I wasn’t angry about the stupid dating ban. I was angry because I was jealous. Because I wanted to be him, and I didn’t want anyone else to lay a hand on you.”

“Did that smart boyfriend of Bokuto’s send you here to talk about your feelings honestly?” Tsukishima laughed. He still wasn’t ready to respond to that. He had to wait for his heart to stop doing cartwheels.

“Bokuto’s smart boyfriend told me to talk about my feelings honestly” Kuroo smiled, tension leaving his shoulders “But Bokuto sent me here to do it right now.”

“I’m glad” Tsukishima could only muster a weak smile, but his cheeks were burning “Because I kind of wanted you to get jealous.”

“What?!” Kuroo finally turned his face towards Tsukishima, and it was a relief to see that he was just as red and messed up “You tortured me on purpose?”

“I was in the process of breaking it off with him when you came in. I never felt anything for him. I just thought it would help me stop liking you.”

The toes of Tsukishima’s sneakers were drawing small circles in the land under him and his eyes fell back down. He wanted to read Kuroo’s reaction from his face, since no sound was coming out, but he didn’t think he’d be able to handle it. Instead, he focused on the warm September air and the special feeling of familiarity he got from being in Karasuno. It was probably the most perfect night he could imagine to confess his feelings to Kuroo.

“Why did you want to stop liking me?” Kuroo asked simply. The sound that came out of him showed he was having trouble breathing.

“Because I value our friendship and didn’t want to make our living situation uncomfortable by forcing my dumb feelings onto you?”

“But I like you too Tsukki, I have from the start.”

Tsukishima forced himself to look at Kuroo, just when the older boy had decided the same. Their eyes met and trembled in the moonlight, spilling the concealed feelings that didn’t have to be restricted anymore. It was different. Kuroo’s eyes were always intense, but never so innocently bright and full of everything. Tsukishima’s, on the other hand, were just straight up burning.

Maybe it was the daze of requited love that made them look at each other that way, but that’s truly what it felt like. Everything was sharper, even the night sky that was now simply a backdrop, and Tsukishima wondered if he’d ever seen Kuroo that real, that raw and present.

Kuroo never hid his feelings – he was crying the very first time they met, and many times after that. He’d seen him heartbroken, drunk, angry, hyperactive, focused, sleepy – a whole palette of emotions. Kuroo was always authentically himself and that was one thing he loved about him. But the Kuroo that was sitting next to him was even a step above that – he looked more vulnerable and even more expressive. Tsukishima’s entire chest ached with love.

“Huh” Tsukishima replied.

“Huh?” Kuroo laughed “That’s what you’ve got to say to my confession? Is that what I came all the way to Miyagi for?”

“Well what else did you want?” Tsukishima grinned teasingly. _Please kiss me_ , he meant.

“I want you to, uh, try one of these cookies” Kuroo said instead “You mom helped me with the icing, but I baked them before I got there. You know, I wanted to make a strawberry shortcake, but wouldn’t have survived the bullet train, so I found some new recipe that also has strawberries in it and…”

“Kuroo, you’re rambling” Tsukishima cut him off “Just give me the damn cookie.”

“Oh yeah, the cookies” Kuroo remembered and finally opened the lid of the plastic box. He was so adorable when he was flustered.

There was a total of six round cookies, but the accent was obviously on the pink lettering on them. Each cookie was decorated with a different a word or a syllable.

Will. You. Be. My. Boy. Friend.

“There was supposed to be a question mark too but the ‘boyfriend’ couldn’t fit on one cookie, and then there’d be an uneven number, so it wouldn’t fit in the box…” Kuroo started stuttering again. Of course it had to be some ridiculous romantic gesture with Kuroo. He couldn’t just kiss him like a normal person. Tsukishima laughed.

“I’ll probably have to find a new apartment if I say no, so I mean, I guess” Tsukishima answered the cookies, not paying attention to Kuroo’s rant about the missing question mark.

“You guess?!” Kuroo laughed again “I mean, I guess that’s plenty, considering who it’s coming from.”

“Exactly” Tsukishima agreed “So take what you can get.”

“Can I at least get a kiss to go with that?” Kuroo finally asked, and his face looked ridiculous as he was too flustered to pull off his usual seductive smirk, no matter how hard he was trying.

“I guess” Tsukishima repeated, but he couldn’t stop a smile of his own from spreading all the way to his cheeks. He tilted his head a little closer to Kuroo’s and their lips found each other easily. It wasn’t a flashy fireworks show at the end of summer festival – it was an explosion of the color burgundy behind Tsukishima’s eyelids and a shy spark flickering in his chest.

Just as he always imagined, the movements of Kuroo’s lips were so gentle that they perfectly mirrored his usual care for Tsukishima. He took his time exploring their texture and feathering over every tiny wound caused by his nervous habit of bitting them, and it was dizzying. One day, he’d give Kuroo urgent, mind-blowing, bruising kisses that he’d imagined late at night, but today was not the day.

Today was the day to coat Kuroo’s lips with pure love, to act like high schoolers sharing their first kiss, without caring about how cliché that was. Tsukishima did have his actual first kiss on those same bleachers, but no other kiss could be compared to the one he was having right now. Kuroo’s arms were soon wrapped around his waist just as carefully as he was kissing him, and Kei gathered the courage to cup Kuroo’s face.

It was perfectly comfortable, with not much of a height difference between them, and it felt right. The bad news was, oxygen was still a thing that existed, and when their lungs reminded them of that, another great thing came to an end. The good news was, they could always pick up right where they left off.

“Wow” Kuroo huffed out while trying to return his heart to a normal rhythm.

“Wow indeed” Tsukishima repeated, eyes still locked with Kuroo’s. They looked even happier than a moment ago. They both burst out into laughter.

“You confessed to me by writing it out on a batch of cookies” Tsukishima said as soon as the laughter died out.

“Bokuto confessed to Akaashi by hitting him in the face with a volleyball” Kuroo said in his defence “Would you have preferred that?”

“Why does that sound like such a Bokuto thing to do?”

“Hey, we should probably head back” Kuroo suddenly changed the subject “My train leaves in twenty minutes.”

“Did you seriously think my mom would let you just bring me cookies and then go back after half an hour?”

“Well, there was a strong possibility you’d turn me down, so I had to be prepared to flee right away” Kuroo grinned and rubbed the side of his neck.

“Strong possibility” Tsukishima scoffed mockingly “Anyway, this isn’t even me inviting you, I just know my mother and Akiteru would kick me out and put me on that train with you if I didn’t force you to stay.”

“In that case, I guess I can stay the night” Kuroo finally accepted “But don’t think just because you brought me home that I’ll reveal all my charms in one night.”

“Honestly, I think my mom would forgive even that if it’s you” Tsukishima laughed, knowingly exactly what Kuroo’s dirty mind meant “My brother, on the other hand, will probably kill you if he sees you looking at me the wrong way.”

“Understood” Kuroo saluted and grabbed Tsukishima’s hand as they started walking towards his (their) home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a gift for everyone who's been patient with me so far - we made it! I sincerely hope it paid off, there are still more chapters to come but I'm nervous because I don't have a further plan and I'll also get busier irl ;-; But that's a worry for another day, thank you again for coming this far and happy Valentine's day <3


	7. Chapter 7

“Akiteru, this is Kuroo Tetsurou, my… boyfriend.”

“Holy shit!” Akiteru gasped.

“Language!” his mother smacked him on the head.

“Nice to meet you, big brother” Kuroo shook Akiteru’s hand with the widest smile he’d ever put on. While Akiteru took a moment to process that, he turned to Tsukishima’s mom. “Aoyama-san, the cookies worked! Thank you again for coming to get me on such short notice.”

“That’s the least I could do for my son-in-law!” Mako’s smile was, impossibly, even brighter than Kuroo’s “I’m so glad you boys have finally worked it out.”

Kei had already started cringing, but there was nothing he could do now. His strategy was to try to ignore their teasing as much as possible and wait for his agony to end naturally. “I’m sorry, I left in a hurry and didn’t have the time to bring any souvenirs. But there are still more cookies!” Kuroo apologized. Of course he’d be the perfect son-in-law.

As for brother-in-law, well, Kei wasn’t so sure. When it came to interactions with other people, Akiteru was even more protective than his mom, because he was aware of the whole Kageyama situation. Even though he tapped Kuroo on the shoulder that time and shook his hand quietly, Kei could see he was now scanning the stranger from head to toe.

“That’s okay, Tetsurou-kun, I was just finishing up dinner. And I had a feeling you’d be staying with us, so there’s enough for everyone” Tsukishima’s mom said with a wink. She couldn’t have hidden her happiness even if she tried, but she didn’t try at all, so it just looked like she was putting all her strength into holding back a scream of joy. Akiteru was still a suspicious older brother when they sat down at the table to eat.

She presented a large hotpot and gave everyone a proportionally big serving of white rice on the side. “So, Kuroo-kun” Akiteru broke the short silence “What are your plans after college?”

“To become a police investigator, I hope” Kuroo replied with an innocent smile, but Kei could see he was sweating under the scrutiny of Akiteru’s analytical eyes. He was measuring his response (and more importantly, his follow-up question) while obviously judging Kuroo’s hair. He already announced his attitude towards Kuroo’s bedhead, but he wanted to give him the benefit of doubt.

“Mhm” he finally mumbled “And this isn’t your first relationship, I assume?”

“Akiteru, leave him alone” Kei warned him.

“It’s okay, Tsukki” Kuroo giggled and gently placed his hand on Kei’s knee “I wish I had a brother that cares that much about me, and I’m glad you do.” That didn’t fly under Akiteru’s radar, so he was quick to return it to his own lap.

“But to answer your question, I’ve only had one boyfriend before, all through my first and second year of college” Kuroo said honestly. Akiteru looked surprised, like he wasn’t expecting a number less than twenty, but he knew Kuroo wasn’t lying.

“Why’d you break up after so long?”

“Akiteru, that’s enough!” this time their mother joined Kei in protecting Kuroo, but Kuroo only shot her a thankful smile. He was visibly uncomfortable, but he could handle this. Akiteru had the right to be cautious after seeing his brother suffer because of a boy before, but he also knew he was just the right guy for Kei. The moment he agreed to date him he silently vowed that he would never, ever lose him.

Their relationship was an hour old, but Kuroo was a hopeless romantic who dared say he’d found his soulmate. He thought that even before he got together with Tsukishima, he just felt it in the way they acted when they were alone together, and the way their eyes always held a conversation of their own without their brains having any say in it.

“He was cheating on me” he said bluntly, his smile unwavering. Tsukishima could see it wasn’t forced, and his shoulders weren’t tense either. Kuroo looked like he… didn’t care? His voice was detached from that memory, like he just retold something that happened in a movie he’d watched. Usually there was at least a hint of sadness when they talked about Oikawa, but not this time. Tsukishima didn’t know what to make of it.

“Shit” Akiteru swore again, but his mom only sighed at this point “I’m sorry, Kuroo-kun, I’m sure you’re a great guy, I just got carried away trying to ensure my baby brother’s happiness. But if you’ve already gained his trust, which is pretty much an impossible task, I think I should stay out of it.”

He and Kuroo exchanged smiles and soon forgot anything ever happened. “Don’t worry, I’d do whatever it takes to see him happy, and it’s very important that the family approves of me!”

“Can you all please stop talking like I’m not here and like we’re getting married tomorrow?!” Tsukishima finally snapped. Every line was more cliché than the last and he was rapidly losing both his patience and appetite.

“It’s called bonding, Kei!” Akiteru whined “Kuroo’s family is going to hate you.” He stepped on another landmine, but at least this time it wasn’t on purpose. Tsukishima’s throat clenched as he waited for Kuroo’s response. This time, his boyfriend couldn’t hide a grim shadow that flew over his face.

“Yeah, they would, but probably not more than they hate me” Kuroo said like he was telling a joke “That’s why I won’t let Tsukki go through that.” His trembling hand searched for Tsukishima’s under the table and Tsukishima scooped it in one determined movement. That immediately relaxed both of them, and their fingers fit together so comfortably that they didn’t want to let go.

“Ah, I’m sorry, I was out of line again…” Akiteru sounded frustrated with himself, but Kuroo assured him it was alright, he couldn’t have known. Tsukishima’s thumb was now slowly rubbing circles on the back of his hand, which also helped immensely.

Tsukishima still felt a little reluctant to openly show his affection – for the longest time it had been something he explicitly had to refrain from, and now he feared that if he starts he wouldn’t be able to hold back anymore. It all just happened so quickly, too quickly for his brain to process; they went from fighting to proclaiming their love in his hometown in just one day, and that was an emotional rollercoaster in itself.

However, holding Kuroo’s hand, being able to touch Kuroo without having to think about the stupid line and the hypothetical, it came so naturally, like something he was supposed to be doing all along. He let his brain ease into the fact of loving Kuroo, and he couldn’t wait to see what the future held for them.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Tetsurou” Tsukishima’s mother spoke suddenly “As a mother, I can tell you that any parent would be proud to call you a son. And now you’re a part of our family, so any time you need a mother’s advice, you can just call me!”

“And if you need a big brother to whoop someone’s ass, I’m here!” Akiteru smiled proudly “Although I’ve heard you’re already good at that yourself.” Kuroo laughed when he remembered his episode with Terushima, and Kei laughed too, but then he saw the tears in Kuroo’s eyes.

“Thank you so much” he said softly “Tsukki’s lucky to have people like you by his side. And I am too.” He couldn’t stop himself from crying anymore.

It was his first time feeling unconditional acceptance and support, and until that moment he wasn’t even aware of how much he missed that in his life. Dating Tsukishima didn’t only mean getting the most beautiful boyfriend ever, but he also came with a mother figure full of love and a badass older brother. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt so whole.

Tsukishima’s heart was full too. His family accepted his very male partner the same way they accepted Akiteru’s girlfriend, like it was a given. No matter how cruel of a place the rest of the world might be, he now had two little sanctuaries where he didn’t have to put up any walls – his childhood home in Miyagi, and the little flat he shared with Tetsurou in Tokyo. At that moment, nothing else mattered.

After some more light-hearted talking (that, of course, included Kuroo’s stories involving Bokuto and brought happy tears to everyone’s eyes), Tsukishima’s mother suggested they call it a night. It was one of the most eventful days of everyone’s lives, except maybe Akiteru’s, because he did travel to obscure places for a living.

Once everyone had prepared to go to sleep, Tsukishima didn’t want to risk his mom making him and Kuroo sleep in her double bed, so he took the guest futon and spread it in his room, right under his bed. The bigger challenge was, however, making Kuroo sleep in the bed and letting him take the futon. After a lot of bickering that ended in a game of rock-paper-scissors, Tsukishima had to let Kuroo sleep in the futon anyway.

He turned off the lights, but knew all too well that they wouldn’t be able to fall asleep just like that, not after everything that had changed in that day. “I feel like I’m at a middle school sleepover” Kuroo giggled.

“Shut up and go to sleep, idiot” Tsukishima grunted from above him, but he felt that way too.

“Can’t we just talk a little longer?” Kuroo whined, but his voice was soft. They talked quietly in order not to wake up Tsukishima’s mom and brother, though they probably wouldn’t be able to hear them anyway. But it was cute.

“If you promise not to get cheesy, sure.”

“Damn, then I don’t have anything to talk about.”

“Fine, I’ll let you get the sap out of your system, but just tonight” Tsukishima warned “Don’t get used to it. And don’t expect me to engage in that behavior.”

“I wanted to tell you how much I like you for every time I wanted to but couldn’t” Kuroo announced.

“Oh my god” Tsukishima already put a pillow over his own face.

“Let me see… I remember the first thing I thought about you” he started “I thought: ‘Wow, he’d look cute if he didn’t frown so much’.”

“Well I thought you had an ugly crying face” Tsukishima reciprocated, making Kuroo laugh.

“Can I come there and sit next to you?” Kuroo asked “I want to be able to see your face when you get embarrassed.”

“You absolutely can not” Tsukishima wanted to drop a pillow on him, but Kuroo was already climbing into his bed. Tsukishima got up too and they were just sitting next to each other, backs leaning against the wall and two long pairs of legs dangling off the edge of the small bed.

“You were pretty grumpy in that first month, not gonna lie. I mean, you still are, but I’ve gotten used to it” Kuroo continued his presentation “But the first time I thought ‘Hey, I might actually like this guy’, hm, I think it was that time when we were unpacking your boxes and listening to Fall Out Boy.”

Tsukishima was surprised by that answer. That was only about a week after he’d moved in, and it was such a normal, boring day that he had almost forgotten about it. He wouldn’t even remember what record he played for Kuroo that day, and he wanted to know why that was the particular moment he started liking me.

“I don’t know, you just looked at those records with so much care, and then you shared something you love with me, you looked really calm” Kuroo explained. Tsukishima wondered how he could not notice that Kuroo was observing him so carefully, but now that he applied that to every event in their lives, it made his cheeks achingly hotter.

“That means I win.” Kuroo just tilted his head to get a better look at him.

“Because I liked you first” he said half-proudly, half unable to believe he was saying that out loud “I think it was your pancakes. You must’ve put something in the mix.” Kuroo laughed quietly again, but his heart was fluttering at the thought of Tsukki liking him first.

“Damn, I was trying to be cute, at least let me finish!” Kuroo pouted “Oh, I have a good one! Remember that time we went to The Black Cat and saw our exes together?”

“Vaguely, and I think I want it to stay that way.”

“Well too late now, ‘cause I’m about to take you on a trip down memory lane!” Kuroo cheered. Finally Tsukishima would get some answers as to what really went down on that night, but he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t have to bury himself in a hole after that.

“So after that nameless cocktail, you wanted to make those idiots jealous, so you put your hand on my thigh and you…” Tsukishima already had to stop him.

“Relax, it wasn’t that bad!” Kuroo chuckled “You leaned in, like an eyelash away from my face, and I thought for sure you’d kiss me, but then you just whispered in my ear, like the asshole you are.”

“If you tell me what I said, I’m breaking up with you.”

“You wanted to know if they were looking.” Tsukishima let out a relieved sigh.

“After we left the bar, I had to hold you because you were stumbling and trying to get yourself killed by a car, and then we finally reached the diner and you looked really hot while drinking your milkshake.”

“I was drinking a fucking milkshake, what can possibly be hot about that?!”

“Oh, the way your tongue swirled around that straw…” Kuroo side-eyed him with a signature smirk spreading on his face “But that’s beside the point! It was just a magical night for me, your cheeks were flushed from the alcohol and your eyes just zoomed out on that milkshake, and me being slightly buzzed too, I really wanted to tell you I like you that time. But I also wanted you to remember it in the morning, so I didn’t.”

“Wow, such a gentleman” Tsukishima rolled his eyes in a futile attempt to mask his embarrassment. Kuroo likes him, and Kuroo has liked him for a long time. He thought Tsukishima was cute when he played his records and he noticed the way his tongue was toying with a milkshake straw. That was a lot to take in.

“Wait ‘til you hear what happened next! When we got to the apartment, you said, and I quote, we should make out” Kuroo said with a satisfied grin. Tsukishima was mortified.

“You could’ve saved us months of torture if you’d just listened to that Russian cocktail talking out of me!”

“Yeah, I bet Terushima’s nose would thank me too” Kuroo joked “But it wouldn’t be as romantic. It was worth the wait.”

“Terushima was an asshole, but none of this would’ve happened without him, so I guess we should thank him” Tsukishima admitted. He suddenly remembered they both owed him an apology, but they were both too proud to say that to Terushima who would probably make them bow down to him to prove the purity of their motives.

“I’ll meet you halfway and be thankful to Yamaguchi for inviting you to that party, but I will say a nice thing about that little snake over my dead body” Kuroo crossed his arms and refused to admit he was wrong. Why was Tsukishima so turned on by his possessiveness?

“Now now, no need to be jealous” he nudged his arm “I already told you he was just a replacement.”

“As if anyone could ever replace Kuroo Tetsurou.”

“Well, he did have a tongue piercing” Tsukishima continued probing.

“Damn, I knew it was the piercing! Should I get it too?”

“Please don’t. It can be a little, um, impractical.”

“Okay, please stop talking about him!“ Kuroo covered his ears like a child „But yeah, when I saw you with another guy’s hickeys, that’s when I knew for sure there was no way out of this. I was so frustrated, and I didn’t know how to hide that from you, so I just kind of, started avoiding you. When I talked about it to Bokuto, he told me to just ‘be honest’, so when we fought yesterday, I was actually planning to confess to you.”

“Thanks, now I feel like an even bigger jerk.”

“As you should!” Kuroo acted out “But you’re still not the one who broke a guy’s nose.”

“I like you too, Kuroo” Tsukishima confessed suddenly “I like you a lot. But I want to do this the right way, you know, go slow or whatever. I want it to last.”

“Yeah, for sure, I want that too” Kuroo agreed “But it’s gonna take a lot of self-restraint, because I like you so much, I just want to yell it from the rooftops!” He threw his hands in the air dramatically and looked up with the most sincere smile Tsukishima had ever seen on a person. Was it physically possible for him to be that happy?

“Okay, sap time over!” Tsukishima announced before it was too late “I hope you’ve gotten everything off your chest because this will only be allowed on special occasions.”

“I’m not even close to finished, but that’s okay, because the next special occasion is your birthday next week” Kuroo hummed contently. He only let his thigh brush lightly against Tsukishima’s, letting the younger boy set the boundaries. But god, did he want to kiss him again.

“Oh fuck, I forgot about that.”

“How do you forget your own birthday?!”

“It’s just not that big of a deal for me” Tsukishima shrugged earnestly “So please, don’t do anything outrageous. I just want a quiet day.”

“Sorry, can I kiss you?” Kuroo blurted out without thinking.

“You don’t have to ask every time” Tsukishima snickered “Of course you can, idiot, you’re my boyfriend.”

And just like that Kuroo settled his hand at the back of Tsukishima’s neck and gently pressed their lips together. Their second kiss, just as chaste as the first one, shared on Tsukishima’s childhood bed that once had dinosaur sheets and a whole panoply of stuffed animals. It brought him the same pure joy he felt back then, when he was still unaware of any pain in the world.

Kuroo applied just a little more pressure, itching to get closer to Tsukishima, just to feel the warmth of his body, and Tsukishima followed his lead. He was the first to lazily drag the tip of his tongue along the edge of Kuroo’s lower lip, and Kuroo was happy to grant him access. In order to fully Kuroo’s mouth in their first open-mouthed kiss, Tsukishima tried to change their slightly uncomfortable position.

He placed his knees on each side of Kuroo’s thighs and Kuroo swallowed hard as he watched him settle in his lap. It was a lot more practical for kissing, but it wasn’t good for Kuroo’s fragile health. Tsukishima’s delicate fingers feathered over his jawline like it was something precious. Tsukishima’s face was so close to his, but they weren’t kissing – he could count every eyelash that was fluttering away his sleepiness and his lips were still wet and slightly parted. Kuroo’s heart swelled up so much that it was painful.

Their third kiss was all small presses, warm licks and Kuroo’s hands sitting firmly around Tsukishima’s waist. Neither of them could get enough of it, not after everything they had to do to get there. Tsukishima was trying to memorize the perfect bone structure of Kuroo’s face with his fingertips, he wanted everything at once, and at the same time, he wanted to drag this out forever.

Kuroo enjoyed Tsukishima’s weight on his thighs and the closeness of their chests that allowed their heartbeats to melt into one. Tsukishima’s hands were pleasantly cold against his heated face, and his tongue still tasted faintly of strawberry. He couldn’t stop himself from smiling into the kiss, but Tsukishima didn’t seem to mind.

„We should’ve done this a long time ago“ Tsukishima panted in between kisses. He was getting needier, more frantic, but Kuroo didn’t let him disrupt the slow innocence of this moment. He was planning on doing this for the rest of his life, after all.

„You’re very energetic for someone who hasn’t slept in the last thirty hours“ Kuroo laughed against his lips.

„And whose idea was it to ’talk’ instead of sleeping?“ Tsukishima smirked and finally pulled further away from Kuroo. Neither of them was happy about that, but it was for the best.

„Shit, you’re right, I should’ve let you sleep“ Kuroo scolded himself for being insensitive „Wanna do that now?“

„Well, I don’t _want_ to, but I probably should“ Tsukishima said, but a quiet yawn outed him. But how could Kuroo make himself release Tsukishima from his arms when he waited so long to get him there? With one last quick peck, Tsukishima raised himself up from Kuroo’s lap and sat up straight next to him.

„So?“ Tsukishima asked impatiently „Are you gonna get off my bed or do I need to sleep in the futon?“

„Oh, yeah, sorry“ Kuroo suddenly snapped out of his thoughts „I was just thinking about how cute you are when you’re sleepy.“

„Sappy hours were over a long time ago“ Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but the hit against Kuroo’s arm was far too gentle „Come on, this bed is too small for two grown-ass men.“ Kuroo grunted something unintelligible, but flopped down to his own bed.

„Good night, Kuroo“ Tsukishima said with his face facing the wall instead of Kuroo.

„Good night, Moonshine.“

* * *

 

Of course, Mako did not let Kuroo go back to Tokyo the next day, so he stayed with the Tsukishima’s for the rest of the weekend and took the last Sunday train to Tokyo with his now-boyfriend.

As hospitable as Mako was, she didn’t let Kuroo take over her planned family weekend, so the couple didn’t get a minute of alone time that Sunday. The three hosts did give Kuroo a very heart-warming tour of Sendai (the ’heart-warming’ part being courtesy of the two elder ones), which couldn’t have been that fascinating for a Tokyo native, but he looked genuinely invested in absorbing every inch of the small city.

After being waved off by Tsukishima’s sniffling mother and brother, they finally got some peace and quiet on the train. Kuroo insisted on napping on Tsukishima’s shoulder, which he was in no position to refuse, but with Kuroo sleeping, all the thoughts he was afraid of finally hit him.

Yesterday, he was on an emotional high. On top of the euphoria brought by fixing his relationship with Kuroo, he was also sleep-deprived and drained from the five months of pining, overthinking and living in fear. Him agreeing to date Kuroo, to kiss Kuroo, was just a desperate instinct, trying to get a break from all that tension. And when he got a taste of it, it was hard to stop. But now that he was able to think somewhat rationally again, new anxieties started forming in his mind.

The first thing he remembered was also the main reason he never even wanted to take a chance with Kuroo – they shared a flat. A relationship is much more fragile than a friendship, and once it’s broken, it’s extremely hard to use those shards and glue them into a friendship. The consequences of their break-up would not only be losing a boyfriend and his only true friend in Tokyo, but also a flatmate and a place he can afford. There was simply too much on the line.

Another thing he was worried about was their dynamics changing. He enjoyed their back and forths and he didn’t want that to turn into constant proclamations of love. Tsukishima couldn’t know what Kuroo was like in a relationship, but given his history with ’Titanic’, he was definitely more romantic than Tsukishima was used to. He still didn’t know how to react to that, let alone reciprocate it properly.

There were a billion little things coming to mind, like the fact they’ve both only had a relationship each in the past, his dumb ’jealousy’ of Oikawa (though he’d never call it that), the tiny pang of pain he still felt when remembering Kageyama, and it just went on in a cruel downward spiral. As his brain usually did, it failed to see all the good things that could come out of this, all the reasons why dating Kuroo is right, and skipped straight to the part where he’s homeless.

He glanced at Kuroo, who was still asleep on his shoulder like a kitten, and wondered if he had his doubts about the relationship too. He certainly showed no hints of that yesterday, but there was no way he wasn’t at least a little bit worried. Everyone’s like that when they start a new relationship, even if it’s on a subconscious level. He wondered if Kuroo’s objective thoughts will tell him to give up on the idea of dating. Was that what they were telling him?

No, no matter how many obstacles Tsukishima could imagine in their future, none of them were big enough to beat his irrational wish to be with Kuroo. He wasn’t going to let his mind trick him into being a coward now that he’s come this far. It was a risk, but it was Kuroo.

The Kuroo he first saw with an ugly crying face and still managed to fall for. The Kuroo who jumped into a lake without a second thought to save a puppy, even though the puppy was probably a better swimmer than him. The Kuroo who was so over-the-top and so consumed by his dumb rom-coms that he just wrote a confession on a batch of cookies and hopped on a two-hour train ride to deliver them. And who was currently drooling a little bit on his sweater. He just couldn’t see how this person could hurt anyone.

An unexpected but welcome distraction came in the form of a quiet ’ping’ from his cellphone. The only person who could possibly be texting him now was Yamaguchi, but the name on the screen was not his, and it almost made Tsukishima laugh.

**From: Terushima**

_i’m willing to forget about that show your little boyfriend put on if you are_

**To: Terushima**

_I’m sorry, but I think we should stop doing this._

**From: Terushima**

_ahhh so i see breaking my nose brought you and your kuroo-san closer_

_whatever, have fun with that_

**To: Terushima**

_I really am sorry about that. Kuroo wanted to apologize too._

**From: Terushima**

_he can stick that apology up his ass :p_

_well, if kuroo-san can’t fuck you good, you know who to call ;)_

**To: Terushima**

_You just don’t take no for an answer, and I even made an effort to be nice._

**From: Terushima**

_i was kiddin, you know. i do wish you the best._

_well, not THE BEST, since you already had that, but the best you can get with your poor taste \\_(_ _ツ_ _)_/_

**To: Terushima**

_Thank you. I hope you find someone less tasteless, too._

* * *

 

Even when they returned to Tokyo, to their shared flat, they couldn’t adjust to the fact that they were now dating. Kuroo noticed Tsukishima’s increased stiffness the moment he woke up, but didn’t want to say anything about it. He was aware it’s been a while since Tsukishima dated, and knowing him, he’s probably gotten himself convinced that this is all a big mistake and he should flee. But Kuroo wasn’t going to let that happen.

Kuroo acted the way he always did. When Tsukishima saw how carefree Kuroo was during the walk home, while still not suffocating him with PDA, it made it easier for him to see that nothing has to change (at least not for the worse).

„Home sweet home ~“ Kuroo exhaled with wide arms and closed eyes when he finally unlocked their flat. He only took off his shoes before lunging at the couch, like he hadn’t just slept through a two-hour long train ride. Tsukishima smiled and decided to do something daring, just to show his intrusive thoughts who’s the boss.

While Kuroo was turned towards the wall, Tsukishima sneaked up on him from behind and laid next to him, pressing his face into Kuroo’s back and hugging his waist. It was embarrassing, but it was unexpectedly comfortable for one small, old couch.

„Tsukki?“ Kuroo choked out in surprise. He wiggled out of Tsukishima’s firm grip to turn around and face him. Tsukishima looked younger, softer, more vulnerable, with his face an eyelash away from Kuroo’s, and Kuroo thought he could get used to that side of him.

After a few long moments of marveling Tsukishima’s beauty, he finally remembered to do something. He wrapped his arms tightly around Tsukishima’s shoulders and pulled him even closer. It was too warm, he was too close to falling off the couch, but Tsukishima had never felt safer. Despite his rapidly beating heart and his racing brain, he knew he did the right thing.

When Kuroo kissed his forehead, he realized Tsukishima’s breathing had slowed down and his muscles were relaxed. He was fast asleep. Kuroo chuckled quietly, because he knew his arm will get sore, and he wasn’t tired enough to sleep now, but the sight of his boyfriend sleeping peacefully on his chest made еverything worth it.

That one moment of undisrupted calm felt like it eased all the emotional pain Kuroo had ever suffered. Being kicked out of his home at the age of seventeen and abandoned by the only family he had, every fight he had with his first love, even being cheated on, it was a little easier for him to forgive the universe for that, because now he had Kei.

He imagined the future he’s going to build with the man sleeping in his arms, all the places he wanted to take him, all the things he loved and wanted to share with him (forcing him to see _’Titanic’_ was definitely on the top of that list). It didn’t take long for his mind to fill out the remainder of his lifetime with daydreams, and he couldn’t wait to see those dreams come to life one by one.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this is so abrupt, but due to my poor mental health, I will not be able to continue this fic :(  
> I want to thank you all for the amazing response that kept me going on very bad days, I really can't express in words how much this journey meant to me. I hope the ending was at least warm enough to compensate for the overall messiness, and I hope you enjoyed the fic as a whole <3 If that's the case, you can definitely look forward to more works from me as soon as I feel better!


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